Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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73Superbird Living with an alcoholic spouse
  • replies: 4

Hi all, Where do I start...? My wife and I have been together 17 years and in the last 6 she has sunken into the deepest depths of alcohol addiction. Her disease has taken her to 5 stints in rehab, multiple trips to hospital due to injuries sustained... View more

Hi all, Where do I start...? My wife and I have been together 17 years and in the last 6 she has sunken into the deepest depths of alcohol addiction. Her disease has taken her to 5 stints in rehab, multiple trips to hospital due to injuries sustained from falling while drunk and multiple calls to police when she has gone missing. We have 3 young kids who my wife can no longer care for due to her illness necessitating the need for them to go to before and after school care so I can continue to work as she is unable to. She lies and steals continually to obtain alcohol and drinks up to 4 bottles of wine a day to the point of passing out. She is essentially non functioning. Our relationship is in ruins. She knows she has a problem and she seeks help but comes out of rehab thinking she's fine and can have a couple of drinks. The cycle then continues. If it weren't for the children my decision to leave would be easy... One of the hardest things is I have bipolar, major depressive disorder and I come from a history of addiction myself which is a recipe for disaster. In her defense I haven't been an easy person to live with. Until I was recently diagnosed with bipolar I was very unpredictable and she also has PTSD due to miscarriages and my history of self harm and my 2 suicide attempts. When my wife goes away to rehab though I feel I'm a better person and a better father. It's like she is out of sight out of mind... Of course with kids, mortgages, finances all tied together it makes decision making so much harder. I'm at a complete loss. I still love her but at the same time hate her as she is destroying her family. I'm starting to feel immense hatred and resentment toward her and the poor kids are starting to sense that as well... I just don't know what to do.

Romes88 Overwhelmed, lost, confused to the point of drinking
  • replies: 2

Hi, first time here and I guess I'm posting because I'm in a pickle where I don't want to talk to anyone I know as I don't want it to impact on how they see my husband. Firstly, I'm sure I play a huge roll in this, I'm self destructive in relationshi... View more

Hi, first time here and I guess I'm posting because I'm in a pickle where I don't want to talk to anyone I know as I don't want it to impact on how they see my husband. Firstly, I'm sure I play a huge roll in this, I'm self destructive in relationships, often expect too much (I treat others how I would like to be treated and go above and beyond because it often doesn't take much to do so), and then get naggy or just turn into a bit of a Sour puss. Which I would also like to explore why at some point.... But I need some outside help. So when covid first hit I was working from home, early days pregnant with #2, working 14 hour days, not sending older one to daycare as feared what long term covid would look like. On top of that, I got a message from a friend I had in the best years of my life. He ghosted me 5 years prior and wanted to apologise for that and explain it was because he was deeply in love with me wanted to clear his mind I guess. But this just threw me into a spiral. My logical mind says we would never have lasted anyway, I didn't overly want him at the time he pulled away from me, but the hormones, feeling unloved and over stressed at home basically led me to crumble. I got drunk whilst pregnant and hated myself ever since. It also made me question things with my husband. Did I settle? Is there something I'm missing? He is an amazing man who would never stray, has had my back through thick and thin, provides so we have a more than comfy lifestyle and helps with the kids. But he does what he has to and no more. He makes smart comments like "you live the life" and laughs when I say I'm overwhelmed saying what do you have to be overwhelmed about. The mental load, emotional exhaustion from tired prep kid and baby, keeping house, training our new puppy he wanted etc is just killing me. I feel so empty. I'm giving everything and get nothing back. He doesn't realise how easy it is to go to work rather than feed kids breaky, clean up dishes, pack kids bags, school drop off, baby meltdown, then work, then groceries, cook dinner, clean up after dinner then fold clothes, train dog etc etc the list goes on. We have had the chat heaps, he helps for a few weeks and then it's back to the same old. I'm so tired of feeling like I'm the sour nagging wife and getting disappointed that I've just stopped bringing it up and drink.... and I've been messaging the guy from above to feel something. I need some help.... what do I do, where have I gone wrong??

HT2323 New mum with no one
  • replies: 4

I don't have anywhere to turn so I'm giving this a try... I'm a new mum, my son is no longer a newborn but I'm still very new to all this. I thought that when I would finally start a family and have a baby that I would have some sort or support netwo... View more

I don't have anywhere to turn so I'm giving this a try... I'm a new mum, my son is no longer a newborn but I'm still very new to all this. I thought that when I would finally start a family and have a baby that I would have some sort or support network. As I left school and got a little older I realised that I wouldn't have much support at all, if you could call what I had left support. Mid twenties and alone. If you could tell me younger self I would have no friends and most of my family wouldve either passed away or just disliked me by now... I probably wouldve been shocked, but also believed it too... I've always had rocky relationships with my immediate family which have normally worked themselves out by someone giving in. But as I've had 6+ months off work, home alone I've realised that actually the things I deal with are toxic, and part of a repeating cycle that's pushed me further and further down my lonely rabbit hole of a life. I am thankful everyday for my fiance and my son. My fiance helps me as best he can with everything, although he has his own stresses and life burdens. And my son is the light of my life, and if not for him, maybe I would leave this place and not have to deal with anything else. I am happy, I have happy moments and make memories, but I also have blocked out a lot of my childhood and have panic attacks thinking about most pf the various times in my life. I've been bullied my whole life, primary school, highschool and work even up until now. I have so many memories than cause me to not be able to breathe that if I dont keep myself 100% busy with physically doing something or planning/organising things present or future, that I will spiral out of control. All of my friends have drifted or left me for one reason or another. I'm not very interesting, a 4/10 at best, so not very good looking as a nice way of putting it, and I am just plain weird. I have no friends now, and I don't think I will ever have any. I lost my last few friends in 2020 and even before that I didn't have them for about 2 years, fault of my own, so I didn't really think it would last anyway. I feel socially enept and at this point I just think that I'm better off accepting lonliness and not bothering my fiance with all my stress... Cont. In comments

Chocolate_brownies89 Being lied to
  • replies: 9

Hello everyone im after some advice Im being lied to and decived on a daily basis He is smoking weed and thinks that I dont no and has been for a long while We have had issues with this in the past as he would become agro at me when he couldn't affor... View more

Hello everyone im after some advice Im being lied to and decived on a daily basis He is smoking weed and thinks that I dont no and has been for a long while We have had issues with this in the past as he would become agro at me when he couldn't afford enough to meet his addiction Because of the anger I told him I choose not to go out with someone who smokes weed and that he is welcome to continue and I will leave He stopped for a long while but has started again and now I want to leave The thing with this time is because he is feeling guilty (he has no idea i know) He is actually helping around the house sometimes actually looking after the kids sometimes and when he isn't nice to me he comes back and says sorry Which i know is because when I catch him smoking he wants to be like see its ok im haven't been treating you like shit This is all stuff he doesn't usually do But I know its only a matter of time before he does actually become super agro and at that point I will leave but the waiting is driving me crazy as I no its coming and the being lied to daily is really affecting my mental health My other issues is the kids I dont trust him to have to kids alone on access for to long due to his anger And this is partly why im still here and waiting for the kids to grow up a bit more Anyway thanks for reading Im just looking for advice and what would you do?

callmesophie Im complicated - help
  • replies: 2

I have been feeling depressed lately, but the root cause has been impacting me for the last 5yrs. My guess that the root of my low self esteem, self sacrificing comes from guilt of not being there when my family had difficulties. I know I am not to b... View more

I have been feeling depressed lately, but the root cause has been impacting me for the last 5yrs. My guess that the root of my low self esteem, self sacrificing comes from guilt of not being there when my family had difficulties. I know I am not to blame 4 because I didnt cause the situation, but I cant help but feel so useless ontop of my fam being better than me. I shud be grateful. This is where it gets complicated. I got into a 2 yr relationship. 1st time I got comfortable to tell something like this to someone. We would happily call everyday, and said that we would grow as a person together. He is also my bestie. I also have 2 close friends. I care about him a lot. I can pretty sacrifice my time/money no matter what. I do the same to my friends. Anyways He got more busy whilst I am still me. He started gym, sport & becoming friends with one of my besties too w games. I am happy that he is growing. But now I feel like its hard to have the same level of attention from him as before. I feel like no one listens/cares about me. I am very selfish for thinking this way as I dont think our relationship b4 was healthy. We spent a lot of time w each other. But I feel like I am no longer important. I am jealous of him wanting to be friends with my close friend which I absolutely hate myself. I said it was ok to be friends w girls as most of his friends are guys. I dont want to be difficult. We had a discussion. I told him even before this, that I do not feel heard in our convos. He said he would improve but it feels forced when he asks further questions about me without absorbing what I said. He gradually started calling later, talking for only 2 mins even because he was playing games w my friends. It felt onesided. I mentiond to him, he said that he will try to cut out games (as always). But he said our calls have become a bit more boring as we called everyday. I feel like im a boring person to talk to - ading to my low self esteem. I offered to call less & he prefered 3x a week. I was ok w it I think. I brought up indirectly about with friends of friends. I just didnt want 1on1 meetups w him and my close friend bcos I was grossly jealous. I hate me. I know he wont cheat but everytime he brings up my friend in our conversations Im just not comfortable. Its mainly that one friend. I just feel anxious everyday the past 2 wks and its affecting me physically. So I asked for 1 month break. I tried going bak 2 my hobbies but it didnt feel fun anymore. I need help

Murph7 Ending my marriage (added complexity of having an autistic son)
  • replies: 1

Hey everyone, bit of a longer post so my apologies, and thank you to those who read and provide their perspective. I’m 34, my wife of 2.5 years is 28, and together we have a 2yr old son. Our son is autistic (not officially diagnosed, but all of our a... View more

Hey everyone, bit of a longer post so my apologies, and thank you to those who read and provide their perspective. I’m 34, my wife of 2.5 years is 28, and together we have a 2yr old son. Our son is autistic (not officially diagnosed, but all of our allied health specialists agree he is somewhere on the spectrum). This has put a significant strain on our marriage over the past 12 months as our son (let’s call him ‘H’) can be very difficult to manage. It is reaching the point where I can’t see the relationship recovering, and the lack of improvement in H is continuing to be detrimental to my mental health, and presumably my wife’s too. I am at the point where I am almost ready to leave the relationship, but am burdened by how difficult H is to manage and don’t want my wife to go through this on her own. We live close to my family but 12 hours away from hers, so outside of my family and her very few friends she has little support. She also does not work because my son has therapy and other activities 4 days a week, and I don’t want her pressured to work as the time she spends with H is so valuable for his development. So I feel like I am stuck in this relationship whether I like it or not. To be clear, I’m not wanting to not be around my son. I honestly think it would be easier for my wife and I to share his care so we each get a break from him but also have relatively equal care and time with him. I guess I’d just like some advice from others who have been in or can relate to my situation? I’m happy to go into further detail and answer any questions if needed. I’m at a loss and feel terrible how things are turning out. I can feel my life deteriorating and all aspects are being negatively impacted by this situation

xxxsoldierxxx Mother told me to find somewhere else to live
  • replies: 2

I turned 18 about a week and a half ago, and two days ago my mother told me to find somewhere else to live if I was going to keep behaving like a 'little shit.' We're always fighting and it's gotten to the point where I don't feel safe to go home bec... View more

I turned 18 about a week and a half ago, and two days ago my mother told me to find somewhere else to live if I was going to keep behaving like a 'little shit.' We're always fighting and it's gotten to the point where I don't feel safe to go home because I'm scared I'm going to do something incredibly stupid and hurt myself. I can't focus on my school work because I'm too stressed, and I've been crying for two days straight. I am trying so hard to keep it together but I'm so close to the edge, and I literally just want to die. I have no clue what to do. I can't go home, but I don't know where else I'm supposed to go.

Abused_used_alone Really upset
  • replies: 1

Hi my husband called me a psycho today. Said he would book me in to get help. I’ve been looking after his brothers kids for 9 years and I have recieved nothing but abuse. I am I’ll and get no support from him. I’m sick from auto immune and he ignores... View more

Hi my husband called me a psycho today. Said he would book me in to get help. I’ve been looking after his brothers kids for 9 years and I have recieved nothing but abuse. I am I’ll and get no support from him. I’m sick from auto immune and he ignores me but is more interested in his brothers kids foot. Calls the doctor n all. But says he will book my appointment first. Psycho ward. plus he blames me all the time for what goes on in his life. I think it’s time to tell him to go get. S…..d

adamc I'm Straight, Only Bi-curious Guys Interested in Me and Not Bothered By it?
  • replies: 5

For as long as I have lived, I've been straight and interested in women but lately I've noticed bi-curious guys are the only ones interested in me and I don't why, but I'm not bothered by it.

For as long as I have lived, I've been straight and interested in women but lately I've noticed bi-curious guys are the only ones interested in me and I don't why, but I'm not bothered by it.

Kim1988 Newborn baby struggles
  • replies: 10

Hi all. I’m 8 days postpartum now after a C-section and I’m a first time Mum. I love my little boy to the moon and back. Before my little boy was born I had never had much experience looking after small babies and I’ve never been particularly materna... View more

Hi all. I’m 8 days postpartum now after a C-section and I’m a first time Mum. I love my little boy to the moon and back. Before my little boy was born I had never had much experience looking after small babies and I’ve never been particularly maternal, unlike my sister. I like kids, but just never had that natural motherly flair. I’m struggling with getting the hang of the basics i.e. nappy changing, correct way to hold the baby. My husband on the other hand picked things up like a pro. My husband has been very helpful luckily. My little boy is so serene and peaceful during the day, but at night it’s a struggle sometimes to settle him down. It stresses me out when he cries so much. He was so attached to me in the hospital. He loved sleeping in my arms, now we’re at home and there’s more people around so I think he’s not as attached to me as he was in the hospital. I feel like such a bad mother cause sometimes I feel like I’ll never get the hang of things. I’m sure my little boy can pick up on the fact that I don’t have a lot of confidence with him. He’s such a sweet baby and I just want to do a good job for him and to be happy and healthy.