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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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escher_1999 Finding peace after being hurt during one of the hardest years of my life
  • replies: 2

I'm a doctor and met my ex (both in our early 20s) earlier this yr. He was my direct senior at the time and we'd known each other for a few mths, but were purely work mates at that stage. Then one day I received a call at work that my sister had suff... View more

I'm a doctor and met my ex (both in our early 20s) earlier this yr. He was my direct senior at the time and we'd known each other for a few mths, but were purely work mates at that stage. Then one day I received a call at work that my sister had suffered severe head injuries after attempting suicide. My ex was right next to me when it all unfolded. During the following wks our friendship grew and we became closer over a couple of mths before starting an official relationship. I've continued working full-time, studying part-time and tried to sustain my social life as best as I can since the accident. At this point I felt happy overall, though waves of pain would wash over me occasionally. //My ex is religious and I'm not. We had a few long chats about it and I'm open to exploring religion so we decided to continue dating. He talked to his family a couple of wks into the relationship and they didn't approve. He said his feelings were true and deep, and told me he wanted to fight for us. I trusted him, though I would've respected a decision to end things if he felt that way. Around the same time, his close friend of 4yrs confessed her love to him. He told me she wished him well but had given him an ultimatum that for them, it would either be a relationship or they couldn't stay friends. He affirmed that he wanted to be w/ me and said he'd give her some time to cool off. I didn't pay too much mind at the time. //Fast forward 2wks, he flew interstate for one of his best friend's weddings. She was also there and I trusted that he'd respect boundaries. It was a few days later when I picked him up from the airport that I sensed sth had changed. He said he'd been feeling that sth was missing for the past 2wks and after spending time w/ his friend, he realised that he loved her. He was crying so hard, even hitting himself at one stage as he was breaking up with me. //The pain I felt was excruciating. I loved him, but he knew the extent of my vulnerability at this time and chose not to communicate w/ me when he had doubts. Mb I wouldn't have felt this hurt if I wasn't already trying to process a deeper loss. The day after we broke up, he msged saying he'd wait patiently for my forgiveness, however long it takes. It's been almost 2mths since then and I've blocked him on all platforms to try give myself complete space to heal. I'm exhausted and far from feeling at peace.

gk_80 Work friend. It's never going to be a thing, but we can't separate, either. Is that OK?
  • replies: 8

I think what I need to hear is that life sometimes goes this way. You just have to live with it. Rewind. I've been very close to a work colleague for a year or so. I find this person intelligent, capable, and I do find them attractive. But they're ma... View more

I think what I need to hear is that life sometimes goes this way. You just have to live with it. Rewind. I've been very close to a work colleague for a year or so. I find this person intelligent, capable, and I do find them attractive. But they're married and I'm not. We've never stepped over the line physically in any way. I couldn't tell you the last time we even brushed against one another by accident in the office, let alone anything else. We did have what could be called an emotional affair for a few months, with online chat outside of work. It was fun at the time and not sexy at all. But we mutually ended this based on what we'd read about emotional relationships causing trouble for people, even if that was hard for both of us to stop. We've remained friends at work and I don't believe we can stop being friends. If we were the same sex and straight I'm not even sure there would be an issue here at all. All that said, I still feel I have some sort of romantic feelings for this person - as I feel they might have for me - but neither of us have acted on it. We don't talk about it. So to go back to the start, I think what I need to hear is that sometimes you come across someone you find attractive but you can't do anything about it and that's OK. That's life. You just bottle it up. On my side I don't want to be a home wrecker. On their side I'm satisfied they love their partner. I've never felt led on by them if that's what you're thinking. There's just a bond that neither of us can seem to let go of that sits outside of everything else. Have you ever been really into someone, knowing it's not going anywhere meaningful, but still wanting to be close to them and unable to let go?

Lolly121 Should I tell him?
  • replies: 9

Hi, So 6 months ago my partner and I of three years had a miscarriage and he wasnt supportive at all. We grew apart for three months after it. I resented him for not being supportive. We live together but hardly talked and didnt get along. i went out... View more

Hi, So 6 months ago my partner and I of three years had a miscarriage and he wasnt supportive at all. We grew apart for three months after it. I resented him for not being supportive. We live together but hardly talked and didnt get along. i went out one night got very very drunk and kissed a random man at the pub who then told me he was married. The man lives 3 hours away and I'll never see him again. He made contact with me to apologise and promised he will never tell a soul and to think of this as a small bump in my road and to learn from it. My partner and I have always said that if we slipped up once in our relationship ship we'd bother rather not know as long as no sex or emotions were involved. So I've respected his wishes, we have mended out relationship the last 3 months and are such a wonderful loving team. We had a second miscarriage this month and I'm an EMOTIONAL wreck. My guilt, shame and angry towards myself is unbearable.. I'm so scared he'll find out and hate me forever. I've loved my partner for 7 years. His my world and I'm so sad I made this mistake. I know if I was to ever do it again I would be open and tell him as twice is not a mistake. But I'm so scared we will get married have children then this will come out in 10/20 years time and destroy absolutely everything I'm so scared and worried. The man said he'd never tell anyone as he is married and for me to move on learn and forget what should I do ;( I'm a horrible person

peonie63 Love 4 weeks ago....disgust now
  • replies: 2

Hi I have been with my partner for 9 years, when I met him he was broken from a bad relationship. I had finally found andnequal liove - ourn motto was a relationship needs to be easy - tick tick. My cup was full and moved states to be with him. He in... View more

Hi I have been with my partner for 9 years, when I met him he was broken from a bad relationship. I had finally found andnequal liove - ourn motto was a relationship needs to be easy - tick tick. My cup was full and moved states to be with him. He initially looked at me with adoration. He always told me that he had it all but wasn't happy. He couldnt handle conflict so any argument would end with - oh so throw it back on me its my fault - which frustrated me no end. He struggled.with the dysfunctionality of his job and he was always the fix it man. He had many moments of job related stress and came out of it and a couple of times he lost it and would iphysically inact situations so he could get his point across. Just before he went away he was drinking alot and sleeping separately, his reasoning - well you always leave from me snoring so i might as well - his face was just blank and I said you seem weird he agreed - fast forward a week and he came back - he said he thinks he has had a breakdown and he didn't want to come home - then he started doing house.choirs like he was ticking boxing - from there he stopped.talking and looked at me with disgust - I have moved out - I sent a text to say I am hoping he is ok - the message I got back was horrific - said it was me not his work and accusations that are completely blown out of proportion - I am now second guessing everything - when he left his wife she changed passwords etc for internet and the first thing he has done - he's thinking I am her- his mum has bipolar and he was beaten as a child - his children have their head in the sand and dont understand the severity, I know what i need to do which is move on, but it all seems surreal.. anyone had similar situations

Sally73 Moving interstate without adult children.
  • replies: 9

Hello, I have a really hard decision to make and it's tearing me apart! I have 3 grown up daughter's 27, 23, 18. The 27year old has moved states, the 23 year old spends 2 days a week with me, the rest of her time with partner, 18year old spends 90%Of... View more

Hello, I have a really hard decision to make and it's tearing me apart! I have 3 grown up daughter's 27, 23, 18. The 27year old has moved states, the 23 year old spends 2 days a week with me, the rest of her time with partner, 18year old spends 90%Of her time with her partner. I'm lonely, so lonely, I've lost a job I adored and feeling very lost. 9 months ago I met an amazing guy who lives in a dif state... we meet up every 2 weeks for a week or more and are totally in love. He is my soul mate. My question is, do I stay for my Adult children or move states to be with a man who loves me and treats me like his princess. I've been a mum since 18 and feel like I'm abandoning them! But I'm so depressed and lonely.

Jolteon_Thunder Sexless Marriage - My husband has no sex drive
  • replies: 12

Since being married (about 2 years) we have had sex around 5-10 times. Most of which was during the honeymoon. I haven't had sex for about a year. He says it's him but it's getting hard to believe.He says he's self-concious. I do everything to reassu... View more

Since being married (about 2 years) we have had sex around 5-10 times. Most of which was during the honeymoon. I haven't had sex for about a year. He says it's him but it's getting hard to believe.He says he's self-concious. I do everything to reassure him. I'm desperately sick of being rejected. I look after myself and am quite fit, but I feel so ugly at this point. I just want to know if there's other women who are facing the same issue.

itsagamble Relationship break up. Am I an abuser? Feeling confused.
  • replies: 24

I don't know what I want from this. I think its just a place to air my feelings and gain perspective.I have been suffering from stress over not being paid by work and bills and rent getting ahead of me. THe past couple of weeks I have expressed frust... View more

I don't know what I want from this. I think its just a place to air my feelings and gain perspective.I have been suffering from stress over not being paid by work and bills and rent getting ahead of me. THe past couple of weeks I have expressed frustration with various things by swearing unnecessarily for instance when I receive another bill, or another message from work demanding more while I still remain unpaid. Anyway, last week on Tuesday (today is thursday week 2) I was at my partners house sitting with her on the couch. She was studying for a jo interview and I was reading my emails. I received a rude email from my property manager and swore under my breath (f'ing c). My partner asked if I wanted to talk about something and I said no babe, its ok. A few minutes later she said she was going to my home to get her jacket for the job interview and could I cook dinner, which I said yeah sure. Not long after she phoned and said I had made her feel unsafe and asked that she be alone tonight so I said OK and left. When I arrived home she had not only taken her jacket but also all of her belongings that she normally leaves here. I messaged her and asked whats up, why have you taken your stuff and apologised for making her feel unsafe. She then followed up with a tirade saying she didnt have to explain herself, she had been in DV situations before and she shouldnt have to make an excuse to leave her home so she could feel safe asking me to go. Now, I am not and was not aggressive at all, I simply swore. I went to call her to talk and she had blocked me. Sent an apology the next morning and she basically said 'not good enough etc'" so i gave her some space that day. That night she blocked me on instagram. I saw that and quickly sent her another lengthier apology explaining I understood how I hurt her etc. Still not good enough so I sent a further one along with an explanation of things I had done for her, defending myself in that I didnt see it as a big thing. She said she was done with the conversation so I left her be Thursday, Friday and on Friday night she posted photos on facebook which I commented on, along with 12 others. She 'loved' all of their comments, but intentioanlly left mine unliked which was upsetting. Next morning I attempted a more in depth apology, she thanked me for my heartfelt apology but it wasnt enough as she was hurt by some of the things I had said.

Marlz17 Emotionally immature partner
  • replies: 3

i'm in a new-ish relationship with a guy who is really great most of the time.I suffer from panic disorder and some anxiety which is mostly under control but can flare up from time to time.Last night was one of those times. We'd spent the day out wit... View more

i'm in a new-ish relationship with a guy who is really great most of the time.I suffer from panic disorder and some anxiety which is mostly under control but can flare up from time to time.Last night was one of those times. We'd spent the day out with his friends and he'd been a bit distant with me (not talking to me much etc) which bothered me a little bit. I ended up going home and I was feeling anxious and things bubbled over and I ended up having a panic attack and feeling pretty awful.I messaged him and told him I'd had a rough night and explained what had happened and his response was "you poor thing. hopefully you feel better tomorrow. i'm going to get some sleep now"He didn't ask why I was upset, didn't call me or offer to come and see me.Like I said, most of the time he's great, but it seems like when I'm having a tough time he doesn't know how to deal with it which in turn leaves me feeling even worse and even less supported. I don't know how to explain to him that I need more support during these times. It can be hard to ask for help. Even just a phone call would have meant a lot. I'm normally pretty good at communicating how I feel and what I need but this guy just doesn't seem to get it sometimes. I'm sure I'll talk to him about it at some point and hopefully we'll sort things out but just writing it down here is good therapy. Thanks for reading.

mof2 Pregnant and break up
  • replies: 3

I’m 5 months pregnant and the relationship has ended. I feel panic. He talked me out of getting a termination earlier, he strung me along and now i feel like I wish I had gone with my gut instinct. Now the relationship has ended. I tried to get an te... View more

I’m 5 months pregnant and the relationship has ended. I feel panic. He talked me out of getting a termination earlier, he strung me along and now i feel like I wish I had gone with my gut instinct. Now the relationship has ended. I tried to get an termination but the hospital has made it very difficult and made me wait 3 weeks I got a pregnant Dr who guilted me about the termination and when I said you have now denied this she was taken aback. I was sure I wanted it. I don’t want this baby. I don’t know how to cope. This is a nightmare. I have a toddler and I’m going through a divorce this is going to impact me and my other child financially. meanwhile I haven’t had any support from this baby father and haven’t heard from him. I can’t sleep.

Anxiousandsleepless Help with Compulsive Lying
  • replies: 4

Hi everyone, I have been bullied most of my life and have lived in poverty for about the same time. I used to lie as a kid and a teen to appear cooler than I was, or to fit in. I knew I was lying and I felt guilty; but never guilty enough to not do i... View more

Hi everyone, I have been bullied most of my life and have lived in poverty for about the same time. I used to lie as a kid and a teen to appear cooler than I was, or to fit in. I knew I was lying and I felt guilty; but never guilty enough to not do it. Then I entered an abusive relationship in my late teens, and I acted so horribly myself that I was terrified of people ever finding out what I did or how I acted.Then I met some lovely people approximately 10 years ago and I became friends with them. These people are adorable and sweet; they are all well off and live the kind of lives we could only dream of. Only problem, they made me feel inadequate. They had money, they travelled, I would get bullied or the side eye when it was made clear I hadn’t travelled anywhere as near as much as them. I was embarrassed. Poverty has had me in the same place for years and I don’t get to travel. So I started lying about where I was born and where I grew up. Also where I went to school (in case any of these people met these bullies). I told these lies and these people were still my friends, they really liked me and thought I was this wonderful and caring person. My parents were poor so I lied about the jobs they did as well. I was bullied as a kid because mum didn’t work. I always felt bad, but again, never enough to stop.My life to them seems way cooler than the drab and sad existence I have lived until now. I often lied about my age to try and fit in when I didn’t need to lie about my age (with different people to these). I have drifted apart from these people because of life these days; and I still love them so much. However, I have hurt them by lying and letting them believe I’m a person I’m not. I’ve also come to the conclusion I MUST STOP LYING. For good. And I need to tell these people. They don’t deserve to be hurt by me anymore. I desperately want to stop lying and live a life free from lies. I met new people last night and I told the truth about my life. They didn’t judge. I know I will lose these friends because of I’ve done. I just don’t know how to do it. I’m too cowardly to do it in person, but I don’t know if a text message is the right way either. I want to stop hurting them. What do I do?