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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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A_Little_Lost Just need some advice...
  • replies: 1

Hi, I'm just a simple guy... happily married (or so I keep telling myself), with kids... Met my wife back when we were still teenagers... love of my life! Still now, she truly is the love of my life. We've always been different, in terms of, in gener... View more

Hi, I'm just a simple guy... happily married (or so I keep telling myself), with kids... Met my wife back when we were still teenagers... love of my life! Still now, she truly is the love of my life. We've always been different, in terms of, in general we like different things. I never saw that as an issue, because our difference is actually what compliments our relationship in my aspects. Anyway, to cut a long story short... I cheated on my wife. I went 'with the boys' to a place where they offered massage 'with a happy ending'. I went twice. The first time I went, the experience really was NOT good. It was awkward... and didn't feel good at all. The next time 'the boys' went, I went again, but when I was there, I chickened out and "didn't go all the way". After that, I realised that what I have with my wife (even though she's literally the ONLY woman I have ever been with since I was a teenager) is soooooooo much BETTER than visiting 'those sinful places'. I truly regretted what I did... I was weak... I was curious... and I can honestly say that is was PURELY A PHYSICAL CURIOSITY that made me do it! I was NEVER dissatisfied with what I have with my wife... as a matter of fact, what happened in those massage place made me even cherish what I have more with my wife, because what we have is something that is so much more special and just waaaaayyyyy better than any experience I could possibly have from those 'massage places'. Anyway, that was about 6 years ago, and I have decided to 'come clean' with my wife. It's because the more our relationship gets better, the more 'that secret' was killing me inside. Movies I see on the TV... music I hear on the radio.. Things I read... Things people talk about... I always hear something about "cheating" and it's like a poison killing me inside! So I decided to come clean and told my wife about it. Unfortunately, because of that, I feel like our relationship is in trouble. We've always had other issues around our differences... but THIS THING just made everything worse... and I think my wife wants to leave me... She is so sure in her mind that the reason I did what I did is because I was NOT SATISFIED with her... but it's just NOT the truth! And no matter how I explain to her, I don't think I can change her mind. I feel that she still loves me, but I also feel she is now unsure. I don't know what to do I am lost without her and want to work things out. I dont know if she'll ever forgive me..

VanVincent My wife thinks I am having an affair when I am not
  • replies: 8

Consistently throughout our relationship since we got married my wife has accused me of having an affair with another woman. I am in an industry that requires travel occasionally and this has led to issues. In recent times she has installed monitorin... View more

Consistently throughout our relationship since we got married my wife has accused me of having an affair with another woman. I am in an industry that requires travel occasionally and this has led to issues. In recent times she has installed monitoring software on my phone to track my movements and be able to turn the camera and microphone on and off. What is upsetting is that while I have never had an affair on her - she had an affair several years ago that lasted for 18 months. After therapy I forgave her. So it is very hurtful that despite my every effort she will not stop accusing me of cheating. Her relationship with her mother and sister is strained, she also accuses them of cheating constantly, including with me in the past. I am concerned it is some kind of issue requiring help because she also keeps accusing me of smirking or laughing when I am not and hears me admitting to things I am not saying. She is now fixated on a woman who lives in another part of the country whom I have never met. She gets very angry and emotional regarding this other woman and I am not able to convince her that I am not having an affair with this person (or anyone else). She tells my children I am talking to this other person and accuses me of stealing things from her to send to this other woman. Nearly every happy occasion is ruined by accusations including birthdays, Christmas and other important days. I am very ill and was only given 5 years to live a few years ago though I will fight to make sure that does not happen as best I can- I do not want things to end like this. It is very distressing.

Joe_Blo My wife wants a break.
  • replies: 4

I dont know where to start i am not a public person and don't like talking about my problems even to family. So here goes my wife of 2 years together for 6 Years and one kid together.Has asked for a break from each other to deal with everything i her... View more

I dont know where to start i am not a public person and don't like talking about my problems even to family. So here goes my wife of 2 years together for 6 Years and one kid together.Has asked for a break from each other to deal with everything i her life. A long list of personal family stuff on top us with some downs. She need time to get herself right and her independency back. I understand all that and want to help her. She just has also said not to wait around for her and that i should be happy if i find someone else and that if we sleep with other people she wouldn't judge or care. Thats the bit that has got me i love my wife more then anything and i can't handle that thought. I dont have the need to i just want her to get better so we can be a family again. i keep crying and hardle eating and getting angry really easy now. How would i go about fixing this before she has the need or the opportunity presents itself and how to deal with it if she does cause i dont think i could cope with it as it has been a ruff year. My son having 3 surgerys, my grandma passing away, losing my job and now this.

Jane3434 Lost
  • replies: 3

I have been with my partner for around a year now. He was amazing and thoughtful and the start of our relationship, however for the last 5months i must have done something to turn him off. I have suffered depression for a while now and i have discuss... View more

I have been with my partner for around a year now. He was amazing and thoughtful and the start of our relationship, however for the last 5months i must have done something to turn him off. I have suffered depression for a while now and i have discussed this with him. When I really need him and im having a breakdown he is never there, he will apologise after when I have explained that I needed him. If I ask him to come around because I am sad he doesn't come. If I explain my feelings and thoughts to him about him not being there for me, I end up apologising for my feelings because I dont want him to be annoyed with me or upset. I have spoken to him numerous times about how I just need more support and he always agrees to but never comes through. If it was his mates he would be there, but he just isnt for his partner. I ask to see him and he tells me he needs his space and time to relax in his own, which is fine but i haven't seen him in about 4 days prior to asking. Im just wondering what i have done, i love him. But him constantly not giving me support hurts so much when I need it. But I also feel like I dont deserve better and I should be more understanding of his feelings not so selfish of mine. I feel alone and abandoned but I also feel selfish for feeling this way. I end up having panic attacks and crying my self to sleep. If I leave him I would be just as alone and I know that I am not good enough for anyone else to date, so I feel I should just stay. But I am so sad. i just feel like a disappointment

Ahjlees I’m so torn, my heart is in pieces
  • replies: 5

I’m so torn, my heart is in pieces and I don’t know what to do. My boyfriend and I just celebrated our one year anniversary and despite the fact that we’d already bought each other a gift (the month prior) neither of us thought to buy each other card... View more

I’m so torn, my heart is in pieces and I don’t know what to do. My boyfriend and I just celebrated our one year anniversary and despite the fact that we’d already bought each other a gift (the month prior) neither of us thought to buy each other cards until the day of and he only did it because he saw that I had. We have struggled with things in the past and this is just another in a long line of issues we have had. Some of our issues have involved his exes. I struggle with the fact that he has had so many and he’s my first. His most recent ex was a long term relationship and he helped to raise her child. The child’s name is on ornament that his mother has permanently on display. I’d asked about the ornament before and he claimed he didn’t know and then when I asked again more recently, he opened up to me about who the child was. I offered him a draw and he returned the favour because he ‘figured (he) should’. I have invited him to all our family gatherings from early on and he still doesn’t really invite me. I wasn’t invited to his nephews birthday, nor really his birthday and most recently to their Fathers Day celebrations. I got injured a few weeks ago and was essentially immobile as a result, two days after the injury I was having a horrible day and was really struggling and his version of support was to tell me he was hanging with the boys. He lives 2 hours away and so we are basically long distance and it’s been mostly ok until recently. He is becoming drained and exhausted from having to juggle; work, friends, his parents, himself and me, in addition to personal issues. I’m becoming exhausted from things outside our relationship, my health, the long distance and issues between my boyfriend and my best friend. They had words the other day and were upset with each other. My best friend talked to me about it later that night and my boyfriend the next day. I asked them to speak to each other and they essentially both refused. I eventually suggested a group chat and when they both agreed, I set one up. They ignored it. In the beginning, he loved that I was passionate and a bit outspoken and now I just annoy him all the time. I’m SO in love with him and am really, really struggling with our relationship at the moment. I’m also overly emotional and super sensitive so don’t even know if I have a right to be upset about any of this or if I’m over reacting. I feel like I’m constantly upset or frustrated and I hate it so much. Please help!

Phoebe_1 Family seperation
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone, I have not been diagnosed with anxiety or depression however and going through a huge change in my life. In August we lost my dad to bowel cancer after a 3 year completely horrific fight. Previously to that I have been emotionally abused... View more

Hi everyone, I have not been diagnosed with anxiety or depression however and going through a huge change in my life. In August we lost my dad to bowel cancer after a 3 year completely horrific fight. Previously to that I have been emotionally abused by my mother from a young age and I have started to stick up for myself.and not put up with her behaviour. After dad died I was told I no longer have a room there anymore. Our mother left us over our first father's Day without our dad and then sat us down with the help of her sister to tell us what horrible people we are. I refused to continue to listen to it. Packed up everything I owned and drove to my partner's parents house where they are supportive and caring and have welcomed me into their home with the option of staying as long as I need to. I have made the decision to no longer have contact with my mother unless she seeks help. Today is my first birthday since dad passed away and the first birthday of many that I will have parentless. I guess I'm asking if anyone else has been through this? Is there anyone who can offer advise or piece of mind?

Ollie_l Lost and don’t know what to do.. marriage
  • replies: 1

My husband and I have been together 7 years, married 5. It has mostly been turbulent because when I met him he was a very heavy drinker, buried all his problems and lied about everything. Some VERY big lies. I helped him through all this, he got coun... View more

My husband and I have been together 7 years, married 5. It has mostly been turbulent because when I met him he was a very heavy drinker, buried all his problems and lied about everything. Some VERY big lies. I helped him through all this, he got counseling and after years of arguments he got his life together. He now has the job of his dreams, volunteers and is well respected in that area. We had a daughter 18 months ago after 2 years of IVF and 3 misscarriages. He was very supportive as he can be very sweet and has a big heart. the problem is, I have a big personality and I find him boring at times. He's also stopped sleeping in the same bed encase our daughter wakes up and he has to move to the back bedroom, so she can come into bed with me. He thinks that's ok. I find it hurtful. We already were not having sex. We'll go 2 weeks of not arguing and then we'll have a horrible argument because we can both loose our tempers. I just get so frustrated by his lack of effort. I've always been the one to take the lead in our marriage. I don't have the respect for him that I should have, because of how he was when we met. I was 38 and worried I'd never marry and have kids and I think no that I just settled for him. I do love him but not with any great passion. He's a very loving Dad to our girl but he'll complain a lot about being tired and busy. It's like our marriage comes last in his priorities. We went to m counseling and they suggested we do something together for fun so he said he'd organise salsa classes. He sent them an email and they didnt respond so he hasn't bothered to call up, when I confronted him about that he said he was busy !! im at my wits end and live on the other side of the world from my family and loved ones. I'm now stuck here because of my daughter and I just want to go home.

Clo94 Young mum - struggling with anxiety and worrying thoughts
  • replies: 3

I’ve always had a bit of anxiety for as long as I could remember, but after becoming a mum it’s a whole new ball game, I cannot stop worrying about his safety, his health, my health, if I’m feeding him enough, if I’m doing the right thing. I constant... View more

I’ve always had a bit of anxiety for as long as I could remember, but after becoming a mum it’s a whole new ball game, I cannot stop worrying about his safety, his health, my health, if I’m feeding him enough, if I’m doing the right thing. I constantly obsess over the smallest things. I can’t enjoy fun times as a family as I am constantly worrying that things will turn bad. I need to get better for my family

annnonymouss What To Do?
  • replies: 3

My ex and I recently split after a really rough patch. I am okay after the breakup as I think it was necessary as the relationship was becoming toxic. He is a very impulsive person and also vulnerable. He keeps bursting out with comments about commit... View more

My ex and I recently split after a really rough patch. I am okay after the breakup as I think it was necessary as the relationship was becoming toxic. He is a very impulsive person and also vulnerable. He keeps bursting out with comments about committing suicide. He also drinks a lot, does casual drugs and then will drive saying that 'he doesn't care anymore'. I hate this, as I care deeply for him still. He says that us getting back together will help him be happy, but I don't want to go back as he sometimes didn't treat me as I wanted to be treated, and he hasn't been loyal. We are also both moving to different locations several hours apart for 4+ months soon and we agreed to break up in that time anyway. I feel as if he's threatening to do all these behaviours if i don't get back/sleep with him, like drink driving, drugs, even going as far as vaguely mentioning suicide and how he's got a (licensed) gun at home and referencing someone he knows who has committed suicide. I also suffer from anxiety and he's really really scaring me as I still love and care for him. We are both still young, and I have called his mother and urged her to keep an eye on him and take him to a dr. She and him don't have a very close relationship so I feel like I'm responsible for him because he keeps turning to me and brushing his families efforts aside. Throughout the relationship I pushed him to get professional help because he experiences intense mood swings and sometimes becomes very vulnerable. I'm so stressed and worried about him, he keeps asking me to go to him and I hate saying no but I'm busy doing work/study and also don't want him to rely on me for his happiness which he seems to be doing. What can I do? I wish I could get him admitted into a psych ward because I'm so worried but I dont even know if thats possible. thank you

Lost_in_Auz Wife separating over anxiety disorder
  • replies: 8

My wife has been battling with generalised anxiety disorder for quite a while. It's been a tough point in our relationship but I always thought we could manage. We have been together for nearly 12 years and have a 5 year old. She has told me now she ... View more

My wife has been battling with generalised anxiety disorder for quite a while. It's been a tough point in our relationship but I always thought we could manage. We have been together for nearly 12 years and have a 5 year old. She has told me now she wants to seperate because she is happier alone. During the separation I've given her space and moved out to another accommodation (not sure if this was the mistake). Our plan was we would converse more about this while she had time to reflect. But recently she has put a wall and told me she is happier by herself and nothing will change the situation. She tells me now it's because I wasn't emotionally supportive and she was unhappy because she never felt she lived up to my expectations. I feel like her living alone for her gives her relief but only because she no longer has to face her anxiety issues. I worry that they could get worse. She has been doing professional therapy and medication. Her anxiety got to the point where she wouldn't even go out to the store, gave up on driving, lost her job over it. Through all this I was happy to keep supporting the family. I don't think I was lazy and I took care of our son and did a lot of chores. I was never abusive or a cheater and did a lot around the house on top of my job. I tried my best supporting her but it was tough juggling a job, chores and a kid and I admit I wan't always there for her. So we are seeking some professional help but I feel she has put a wall against me. Saying no to any chance to talk through these issues. I deeply care for her and it hurts me a lot that our son has to go through this. I willing to make a huge life change to help her but I don't think I am the central cause of her need to seperate. How can I just talk to her? I feel everyday that passes she grows further away. We only really talk about issues once a week because that is what we agreed on. I feel like I need to draw a line for myself as she keeps controlling every aspect of this separation.