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Wrong time, wrong person

Sarahj21
Community Member
Hi, i’ve been dealing with this lately , kept thinking it over and over again how to move forward because i fell in love with someone who is gay and should i tell how i feel or no for completely move on ? Hope i can get better solution on this forum, thank you for those who willing to give an answer.
4 Replies 4

Aaronsis
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi Sarahj21

I am sorry you are struggling with this and I can only imagine the nerves and anxiety going on for you at the moment. Telling anyone, regardless of sex, race or otherwise is hard to do, to make ourselves vulnerable to disclose to another person we have feelings for them, for fear of rejection.

However, and I know you know this but, if you have feelings for this person you should let them know. If you are both single and available then there is no harm in expressing your interest in them. It is going to go one of two ways, they will say thank you but no thanks or they will express interest back, and hopefully the rest is history!

I know I know, if only it were that easy you would not be reaching out for support. When you say you would like to move forward I would just like to clarify that you are meaning moving forward in "how do I address this with the person?" or meaning moving forward as in you would like to put these feelings aside and get on with your life?

I think that in love you just never know and why not roll the dice and if you want to be with this person, let them know, you may be very surprised at the result. If they say that they are not interested then you have not lost anything either, albeit feeling a little hurt you can then move on with the knowledge you tried.

I am not sure if I have been helpful today but I would like to chat some more if you feel like it Sarahj21.

Huge hugs to you

Sarah xxx

Hi Aaron, thank you very much for your post, I appreciate every single words u said. I want to move forward as to continue my daily activity without thinking him over and over again..

Yes ofc I would like to chat more to you about it.. thank you.

Hello Sarahj21

Ahhh I understand now, you have fallen in love with a gay man and you are a woman...right..well there does pose a small hurdle there. There is many feelings of pain and sadness when you indeed fall in love with someone that you are not able to share this love with. While you may love each other as friends and have a wonderful relationship as friends, the path to being able to be in love and share a romantic relationship is not open.

There are many things that you can do in this space, some are more permanent, like removing yourself from being in this person's life, however if they are a dear friend already I am sure that is not an option. Another option is to perhaps give yourself some temporary space from this person so that you can create space and not feel the need or want to see them all the time. This is easier said than done but is helpful in calming the "need" to see them.

I still don't think that there is anything wrong with letting him know how you feel. His feedback might help clarify things for you and help you with putting the friendship into perspective. Also the other side of the coin is that he might be open to exploring a relationship with you. Is he gay? Is he Bi sexual? A conversation cannot hurt here.

If he indicates he is not interested as he is gay then I think this too will help you to manage your feelings and also the expectations on the friendship, he will have told you very clearly that he is not available. Sure it will hurt and you will feel sad, this is all apart of not having your feelings matched by another and almost feeling rejected, however, time and space and knowing that you can still have a friendship will be helpful.

Distraction and keeping yourself busy is helpful, but acknowledging the thoughts of him as they come to you, let it hurt and know that is ok, then take a moment and move to the next task to get on with your new thought. It is fine to feel sad about this, you will.

How are you feeling today and do you have anything fun planned for the weekend?

Hugs

Sarah ..not Aaron..lol..I am also a Sarah...

Hi Sarahj21.

This must be a difficult situation to be in so may I ask, when you say that you feel in love with someone who is gay, is this because you identify as the opposite gender and you are worried they may not accept you?