I need advice!

[xxlostxx]

I’ve been with my husband for almost 9 years. 5 years ago a long string of cracks started showing. He left myself and our then young child in a hotel room whilst he went and enjoyed private strip shows and maybe a brothel..? I can’t confirm nor deny this. Though I’ve caught him looking up escort services and he gambles and makes poker deposits behind my back but financially restricts me when I need to go grocery shopping. I’ve recently caught him sex texting and sending his private’s to another girl he met on a chat site. He promised me he wouldn’t do it again even sent me a message whilst he was at work saying that he loves me and that he’s sorry he’s made these mistakes and will not do another and thanking me for not leaving him but then the other day I find another account he created shortly after on an online dating site and I asked him if he had created one and he lied to my face then got very defensive. I didn’t bother showing him the proof of what he’s done because I felt so defeated by this point and just kept it to myself. I think 5 years on of constant broken trust it’s been made clear that I need to leave. Im so sad and so alone. We have two young children and the last thing I want is to break up our family but my mental health is really taking a big hit from this. I honestly thought he was the love of my life, I’ve never deprived him of anything so for him to do such things really confuses me…What would you do..? This is all high level because of the limited characters, I hope I’m making sense. 

[Sophie_M]

Hi xxlostxx, 

We’re sorry to hear what you’ve been through. It sounds like it’s had some very serious impacts on your life, family, relationship and work. We’re glad you could share this here, as our lovely community will have kindness, advice and understanding for you. 

It sounds like you could do with talking things through, so please don’t hesitate to give the lovely Beyond Blue counsellors a call on 1300 22 4636 or speak to them on webchat here. You could also speak to Relationships Australia on 1300 364 277. 

Thanks again for sharing here. We’re sure you’ll hear from some other community members once they spot your thread. We appreciate your kindness and openness in sharing to the forums, and we hope you can be kind to yourself, too while you’re going through this extremely difficult time.  

Kind regards,  

Sophie M 

[Learn to Fly]

Hi xxlostxx,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for sharing your story with us. You do sound like you have reached a point where you have had enough, and this comes as no surprise after years of living with a partner who has been lying to you repeatedly. 
As difficult as this seems at the moment, I truly believe you have made the best decision. This might not be easy but help is always there and you have been so brave and strong in reaching out and asking for it. 

My suggestion, if you haven't done it already, would be to go and talk to Centerlink. I hear that talking to someone in the office is more helpful than trying to get help over the phone. 

I also found the following assistance that you can access online or via calling them:

https://parents.au.reachout.com/common-concerns/everyday-issues/things-to-try-single-parenting-and-t...

What I do hear from women being placed in a similar situation to yours, meaning they have small children and are left with no choice but to leave their partners, is that the decision is not easy, and the process of leaving him is also not easy, but even a few months after separation, they feel like this huge weight has lifted from their shoulders. Because they gain a clear picture of their new life, responsibilities, help at hand, etc. Most of the things are things they had to do before anyway. But what is missing now is constant stress and worry about their partner's behaviour and whatever else comes with him. They gain independence and the move makes them stronger and they have no regrets. 

Let us know how you go. Here to support you. 

[livi_mivi]

Hey xxlostxx, 

Thank you for sharing and being vulnerable. I’m sorry to hear that you are in a really difficult and painful situation right now. 

While I can’t relate to what you are experiencing, it sounds as though you are experiencing a tremendous amount of hurt. It also sounds like you are in a situation that is restricting you, your happiness and importantly, your health. I can understand that with children, this further complicates the decision as I can imagine you would also want to do what is best for them. It appears that you have tried as hard as YOU can  to reach a resolution but time and time again, your partner has disrespected you and the promises that you made to each other. 

 Do you feel comfortable sharing your situation with a trusted family member or friend? Or perhaps obtaining a mental health care plan for a psychologist from your GP? It might be helpful to have some support during this difficult time. 

No doubt that this process seems overwhelming and difficult - I really hope that you can get to the other side soon enough. Wishing you strength and support, I’m sure our other community members will have some more great advice on next steps and resources.