Marriage falling apart
Just getting this off my chest.
Husband finds fault with everything I do.
I criticise his parenting. Because he can be unkind to our kids. Not abusive, but un-kind. Un-kind to me too.
I have tried so hard to please. Nothing I do matters, he gets into moods..
Today he said he wants peace and quiet. Closed the bedroom door in my face and went to sleep.
I have never spoken disrespectfully of him or to him. He disrespects me a lot. And I take it...I take it all....
I am so scared of being alone. ANd All the financial stuff. And kid logistics... But I don't know if I can take any more ..
Hello Lonely, and a warm welcome to the site and thanks for posting your comment in difficult circumstances.
Being un-kind can still, unfortunately, be another way of abusing you and the children and it's called emotional abuse, still detrimental in not only how you react but also as how you are viewed in his opinion and it's very uncomfortable for all of you.
All of this disrespect towards you and the children does build up, making you frightened to even sneeze at a time when he may be involved in doing something personal and doesn't want any disturbances.
I'm so sorry that you and the kids are put under this pressure, that shouldn't necessarily be the case.
Can I ask you a question or two and please only answer if you want to, it just gives us a little more understanding of the situation you're trying to cope with, and I do apologise.
Are you receiving any Centrelink payments and renting or purchasing a house, I only ask this because it's a way that we may be able to help you.
Does your husband work?
You won't be alone, so please us help you.
Dear Lonely 2,
There is still hope in your case to save your marriage.
A miracle is needed to save my marriage as my wife plans to leave me soon. I am crying everyday, I am in pain mentally everyday.
I beg you to buy and read the book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Marriage and apply what you think you have tried or done before you read or hear the book. You still have chance to save your marriage so please read /hear carefully the book and apply it.
I am struggling financially but I can afford to buy for you the book if you can't afford it. And I wish you can save your marriage. Because divorcing shall adversely impact so much to you, your husband and your children.
It impacts mentally, physically, health and well being.
It can be in many format like paper copy or audible amazon Audible. The book is written by Stephen R. Covey.
The book is written by Stephen R. Covey.
Also after that you should read the book the 7 Habits of highly Effective People of the same author.
You know if I read and apply what it says in the book, our marriage would not come to this stage. And I believe that your marriage can be safe if you carefully apply what you learn from Stephen Covey. I wish I did it a few months ago.
Hi there my friend.
Reading your post, I'd like you to know that you can access an array of support available to assist with your situation and how you are coping with your Husband's behaviour. From what you have stated, it sounds like there is some conflict within each other and that you may be possibly resenting your husband for how he feels. I'd like to highlight how important it is for someone not to feel resentfulness, as this can cause us to make a situation become worse than resolving the issue at hand.
You said: "Today he said he wants peace and quiet. Closed the bedroom door in my face and went to sleep." This may be him signaling to you that he needs some resolution to how you feel because some people deal with situations differently. When we experience unwanted thoughts such as loneliness (I am one for these), it causes us to live in the past or see into the future which causes us to feel grief, suffering, pain and the feeling of loss. To overcome these 'unreal thoughts/feelings' we need to train our brains and tell ourselves that we are better, we are compassionate beings and that aspire to make ourselves the happiest we can be.
If you try something different, I believe that if we take the control back, let our partners have their time to de-fuse by allowing them to recharge their batteries, it also allows us to do the same. There is no better feeling that apologising to each other for acting like silly billy's.
The above is a resolution to knowing that if I show humility and love myself, my partner sees this and loves how I am passionate and caring about our relationship because we need to treat ourselves well and live happy life.
Hi Lonely 2
I feel for you so very much as you face 2 incredibly difficult and challenging forms of heartbreak.
I can relate to the heartbreak involved in a marriage which we once imagined would feed our soul in wonderful heartfelt ways. I can relate to the heartbreak involved in a marriage which leads you to lose love for your self. There can be so much grief and sadness with both forms of heartbreak.
I can relate to all those things we can be left saying to our self, such as
- I have tried so hard to please but nothing I do matters (I have also thought this, just like you)
- I have almost always been thoughtful and respectful with my words, when at times I just wanted to scream
- I have almost always done things his way, so as to keep the peace
- I have questioned myself often as to what I'm doing wrong
I won't go on with this list. I'll simply imagine your list may be just as long as mine, maybe longer
I've been with my husband for over 20 years and it's only been within the last couple that I've begun to see more clearly. I wish to share in the hope that you see your strengths and abilities, so that you may move forward with a sense of achievement, self love and direction.
Taking that list and putting a spin on it so as to create a different perspective
- I have tried so hard to please but nothing I do matters = I have been a thinker, a tryer, a doer. I have not sat back, as I have worked hard. I have stretched my imagination in service to my marriage, in ways I am proud of, in ways that are incredible
- I have almost always been thoughtful and respectful with my words, when at times I just wanted to scream = While I have faced a lack of consciousness, a lack of reasoning and a lack of respect from my partner, I have time and time again applied thought, reason and consideration in ways that have led me to be more conscious, more reasonable and more respectful in regard to myself and my efforts. I have evolved through greater consciousness, reasoning and growing self respect
- I have almost always done things his way, so as to keep the peace = While I have willingly yet sadly faced deprivation of what I need and want at times, I have passed the test of tolerance. I have graduated to intolerance, where now I am entitled to the freedom to express myself
- I have questioned myself often as to what I'm doing wrong = I have overlooked all that I've done right
Hope you see how far you've come, how much you've grown and how many challenges you've actually risen to.