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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Nelsum New daughter in law accuses me of having favourite grandchild
  • replies: 3

I am posting as i feel so alone, dumped and heart broken. My son married 3 weeks ago, my new daughter in law I have known over ten years with some ups and downs. Over the years i have provided financial assistance and help with the grandkids. Recentl... View more

I am posting as i feel so alone, dumped and heart broken. My son married 3 weeks ago, my new daughter in law I have known over ten years with some ups and downs. Over the years i have provided financial assistance and help with the grandkids. Recently the accusation of favourtism has surfaced from her, i will admit i have a stronger bond with one than the other. My son can see my side but probably feels obligated to back his wife. I am heart broken and scared i kniw im going into some type if depression and am scared this is a ploy to disconnect me from my son and the children. So lost.

B1B2 Pre teen triggering my own mental health issues
  • replies: 1

Having trouble with my pre teen at the moment. I have PMDD and have found the last 6 months to be the worst time in my life. My child has anxiety, is struggling to settle into high school - not making friends at all, is obsessed with gaming and we ar... View more

Having trouble with my pre teen at the moment. I have PMDD and have found the last 6 months to be the worst time in my life. My child has anxiety, is struggling to settle into high school - not making friends at all, is obsessed with gaming and we are investigating some learning difficulties at the moment. I am being used as a safe place for them to detonate and am often a verbal punching bag and I don’t think i can cope anymore. We have no support nearby to give us a break. Both my partner and I are at our whits end. We have psych, paediatrician and teachers on board but this feels like quicksand.. anyone else in similar position with any words of wisdom. It has really triggered me and I feel like I’m on a downhill slope with no way of stopping

Guest_7403 Don't want to see my children
  • replies: 9

Hey all, Long time forum user and poster here. Have PTSD from work and chronic fear of abandonment linked to it. My daughters are 9 and 5. Partner left Jan 2016 when my PTSD began...she came here from Scotland in 2009. When she left my daughters were... View more

Hey all, Long time forum user and poster here. Have PTSD from work and chronic fear of abandonment linked to it. My daughters are 9 and 5. Partner left Jan 2016 when my PTSD began...she came here from Scotland in 2009. When she left my daughters were 3yo and 3months... She asked to take them home to Scotland for 6 weeks just after leaving to see her family....said no problems no issue with that. When she came home, she asked if I'd allow her to move back to the UK to be with her family and raise the girls there. I was very sad, and unwell at the time...undiagnosed ptsd no treatment. I wasn't in a good headspace and said okay...I didn't want her to be alone here and unhappy. I guess I completely shut down and closed off....knowing I wouldn't be apart of my girls lives, stopped seeing them and conversing with their mother. As life happens, the exs plans changed and 6 months later decided not to go, and to make a life here. But something in me changed, I never rebonded with the girls...no matter how hard I tried or try....I've been in and out of their lives 5 years now...had them living with me 50/50 for all of 2019...but stopped that. I won't let them in my inner circle anymore, can't emotionally be with them. I try to force myself to see them...but the anxiety is crippling, it's very stressful....so I cancel last minute....or if I do have them or go to their mums to see them I feel uncomfortable and I can't wait to get out of there. They want to see me, I have an amazing relationship with their mum you could say we're friends and better now then when we were together. Communicate daily with their mum, not necessarily about the girls...just general chats.. Shes very supportive of me in general and makes the girls available to me anytime I want and encourages it. I love them, but won't let them get close to me. The FOA is so strong, it affects them, any partner i have, family and friends. I push them all away, and the harder they try to pull me back in the harder I push back. No psychologist has been able to help me...countless over the last few years. I don't know what to do. It affects me and it affects those beautiful girls...I question whether I should completely remove myself for their lives. My ex has a lovely partner, who is 10x the dad I could ever be...I am so grateful my girls have him as a role model...and that he treats my ex lovely. Thanks for reading

lantern22 My husband still wishes me Happy Anniversary after divorce 2018
  • replies: 8

I loved my husband immensely. Married for 20 years. He was my best friend. We went through a lot together, long - term infertility, losing our baby, health issues(me), losing his brother from balcony fall, losing his father(after nursing home fire) m... View more

I loved my husband immensely. Married for 20 years. He was my best friend. We went through a lot together, long - term infertility, losing our baby, health issues(me), losing his brother from balcony fall, losing his father(after nursing home fire) me taking care of mother with dementia, his siblings going to jail for serious crimes. He abandoned me, after my mother died. It came from no-where, and, looking back, it was clearly planned. He told me to go and get the washing from clothesline, while we were enjoying a lovely cup of coffee and Easter Chocolate cake. When I came back inside the house, he was gone! No note, nothing!All within five minutes. Long story - short, he was planning a trip overseas to meet a woman, he didn't really know; a woman who didn't speak a word of English. His life just spiralled out of control and he made it clear that he hated all of our life together. I was so shocked - all this coming from a man who would text me everyday to say how much he loved me and how he needed me in his life. I had supported him through some of the most painful times of his life - esp, death of brother and father. Ever since he has left me, he still sends me emails on our Wedding Anniversary and wishes me "US" a "happy Anniversary' i had heard he had married(I have never asked him, nor do I engage in conversation via email with him). I am always apprehensive, incase he fabricates some story about me to the police. I don't trust his behaviour. The other week would have been our 23rd Anniversary and I received an email wishing 'us' a happy anniversary with an apology about him leaving me and not doing things possibly the right way. I replied, telling him I had worked through forgiveness years ago and we did face a lot of grief together. In the email, he went on to tell me that he is dieting and lost significant amount of weight(he wasn't overweight) and how he doesn't eat for 20 hours and exercises in the dark in a park at 6.00am. I am sure he isn't mentally well. I am getting on with my life;, I guess I still do care about him in some way, but can't understand why he wants to keep this connection when he made it clear that he hated his whole life with me. Can anyone shed some light on this?

Firefly112 Lost intimacy in a relationship
  • replies: 3

Hi all, As the title goes, my relationship no longer has any intimacy. As a bit of a background, we're a straight couple in our early 30s, and have been together for coming up to two years. We took a while to get off the ground (my partner wasn't sur... View more

Hi all, As the title goes, my relationship no longer has any intimacy. As a bit of a background, we're a straight couple in our early 30s, and have been together for coming up to two years. We took a while to get off the ground (my partner wasn't sure about being in a serious relationship early on), but we have been in a committed, serious relationship for at least a year and a bit now. The pandemic (and subsequent lockdowns) meant we spent more time together, and late last year, we moved in together. We used to have a great sexual relationship, that he would actively be enthusiastic about, and was very attracted to me, and showed it. Since about November, it had become infrequent - going from having sex a few times a week, to once every week, then once every few weeks (and pretty much always initiated by me). This is because he was not wanting to (his reasoning being he was "tired from work", or "just exhausted and not feeling it"). Even then I felt dejected, and started putting on weight. I'm not very overweight, but the lack of intimacy, and subsequent weight gain, has skewed my self-esteem and self-worth. The last time we had any form of intimacy was in early April, and I'm finding myself more and more depressed, and hating my body more (I know it's a vicous cycle, but I feel so unattractive). My partner knows my thoughts on this, and how it makes me feel. I've tried talking with him about this numerous times, but it ends up going nowhere. Normally, we get along really well, and never argue or yell (though like everyone, we can disagree on things), but with this... we barely talk. I stopped trying to initiate sex, because it hurt being constantly rejected. I told him I'd wait til he was ready. It's now in a pattern where we see each other after work, hug, kiss, go do our own thing, maybe watch some TV together, then just go to bed. And it breaks me. I feel so unattractive and 'unsexy' to him. I know he loves me (and I love him), and I'm not saying there is zero affection in our relationship, but the drastic change in our sex life has broken me, and I feel like bringing it up again and again is useless. Can anyone relate, and have any helpful suggestions?

MissJ94 Managing Relationships
  • replies: 2

How does everyone cope with having no friends or partner? The only people who are really in my life are my 10 year old son and my mum. I do have a guy im dating but even that hasnt been so great. Its always one of us too busy that prevents us going o... View more

How does everyone cope with having no friends or partner? The only people who are really in my life are my 10 year old son and my mum. I do have a guy im dating but even that hasnt been so great. Its always one of us too busy that prevents us going out or seeing each other. I get along with people fairly well like at work or uni, i think, but forming those close friendships, i really struggle with it. I dont get to socialise with the other mums at my sons school because he needs to go to after school care all days so i can work/study. Plus 99% of those mums are older mums, like 30-50 years old. I had my son as a teenager so theres a huge gap. I would take up dancing again, ive always loved to dance! I just cant afford it right now. So any tips would be great!

Tommo_Hawk Recovery from emotional affairs
  • replies: 7

I'm seriously stuck. 2 years ago my wife started what I feel was an emotional affair with a close friend of hers. I found out, confronted her, we discussed it. I was told it was just "dumb shit" a mistake..., 3 months later found out it was still goi... View more

I'm seriously stuck. 2 years ago my wife started what I feel was an emotional affair with a close friend of hers. I found out, confronted her, we discussed it. I was told it was just "dumb shit" a mistake..., 3 months later found out it was still going - sexting, pictures, talking very negatively about me as a father and husband. Again i confronted my wife, i said i understand friends, couldn't care less if they are male female , from mars or are purple with 7 heads, what the issue was was a line had been crossed, i had been give reassurances that it was nothing and over when it wasn't. I ended up in therapy trying to see what I was told, couldn't do it as the evidence and experience was in direct conflict with what she was telling me, whilst this was happening i discovered more direct and explicit sexual chat. Excuses where "I'm not responding". I don't buy it as this stuff doesn't come out of nowhere. People don't start message with " to continue to tease" if nothing is going on. We are now in couple counselling, she still shares most of what we talk about with this "friend". I struggle to accept what she tells me, i feel very suspicious or vigilant and I don't want to be. I'm lost, we have daughter, i still love my wife but I can't shake a felling that she thinks this is just my problem to resolve. In short, the dark clouds are building, I'm shit out of steam. Lost, need help/advice.

Ane Partner uses drugs, I feel stuck and responsible
  • replies: 6

Hi, My partner and I have been together for almost 6 years. We broke up after 4, had 2 years apart and got back together again. When we dated before he didn't use anything. He now has an addiction which he struggles with and I am trying very hard to ... View more

Hi, My partner and I have been together for almost 6 years. We broke up after 4, had 2 years apart and got back together again. When we dated before he didn't use anything. He now has an addiction which he struggles with and I am trying very hard to support him. We have been back together for a year and half. In that time he has used and at times sold between friends to make money as he couldn't get a job. We ended up moving last year as things were out of control, he almost went to jail and our relationship couldn't handle it anymore. I have told him I cannot continue like this however in the end drugs seem to win each time. I feel like I cant leave him as he gets very negative and suicidal and he has very limited support outside of me. I am paying bills and rent and he helps when he has been clean long enough to work for a few weeks, but he always seems to have a back slide and uses again. He has told me that he has been using and selling again, that he has been hiding it and lying to me since he knows I hate it. He says he no longer want to hide it and wants to be upfront. He sees this as a quick way to make money with little effort, but in the past it has gone horribly wrong and has impacted my mental and emotional health severely. I don't know what to do anymore, helping him doesn't work. Supporting him only enables his behaviour, suggesting help doesn't go down well with him and when I have tried to leave in the past he has threated to kill himself. He is very manipulative and always turns his problems into mine, blaming me for when things don't work out for him (due to poor planning or being high and not able to make good decisions). We live together and I work full time. I have told him so many times I am not going to live my life with drugs around me, he knows this yet he still tells me that he wants me to know that he is using and selling again? I tried to explain to him that an addict cannot be around those things and that he should cut it out of his life or he will never be sober. He doesn't seem to think it will make a difference as there are drugs everywhere and all his mates rope him into deals and good times. How can I get through to him? I love him with all my heart, but my mental health cannot survive this. I have never been this anxious or depressed in my life and I honestly wish we never got back together but I am stuck and I cant seem to gather enough strength to walk away.

Starrysky1 New mum completely alone
  • replies: 1

So I gave birth last year during the peak Melbourne lockdown. We planned my bubs before covid even existed and at about 8 weeks we got put into lockdown. Throughout the whole thing I didn’t hear from any of my family or friends. And once having my ba... View more

So I gave birth last year during the peak Melbourne lockdown. We planned my bubs before covid even existed and at about 8 weeks we got put into lockdown. Throughout the whole thing I didn’t hear from any of my family or friends. And once having my baby I have practically become invisible. I was discharged 36 hours after birth, on my own account due to the fact nurses had told me they forgot about me, I was very sick and was left quite a few times waiting for pain and nausea meds for hours. on getting home no one messaged, no one dropped food around, no one sent gifts or flowers, no one came to meet her through the window. I have asked my mum a few times now, (not her first grandchild and she has the other mutiple times a week) if she can have my bubs for a bit or for help so I can cook or do some washing or sleep. I’ve been laughed at, told straight out they don’t want to look after a difficult baby, and completely ignored. About 5 months ago I reached out to my closest friend before birth and told her I am struggling and I haven’t heard back since. To this date none of my family or friends have even come to visit at our house, I haven’t seen a single one of my friends in over 6 months. I message them, and try to reconnect but either just get ignored for months or plan something that they then cancel, every, single, time. So many people who planned visits or to be a part pf our lives, dissapeared or became uncontactable. I’m really struggling that I have had to do this alone and I keep thinking that maybe if I didn’t have a baby, people would at least still be pretending to like me. I find myself going to the supermarket and getting adult interaction from cashier people because that’s the only time I get any. We have tried doing group baby things, but 9 out of 10 times we were ignored in group activity’s and quite often people would just walk in the opposite direction to us. Even had a women stand up and walk away from me within 10 seconds of sitting near her to join in an activity Dunno how much longer I can keep being strong for my girl, when I feel like I should just actually disappear

Kornblume My World in pieces *Trigger warning: suicide attempt*
  • replies: 14

Hi, I been having a really hard time lately. Me and my husband are struggling a lot. All started a few months ago when he started drinking more excessively. He has always been drinking but most times quite well under control. Iust noticed that he was... View more

Hi, I been having a really hard time lately. Me and my husband are struggling a lot. All started a few months ago when he started drinking more excessively. He has always been drinking but most times quite well under control. Iust noticed that he was getting less interested in activities and already started drinking in the morning on our days off. I was getting more depressed and unhappy with the situation. I told him it could not go on like this and that we would have to change something. He wanted to move out straight away an told me he also didn't want to live like that anymore, he said he felt to much pressure of doing work on our big property and paying off the mortgage. I was very disappointed and did not think he would give up our relationship so easy. I am also very sad to sell the house as it was always my goal to live in a place like this. Just before Christmas we put the house on the market and I found a small place in town where I can manage to live on my own. We had three weeks of holidays and my husband was drinking more and more. When it was time to go back to work he called in sick most of the time and stayed home. A week ago on a evening shift I got a phone call from a neighbour that the ambulance had picked my husband up and that he was trying to take his own life. I was in complete shock, and it was very traumatic to see him in the state he was at the emergency. I was very relieved that he did not succeed with his attempt but also had a very hard time believing that he did this in the first place. He has agreed to go to the MHU voluntary and he is feeling very ashamed and sorry for what he did. For me it just feels like an absolute nightmare, trying to juggle organising everything, packing up house, visits at the MHU meetings and still Keep working and also informing family about what had happened. He is back home now the last two days and he promised me he stays sober untill the move is over and that he wants to help me. He also said that he would like to make a rehab later. I just feel very uncomfortable, after being really happy the first few days that he is still alive, now I am also very angry that he left me with the whole mess. I am also trying really hard not to upset or trigger him because I am so scared that he will go straight back to drinking or has another attempt to kill himself. Sorry it has become a bit long and my written English is not that good. I just had to get this off my chest somehow.