I’m a guy in my late 20’s, and a year ago I came out to my friends and family.
I recently fell deeply in love with a straight guy (or so he claims) and I would like advice on how to proceed given we’ve had sex many times, been in what’s felt like a romantic relationship and just travelled together (one-on-one) for a few weeks which was possibly the best experience of my life.
However, unfortunately this guy says he’s not gay and wants nothing more than a strong friendship and sex here and there on the side.
Through deep thought of our time together, I believe he is both strongly sexually and emotionally into me. However my thoughts are that he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with guys and may never need to come out, as he could be equally strongly sexually and emotionally into girls and therefore chooses to live a more ‘normal’ life with them. He’s big on family and kids.
The problem: It has been hard for me sometimes when we are not together. I’ll want to hang out more and do more than he does. We’ve been catching up once - twice per week, however I really want to spend more time, do more travelling and live together.
The fact this is all happening, but we are not in a relationship hurts.
I believe there is a chance he’ll come out in the future, but this could bring other downsides. He may want to experience more guys and this would hurt me even more and likely destroy a possibility of a lifelong friendship. So maybe its best for me if he never does?
At my request, I’ve asked we don’t speak with each other for a few months while he’s still away overseas so I can move on and catch feelings for a new guy - this would hopefully pave the way for us to be just strong friends when he gets back later in the year. He’s a bit upset by this request, but accepts its for the better.
My questions to the community is how do I proceed? What usually happens in this scenario? Advice? Am I being too unrealistic thinking we can go back to friendship removing the sex and feelings? Can my feelings go away? Do you think he will come out?
In the straight world you generally wouldn’t stay friends with someone you’ve just been so strongly in love with. It this an unreasonable expectation?
The thought of not even being friends is the most depressing thing ever to me. But I also am aware of that fact I could waste many years of my life being into this guy but nothing developed- as it has made me unable to meet or be interested in meeting new people.
