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Seperated and lost

Community Member
Hi I’m 45 seperated for a year from my husband of 8 years, when we first split I was so focused on what I wanted to do. I wanted my own place near my kids and grand kids etc I was walking 4 k everyday, I was chatting to other people felt like I was happy. But I couldn’t find somewhere to rent, after applying for over 30 houses, there were either too many applicants or I wasn’t earning enough. So I stayed in the marital home while he stayed in the motor home outside. He would come in the house and tell me how much he loved me etc etc but it was more yell at me his frustration. Then he would yell at me that he was going to kill himself . And he was very convincing that that was his plan. After a few not so great dates I had with other people I thought maybe I would give my husband another chance. Now I feel stuck and lost. Depressed and miserable. Stopped walking, stopped being happy. I also have lived with his dad for 8 years in the backyard which I loathe. Would be grateful for any tips advice wisdom a genie to grant wishes . Thanks Ali
43 Replies 43

Hi Ali,

Sorry to hear you've been having a worse week this week. If you don't mind my saying, I wonder what it was that changed your mind about staying at your friends place. Sophie_M made some good suggestions about places where you could reach out for additional support and advice and it might be worth contacting them to have a chat. Believe me when I say, I know how hard it is to do anything when you are feeling so down though for myself I know it helps if you can bring yourself to do it. Gives you some direction or strategies. Or just being able to talk about it helps.

I hope the psychologist session helped and you are feeling a bit better now. You do deserve to be happy. Here to talk.


Hi waterfront it’s a shame we can’t swap numbers to talk more.

yesterday my dog was dying in my arms, she was 12 , good age for a mini schnauzer, but I didn’t want to leave her alone she was in pain and had soiled herself. So I bathed her with the help of my ex, we dried her and I cuddled her while he rang around to find a vet to put her to sleep. Then she started bleeding and it was just horrific, so vet said be there at ten, get there as quick as possible probably 35 min drive, I tried to just make her comfy and being close to me I hope it gave her some comfort, anyway we gets there and when vet comes ,the ex comes around to help me get her out of the car, grabs my ruby but he didn’t give her back.

he held onto her and proceeded to breakdown .

and the rest was history . I’m sitting here this morning a little bit miffed .

my 16 year old chihuahua died probably 2 years ago and he never gave me a cuddle and cried more then me. He apologised and said he regrets not giving me a cuddle but yesterday history repeats. Is it wrong that im a little annoyed.
they were both my dogs .

thanks for listening

Hi Ali,

I'm so sorry to hear about the passing of your very much loved Ruby and hope you are holding up okay. It's just heartbreaking when a pet passes away and particularly in such circumstances. I'm sure she was calmed and comforted by your presence. I don't think it is wrong for you to be a little bit annoyed. You needed emotional support and comfort from your ex and this wasn't entirely what you got. It sounds like he was dealing with his own grief and forgot about your feelings and what you needed. From your previous posts, maybe a pattern he has.

Talk again.


Hi waterfront

thank you. Yeah was horrible.
yes I’m seeing a lot of things a bit clearer now. His behaviours etc

things are making sense.

I was thinking when we first met we stayed at a caravan park in Roxby where he was working, I had a shower late at night, so being a woman and dark I was on alert anyway, so he decided to jump out of the bushes and scare the poo out of me. Enough to make me cry.

and got pleasure from scaring me. Not normal behaviour, didn’t see it then I’m seeing it now.
ah well, we love and learn

he got very angry at me the night, raised voice etc so nothings changed there. I have a few options in the works as I’m moving out. I just have to wait n see.

still save save save , I have quite a bit saved so that’s a start.

thanks Ali