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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Torn and broken Dealing with Ex’s , is it jealousy or disrespectful
  • replies: 20

Hi there not Sure where to start. I’ve been with my partner for a few years now and we share a house together. I’m very much in love with this man but feel like I have put up with a lot to keep the relationship together. We have a beautiful connectio... View more

Hi there not Sure where to start. I’ve been with my partner for a few years now and we share a house together. I’m very much in love with this man but feel like I have put up with a lot to keep the relationship together. We have a beautiful connection, extremely intimate and enjoy each other’s company. He spoils me rotten as I do him but feel there is two sides to this man. I feel we are only at our happiest if I keep my unhappy feelings to myself. Omit seems if I ever disagree with someone ie Ex’s he gets very cross at me and says I’m jealous. To fill you in a little, 5 months into our relationship he went back to his ex girlfriend for a week but then came back to me. I took him back. Along the way he also told me in anger that he did not know if he was still in love with his ex wife. 4 years later I have dealt with 4 occasions where he has been in contact with his ex girlfriend (not wife ) because he wasn’t sure about us. His ex girlfriend engaged with the contact because she was still in love with him. On all occasions I was completely devastated but he managed to win my heart back. As far as I know that contact ended over a year ago. My issue now is his ex wife is always asking for help with maintenance around the house as she is single and has been since their divorce which was her decision This makes me uncomfortable and I tell him so as I feel he should tell her she needs to sort things out herself now and not rely on him Am I wrong to ask him to do this , is it jealousy or is it disrespectful on his behalf and should he be putting my feelings first at the end of the day I feel he doesn’t want to upset her by saying no he can’t do it but doesn’t mind hurting my feelings I feel like I have been through enough of disrespect with this man when it comes to ex’s but just don’t know what to do I can imagine some people would just be saying leave him which is what my friends say but like I said there are two parts to this man He is so loving , generous, fun to be around , treats me like a queen but then when these issues arise , he calls me jealous and is awful to me Your honest answers will be gladly received Thsnk you for taking the time to read

Rowa_Aka Loveless marriage
  • replies: 2

I have been married for 20 years but have not been intimate with my husband for more than 8 years. I am feeling neglected and unloved. We have 2 children and I feel I am like a single parent. I take a load on my shoulders and am finding myself being ... View more

I have been married for 20 years but have not been intimate with my husband for more than 8 years. I am feeling neglected and unloved. We have 2 children and I feel I am like a single parent. I take a load on my shoulders and am finding myself being angry and lonely all the time. I work full time, take kids to appointments and activites, come home and start cooking, still have to do household duties, dont stop until midnight and am always feeling exhausted yet I still crave to have some intimacy. My husband stays home all day and is always on the computer, phone, ipad and napping and does very little to support me. He hardly ever comes to bed and tends to sleep on the lounge in front of the TV despite many attempts to tell him to go to bed. I feel like we have a more brother sister relationship than a marriage. He has a good heart and is a very placid person, he always has intentions of doing things but never eventuates to do anything... I feel in front of people he tries to make out we have a perfect loving relationship and tries to be warm and cuddly but thats just it... at home he doesnt come anywhere near me and its like hes in another world. I have asked him to come and seek some counselling but he refuses and says there is nothing wrong. I am often feeling sad and feel like I am just existing... I do everything for my family and my kids keep me feeling alive. I most of the time feel like I am more needed rather than loved and feel like if I stop then the world will stop because I am the glue that keeps us all together. It is extremely difficult when the relationship is one sided. We often get into arguments and I am angry for a couple of days and then when things calm down he thinks things are back to normal. He doesnt do any tasks around the house until I have a melt down and then he tends to get my kids to help him do things and he then thinks that everything is ok again. I have threatened to leave him but he thinks I am only joking. I am only staying for my kids because I have discussed it with them and I feel a split would be traumatising for them judging by their reaction so far. Ihave a child with emotional issues. I hate my situation as I am often arguing in front of the kids and I dont want to but I just tend to do it without any control. I love my kids too much to just up and leave. I feel i cannot control my emotions and get triggered very easily. I am getting to the point that I hate myself for thinking like that. I feel trapped.

grega dumped by fwb - I'm taking it much harder than I imagined (need advice badly)
  • replies: 5

Please don't dismiss this just because of the fwb title. I'm seeing a therapist in a week, but until then I don't know how to cope without being a total wreck. I just broke out crying in public and I don't want to be like this Anyway She's a friend o... View more

Please don't dismiss this just because of the fwb title. I'm seeing a therapist in a week, but until then I don't know how to cope without being a total wreck. I just broke out crying in public and I don't want to be like this Anyway She's a friend of 12 years. We didn't speak often, but when we did it always felt like two kindred souls reconnecting. We were supposed to be just friends with benefits. At least that was the proposition she contacted me with out of the blue, a good 2 months ago, after ending her 3 year long-distance relationship that turned ugly. I naively agreed. The sex and chemistry were incredible, conversations sincere and meaningful. It felt like putting in the last missing piece into our relationship. I messed up and got careless. I began to develop feelings very quickly like an oblivious junky drugged out on lust and pheromones. She said was stepping on all her emotional breaks not to. A week ago she met someone from her town. He's kind, safe, normal. It feels healthy. Me and her, we live in different parts of the country. She desperately craves some semblance of stability because she never had it. She recently found a job that she loves. It grounds her and it helps her with her anxiety. She said she always felt like a bird without a nest, constantly relocating, and that she's exhausted. Hearing that really touched me. She needs this now. For herself and for her child. There remains mutual respect and attraction between us, but the trajectories of our lives at this point in time seem to be irreconcilably missaligned. I asked her to let me know if she catches herself missing me and she promised me she would. When I told her how I felt about her she said she wishes I would have told her sooner. Now I'm thinking of every miniscule thing I should have said and asked that I didn't (negotiating the distance problem, maybe she'd be ok with me driving there every weekend), but I know the time for that conversation has passed. Now I would come off only as desperate, pushy and needy, and she would lose all attraction she has for me. I'm so deeply sad. I care about her so much and I wish her to be happy and fulfilled, but the thought of someone else caressing her, holding her close at night, breathing with her, falling in love together...it kills me beyond words. It feels paralyzing. I'm really struggling to move on and focus on myself, I miss her so damn much and I just want this goddamn pain to stop.

Rosepetals Exhausted and lost
  • replies: 5

Hi there, First time doing something like this but I don’t know what else I can try! My partner and I have been together for the past 2.5 years, engaged, blended family I have 3 kids he has 4 kids. Everything has been great and our relationship was a... View more

Hi there, First time doing something like this but I don’t know what else I can try! My partner and I have been together for the past 2.5 years, engaged, blended family I have 3 kids he has 4 kids. Everything has been great and our relationship was amazing until just recently. He is a FIFO working too but loves working away and enjoys his job. I have been dealing with a lot with finding out I need a hysterectomy, one of my children moving to her dads because she has fallen into the wrong crowd and failing at school. After finding out that the choice of having anymore children was taken away from me, I have been emotional as you can understand as my partner and I were talking about having a child together before finding this out. So I was guttered but he was focusing on the positive side going on holidays ect. His last swing away I needed his support as that’s when I found out this information and he started to get distance with me that was a month ago. When he got home he was disconnected, not wanting to give support and didn’t care if I was hurting. He told me that he is feeling depressed, lost, confused and wants to be alone but it has nothing to do with me, our relationship or what I am going through. I try to put my own issues aside to try and be there for him and support him through whatever he is going through. He has refused medical help of any kind. Everything he has asked for he has received and I mean everything. He went back to work, stopped calling me every night, I message he will ignore me, I call him he doesn’t pick up, he has stopped calling me pet names, stopped with an affection at all, he is getting angry and frustrated with me all the time, doesn’t want to talk about us/his feeling/our future nothing! Then started to say he might go and stay at his dads when he is home next week because he wants to be alone. I am now on day the 4th day of him not contacting me at all and I am now at the point I am a mess. My anxiety is through the roof, I am having panic attacks and it’s affecting my children. I don’t know if he is coming home! I am in limbo and I have wrapped my whole life around him including my job (i gave up a full time job) because of the fifo life. Now I feel heart broken, alone and that my whole life is falling apart. How do I help someone who doesn’t want help and wants to destroy everything we have built when I truely was so great? Thank you x

abcdefghijkl Never feel as though I am enough…
  • replies: 3

Hi Everyone, This is my first time ever doing something like this… I’m quite a private person so I would normally never speak on such a public forum like this. But at this point in time I don’t feel as though I have anyone left. I can’t talk to my fa... View more

Hi Everyone, This is my first time ever doing something like this… I’m quite a private person so I would normally never speak on such a public forum like this. But at this point in time I don’t feel as though I have anyone left. I can’t talk to my family or friends about what’s going on in my relationship, because I know that it will negatively impact the way they perceive my boyfriend. I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 9.5 years. For the longest time I had so much hope for our relationship, and felt as though we were going to spend our lives together. For as long as I can remember, I have loved him with ever fibre of my being. Almost a year ago, I discovered that he had been researching brothels and was considering cheating on me. When I found out, I was devastated and I experienced the worst heartbreak of my life. We were broken up for six weeks before we decided to get back together. A month ago, I discovered that he was considering it again. To say that my self-esteem and trust were destroyed would be an understatement. He promised me that he would change and that he would never actually go through with it. But I’m not so sure. I love him so much, and I want to believe that he loves me enough not to hurt me like that. But the fact is, even if he had gone through with it, he would never admit it to me. And so I find myself in this constant state of anxiety and uncertainty. After all of this, I can’t help but feel like I’ll ever be enough for him. It’s getting to be too much and I don’t know what to do anymore. I’ll never look like the girls he wants to be with… But I don’t know what would be worse, the pain of letting him and our relationship go, or the constant feeling of not being enough.

Mr_Walker Partner's drinking affecting relationship
  • replies: 21

Hi everyone - I haven't been on here for a few years! But I wondered if anyone could give me some different perspectives on this issue...? My partner and I have been together for 21 years - Ive suffered from Anxiety and Depression most of my life but... View more

Hi everyone - I haven't been on here for a few years! But I wondered if anyone could give me some different perspectives on this issue...? My partner and I have been together for 21 years - Ive suffered from Anxiety and Depression most of my life but getting better at coping all the time. I used to drink a LOT before I got my Anxiety diagnosed but I haven't had a drink at all for something like 12-14 years. My wife though has been drinking more as she's gotten older (we're both 44). She drinks every day and drinks excessively (like falling down drunk) once a week or so. She realises she drinks too much but she doesn't show any signs of slowing or stopping - I've pretty much given up on the hope that she will stop. But MY problem is how much it bugs me - I feel like I'm being unreasonable (and that may be the case) in wanting her to stop drinking - I don't want to be controlling or demanding - and it seems extreme of me (which it may be) to be remotely considering ending a 20+ year relationship over it - but more and more I feel like I can't deal with it. I guess I would like to hear other people's opinions on this - is it unreasonable of me to demand that someone else stop drinking? Is it unreasonable of HER that she keeps drinking, knowing how much it's affecting our relationship? (We've discussed it a lot). Is there a different way I should be looking at the whole issue? I know I'm in the minority in society being a total non drinker and it feels unreasonable to demand that of someone else... I've been trying to NOT let it bug me so much over the past few years but it's not working! Many thanks for listening!

1967 Why
  • replies: 23

I'm new and the past 12 months have been well not kind, my wife devorced me I can not hold a job longer the 3 mouth's before I have a breakdown, and recently I have started dumping/ saying to family and friends don't contact me and delete any contact... View more

I'm new and the past 12 months have been well not kind, my wife devorced me I can not hold a job longer the 3 mouth's before I have a breakdown, and recently I have started dumping/ saying to family and friends don't contact me and delete any contact info they have on me. I cry for no reason just out of the blue and find the only way I'm coming is drinking in the afternoon and then going to sleep only to wake up at 3am and starting the whole day the same, I don't know what I want out of this Forum or if it may help I just don't know.

Izzy286 Scared of my future
  • replies: 4

Hi all, I think my 26 year relationship/marriage has actually ended. It’s been good and bad over the past few years, went threw a separation but managed to rekindle & come back together. We love each other but suck at communicating, well he does. He’... View more

Hi all, I think my 26 year relationship/marriage has actually ended. It’s been good and bad over the past few years, went threw a separation but managed to rekindle & come back together. We love each other but suck at communicating, well he does. He’s a bad gambler & drinks a lot but these are things I’ve learnt to monitor and tolerate. Lately I’ve been driving myself crazy obsessing over the thought of him cheating on Facebook (This was an issue and why we separated). He has Facebook but I don’t and lately its been feeling like he’s glued to his phone and I don’t exist. I say cheating being talking, not anything physical. Well that I know off. Anyway I finally snapped we had words, nasty ones and he walked out a week ago, we have had no communication since. We have 3 amazing kids but i feel like my future is me sitting at home sad and alone and lost, slipping into depression and Anxiety if anyone asks ‘ how are you feeling’ Do I beg for forgiveness and salvage the marriage, very hard with no communication or stay in bed and continue to feel sad and alone. 🥲

picklesnme Ready to leave my emotionally abusive partner of 8 years, worried
  • replies: 7

Ive been with my partner for 8 years and we share 2 incredible kids together (6 and 2). He has always had issues with severe anxiety and depression, likely bipolar too, but has always refused further treatment beyond taking meds which just arent work... View more

Ive been with my partner for 8 years and we share 2 incredible kids together (6 and 2). He has always had issues with severe anxiety and depression, likely bipolar too, but has always refused further treatment beyond taking meds which just arent working. Our relationship has become increasingly toxic in the last 3 years, he is becoming more and more irrational and harder to life with each day. I work full time, do all housework, do all errands as he doesnt drive, my minimum wage income supports the 4 of us despite the fact he has a small amount of money he will not contribute to bills or general expenses. I have become depressed and unbelievably stressed due to the constant financial strain and demands from him since he wont help, yet he believes he 'does everything' as he watches our 2 year old while I work. We are moving nowhere in life, getting into more debt and I just dont love him anymore. His answer to our problems is that 'if I loved him more and showed him more affection he would feel better, cope better and be able to help more'. He finds a way to put the blame for eeeeverything onto me - if he wakes up in a bad mood its because of something I did 3 weeks ago, if the kids are acting up and misbehaving then its because I'm working too much and not helping with them enough, if our plans for a night out fall through at the last minute then its because I mustve sabotaged it. He believes my family are conspiring against him and want to ruin every holiday/special occasion just to spite him. I cant deal with the constant criticism and negativity thrown at me everyday, I am often blindsided by the accusations he makes, yet to him it seems completely rational and true. I'm finally at breaking point and ready to move on from him, but my hesitation is that he is incredibly unpredictable and bordeline suicidal. He has no friends, our kids are everything to him and Im worried that by splitting with him that it will push him over the edge. If youve been in this situation before, how did you navigate a safe break up? I know if he ever did anything it wouldnt be my fault, but I dont know how I could cope. Any tips on how to do this the most pain-free way as possible??

beezel Married and lesbian
  • replies: 4

I'm married (to a man), older and lesbian and find I am not accepted by community since coming out. The lesbian community offers opportunities for meets but members run a mile when they find out you are married. The mainstream population very between... View more

I'm married (to a man), older and lesbian and find I am not accepted by community since coming out. The lesbian community offers opportunities for meets but members run a mile when they find out you are married. The mainstream population very between supportive comments of bravery and always there for you, to repulsion and rejection. I feel surrounded by a void without human contact, slowly moving towards some sort of resolution of which I am unclear and wonder if I'll ever reach. I know I am not alone, I have read enough stories, usually shared at the end of the journey when the torment is over. There are others like me out there still on the journey and I wonder if anyone is brave enough to come forward to look at how we can support each other. COVID has shown us how important contact and touch are important to resilience and mental health. Professional assistance is helpful but nothing would replace the support of someone travelling the same journey. Any suggestions welcome.