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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Blackdog18 narcissistic abuse
  • replies: 1

I am an 80-year-old father with a 40-year-old son who suffers from a narcissistic personality disorder. He lives alone in Melbourne in a lovely apartment near the CBD. The Disability Support Pension supports him. He is not physically disabled. I trav... View more

I am an 80-year-old father with a 40-year-old son who suffers from a narcissistic personality disorder. He lives alone in Melbourne in a lovely apartment near the CBD. The Disability Support Pension supports him. He is not physically disabled. I travel up from Geelong by train once a month to visit him, and sometimes I stay overnight. He has a substance abuse problem, alcohol and marijuana.Because of a serious violent incident against his stepmother and me five years ago, which involved police intervention, he is no longer welcome in our house. He blames the breakdown on my wife, a loving retired nurse. For years he sent her loathsome emails and text messages until I removed her details from his phone and laptop. My doctor advised me to disengage from him, which I have done from time to time. My problem is that he has no friends or support apart from me, so we always resume contact, and I visit him but no longer stay over. I generally catch up with him on Christmas Eve. Otherwise, he would see no one. Last week he demanded I stay three nights because I had been interstate to see his half-sister. (he is estranged from her and his half-brother.) I refused, and the email abuse and gaslighting started again. I care for him and am very concerned for his welfare, but he makes me unhappy and worried, and he scares his stepmother. His own mother died when he was eleven years old.

Kerrald Cheating Husband. Zero support or finances
  • replies: 2

For years my husband has had a bad relationship with alcohol. Apparently he’s not an alcoholic but once he starts drinking he’ll binge until he passes out. Recently he’s been sneaking out of the house and staying at brothels until the next afternoon.... View more

For years my husband has had a bad relationship with alcohol. Apparently he’s not an alcoholic but once he starts drinking he’ll binge until he passes out. Recently he’s been sneaking out of the house and staying at brothels until the next afternoon. He’s also previously talked about harming himself. We are going to separate after Xmas. But he went out again last night and spent all our money at the brothel again. we have 2 young children, and I have zero support as all my family and friends are overseas. He has his own business and currently pays me a wage - he says he’ll continue to pay me a wage until I can get on my feet, but I can’t trust that because of his spending at the brothels etc. I feel completely isolated, and feel that he has the control because he is our only source of income. I need someone to hand hold me through all of this mess

clintoff What are the chances she will come back?
  • replies: 2

Hi, My girlfriend broke up with me via letter. We were together for 3 months. I fell in love with her as a person and would regularly tell her that, refer to her as beautiful, amazing etc. Her, her friends and colleagues as well as her psychologist a... View more

Hi, My girlfriend broke up with me via letter. We were together for 3 months. I fell in love with her as a person and would regularly tell her that, refer to her as beautiful, amazing etc. Her, her friends and colleagues as well as her psychologist all made mention of how much happier I made her life. She said that I was the best thing to ever happen to her, she could only see me in her future etc. It went from that to receiving a letter saying that being intimate made her feel depressed because I was taking too long and therefore it meant I didn't enjoy it because she wasn't attractive etc and she can't trick her brain into thinking anything different. She hasn't deleted me off social media but for my own personal improvement I limited seeing what she posted so I can focus on me getting past the hurt (I know it takes time as I have dealt with a mother with mental health issues but I also know how to separate the person and the mental health).What are the chances of her rekindling how she felt after she gains control of her thoughts? How else can I support her? I have set the relationship aspect aside because I know it will only cause more problems and do more damage to her progress. Thank you

Anita-K Daughter has cut me off completely from grandkids
  • replies: 17

A few weeks ago, completely unexpectedly as we had a normal mother daughter relationship, my daughter sent me an email asking me to never contact her ever again. And I cannot have any contact with my gorgeous grandkids ever again-not even video chats... View more

A few weeks ago, completely unexpectedly as we had a normal mother daughter relationship, my daughter sent me an email asking me to never contact her ever again. And I cannot have any contact with my gorgeous grandkids ever again-not even video chats! The way the email was written, it was by my daughter but as if she had morphed into a totally different personality! I am heartbroken at the ending of our hitherto fine relationship, but most shattered at no more contact ever with granddaughter 6 or grandson 4-these kids love me so much and I love them so much! Their mum is a single mum. I think the COVID lockdown restrictions on her have given her a mental health breakdown. But she did three years ago suddenly separate and then divorce her very loving kind husband, for no reason anyone could see so this "deletion" of people from her life is not new- I just never could have foreseen that she would do this to her own mother! I have supported her through so much heavy stuff in her life including after being in a domestically violent relationship. I drove all night 600 kms interstate, picked her and her stuff up and then drove straight back 600 kms- the whole round trip in 24 hours! I attended the local police precinct with her, then attended the court case for a restraining order for her. Then she stayed at my place as an adult, for years. We went on very long daily walks together. Also I dropped everything three times in 2018, to take her to hospital when she had life threatening auto immune collapses. I have babysat the eldest child, then just 1, for a full day, in the first year after my daughter returned to work. The kids so love coming to my place to see me! I am feeling so depressed and preoccupied with this issue. I feel so helpless as she says she has me on "block" now and threatens an intervention order if I try to contact in any way. The grandkids will wonder why Grandma does not want contact with them anymore! I am distraught!

PsychedelicFur Should I end my relationship?
  • replies: 2

I've been with my partner for almost twelve months. Communication can be hard and I feel like he doesn't listen sometimes. He admits to lying to his parents. On our recent date, he told them he was paying for both of us to go to the movies. Although ... View more

I've been with my partner for almost twelve months. Communication can be hard and I feel like he doesn't listen sometimes. He admits to lying to his parents. On our recent date, he told them he was paying for both of us to go to the movies. Although in reality, he paid for the food and I paid for the tickets. And then after the movies he spent some money on a CD for himself. I confronted him about it and how it made me feel uncomfortable, this was yesterday. Today, he hearted a photograph of another girl on Facebook. I am not controlling and I have told him that it's ok to like photos of other girls but hearting makes me feel quite uncomfortable. I've told him three times yet he still seems to do it. He tells me 'I can't live without you.' and 'I need you so much' or 'you are my last hope.' Those comments make me feel suffocated and uncomfortable. He also calls me his lifeline. I don't really know what to do.

Koa I feel like I can’t do anything right
  • replies: 2

Hi there, I am new here and I really wanted to get some help with my relationship as I feel like I can’t do anything right, me and my partner of over a year have been having some problems as of late, fighting is nothing new but these have been more s... View more

Hi there, I am new here and I really wanted to get some help with my relationship as I feel like I can’t do anything right, me and my partner of over a year have been having some problems as of late, fighting is nothing new but these have been more serious, just these last few weeks we’ve been having fights where we don’t talk much afterwards and she starts to use one word responses and not really talk much, she suffers from mental health issues so I try my best to be as considerate as possible but I feel like I can’t always do it. She’d always be the one to fight for communication and after months of things not really working on my end like sometimes I can’t keep the promises I made, change certain parts of myself that cause problems like my snappy attitude at times and sometimes being inconsiderate and inconsistent with change and sometimes we fight over things I should be changing for, and over time she stopped fighting and she’d think she’s the problem and changes, she always does whatever she can to make me happy and always does things in my interest to see me smile, she’s the most amazing person in my life and I need her, but then I’d think she’s changing herself too much and that she shouldn’t change and that I should instead causes she’s done enough of that for others and I wanted to be different. But I realised that in her eyes I’m unappreciative and ungrateful, and trampling on her kindness and big heartedness, I feel horrible and she tried to break up with me a few days ago but I managed to keep her, we were good for awhile but now not talking and now she’s talking “when necessary” and “when told” to make less problems and I feel like I screwed everything up by not being to do what I need to do for her and I feel like a complete failure as boyfriend, is there anything I can do?

Izzabella2022 Repeat cheating husband, 20 year relationship
  • replies: 4

Hi, looking for advice from someone who has been in a similar situation. My husband and I have been together for 20 years (high school sweethearts) married for 10. we have 3 children, our youngest is only 7 weeks old. Last week my husband admitted th... View more

Hi, looking for advice from someone who has been in a similar situation. My husband and I have been together for 20 years (high school sweethearts) married for 10. we have 3 children, our youngest is only 7 weeks old. Last week my husband admitted that during the past 5 years he has cheated on me more times than he can count with one night stands whilst away on work trips. He didn’t feel guilty at the time because I was not providing him enough attention. So this is how he justified it. It was more like a hobby than cheating. Then He then said what started as a casual sexual relationship with a colleague 12 months ago has now turned into a loving relationship with a girl 17 years younger than him in which he is not sure if he was going to leave me for her. he was distant, detached. Had no interest in this pregnancy even though we openly talked about pregnancy termination to which he convinced me otherwise. After the initial conversation, we talked about if there was an option of staying together and making it work, for ourselves and the kids. He has since broken up with his mistress but is not convincing that he won’t do anything again in the future. I am lost as to what to do. We have been together for my entire adult life and my world has just come crashing down. had anyone made it work after this extent of cheating or is it just prolonging an eventual separation? Thanks

Mia2 Loneliness
  • replies: 1

Well I moved to a new town to look after my grandkids so my daughter could continue her role as a doctor. I am so lonely

Well I moved to a new town to look after my grandkids so my daughter could continue her role as a doctor. I am so lonely

PKSYD Break up with an alcoholic partner
  • replies: 5

I have been with my partner for 8 years. Hes an alcoholic and becomes very abusive verbally when he is drunk towards me and my mother. In front of others he disrespects and most recently at his gathering in front of others he told all my friends that... View more

I have been with my partner for 8 years. Hes an alcoholic and becomes very abusive verbally when he is drunk towards me and my mother. In front of others he disrespects and most recently at his gathering in front of others he told all my friends that i dont sleep with him anymore and that i dont love him anymore. Its the love that i have had for him that has kept him in my house and not on the street. Its the sorrow i have and feel every time for him but not me. Everytime i am going to break up he tells me hes going to change and makes me feel sorry for him. In the beginning of the relationship i found out he cheated on me multiple times yet i took him back. Why? I dont know. Its like i have given given given and lost all for myself. Now this time i found him a place to make sure hes okay and am going to pay for him to live there yet now he says he will change and doesnt want to be away from me and that he loves me more than anything in this world. Last 3 years i have disconnected from him emotionally, mentally and spiritually and physically, yet he accuses me of having someone else but he doesnt see that i dont want to be near him when hes so drunk nearly every night. i wanted to put more details but im limited due to the characters.

white knight Conflict by comparisons
  • replies: 2

A friend of mine has a family trait but luckily for him he didnt inherit it as he left home young whereas his siblings remained within the toxicity. Whenever my friend has a disagreement with a family member its often relationship threatening, rarely... View more

A friend of mine has a family trait but luckily for him he didnt inherit it as he left home young whereas his siblings remained within the toxicity. Whenever my friend has a disagreement with a family member its often relationship threatening, rarely is there a casual divide of opinions. But worse than that is, whenever he puts forward his views on a topic directly, out come the comparisons and such "weighing scale" mentality results in forever not having hope of a stable relationship. Eg He forgot a BBQ event at his sisters place, due mainly that he had in-law issues, cancer, dementia etc. His sister- "I've never forgotten your BBQ's". He couldnt make it to a niece's basketball game. "(3 hours away and he'd already drove 500km that day for work) - "I attended your daughters engagement and I worked 2 jobs at the time" she'd say. Another- He visited his sister in hospital when she had pneumonia and while there he commented "I remember I never talked about my illnesses" All these reactions are unfair because they hold a high degree of expectation. What's more they are his siblings expectations based on her values, her actions, her mind. Essentially she goes through life in a manner (with people) that if they do not carry out her values and actions then they are wrong and likely a conflict will follow. My message here is- with people that compare what they would do to your actions is a state of mind whereby- conflict will occur more oftenAcceptance of others as individuals is limitedThe weighing scale mentality is "turmoil for gamble"that it passes guilt onto others often when it is human errorcan be a type of controlcan be felt as emotional blackmailSadly the consequences can be high. My friend has considered breaking off all contact with his sister after decades of trying to live up to her demands. There is no stability and he can never do "right". This is an example of unfair expectations based on the persons own ways they live their lives. If we all had the same values and never had human error we'd be clones. A sound long term relationship has elements of such acceptance, letting small things slide, promote caring and embracing personality. TonyWK