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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Chrissy264 Living with an Alcoholic Spouse
  • replies: 2

HiMy husband has always been a drinker, but the past 2 years or more he is really drinking a lot more. Yesterday he came home from work at 4pm and by 6pm he had passed out in the chair, he drunk 1 litre of red wine, 3 cans of beer and numerous shot g... View more

HiMy husband has always been a drinker, but the past 2 years or more he is really drinking a lot more. Yesterday he came home from work at 4pm and by 6pm he had passed out in the chair, he drunk 1 litre of red wine, 3 cans of beer and numerous shot glasses of whiskey. He passes out for around an hour and starts again. He is verbally abusive to me, he knows I suffer from my mental health, plus I care for my elderly Mum who has dementia. But his words are always "you are sick in the head, do us a favour go and live with you Mum" he is so good that he makes it out like I'm the bad person and I think I am . We have been together over 27 years, he has promised on numerous occasions to either cut down or stop he knows he is an alcoholic, our grown up kids have even tried talking to him but nothing, he is never verbally abusive to them, it is just myself.I cry myself to sleep every night, my sleep is really broken, as I'm also listening out as he gets up, mostly sleep walking and falls over, I'm scared that he might hit his head on something.I have no one to talk to about this as I feel really embarrassed that I live this life. I am not strong enough to leave him, plus I have 2 dogs and I couldn't afford to rent anywhere.

bh75 Need advice!
  • replies: 1

So I’m 20yrs old and I’ve just house sat for a couple months elsewhere. (live with my parents). Before I started house sitting my parents mainly my mother and I would constantly argue and it would get quite toxic. It’s started to get to my head. My m... View more

So I’m 20yrs old and I’ve just house sat for a couple months elsewhere. (live with my parents). Before I started house sitting my parents mainly my mother and I would constantly argue and it would get quite toxic. It’s started to get to my head. My mother and I haven’t gotten along for a while. I didn’t contact them a lot while house sitting, so then they came to me and said to not return back home for a month before I go overseas for 5 weeks on a holiday. so I planned on staying with pretty much my second family. Then the next day my mother called me and acted like nothing happened and said that if we sort it out (how we don’t get along) then I can come back. But I don’t want to go back before I go away for my holiday. I don’t get along with my mother due to all the arguments she blames everything on everyone else, especially me. Then I’ll say how she said certain things and she will turn around and said that she didn’t and that I misunderstood. I know that if I tell them I don’t want to come back she will lose it and it’s going to turn into another fight.Any suggestions would be great

Jaco8n Moving on from abusive relationships.
  • replies: 1

Hi there, I wanted to share a story. I was in a toxic relationship from which I escaped last year. My ex-partner would use 'softer' forms of bullying and coercive control to influence my thinking. I was at the end of my rope - actually considering su... View more

Hi there, I wanted to share a story. I was in a toxic relationship from which I escaped last year. My ex-partner would use 'softer' forms of bullying and coercive control to influence my thinking. I was at the end of my rope - actually considering suicide as a means of getting away from her - I quietly packed a bag and ran away one day. I sought treatment at a mental health hospital to regain my bearings, and fast forwarding in time, I have met the love of my life who I believe is the right woman to marry. We've been happily together for 12 months now and I couldn't imagine life without her. But ever since escaping my ex relationship, my ex has been harassing me with legal threats to take my money away from me (she already kept the car and my beloved pet cat). I try to stay resilient and not buy into thoughts of anger and resentment. I have banned all communication (except through lawyers). I still lose sleep at night, and spend hours of my days worrying over what my ex may be plotting or saying about me. I really just want to move on and be happy in my new life, but something keeps dragging me back to the past. I judge myself harshly when I get stuck in this trap; thinking "how can you be in love with someone and still be thinking this much about your ex?", "how pathetic you are.". I want to be free - can anyone relate?

guardedgirl01 Possible "Daddy Issues"
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone,I've never done something like this but I love to quote on quote "trauma dump" sometimes, so, here we go!I have noticed that I have issues with intimacy sometimes, as well as commitment. I will get close to someone who I have feelings for... View more

Hi everyone,I've never done something like this but I love to quote on quote "trauma dump" sometimes, so, here we go!I have noticed that I have issues with intimacy sometimes, as well as commitment. I will get close to someone who I have feelings for, and I know they have feelings for me, but for some reason I can not get closer in regards to having an actual relationship with this person. I shut myself off and ultimately end up hurting them and feeling very guilty about doing so afterwards. I find myself only searching for non-committal relationships in which I can have an emotional attachment to someone without the strings attached to a relationship. This has ultimately caused me to have low self-esteem and values towards myself, I find myself thinking very depressive and anxious thoughts most of the time. I recently got diagnosed with anxiety/depression and have started a daily medication as well as therapy sessions. This has been going well for me so far, and I feel as if I have started to get the help I need. My father cheated on my mother when I was 15 with our neighbour, who was also kind of like an influential mother figure in my life from the time I was born - we had lived in that street for 15 years of my life. He broke up with my mother and still continues to be in a relationship with the neighbour he cheated with. I have had periods of time in which I do not speak to my father because he can say some pretty hurtful things to me sometimes and I can not seem to get over the fact that he cheated on my mum with someone who I trusted as well. I do not speak to the neighbour anymore, even though apparently she wants a relationship with my sister and I - but has never reached out to us or been kind to us in public. I am just starting to think about my relationship with my father and how it could possibly be affecting my life in regards to trusting people I care about and seeking the healthy kinds of relationships I ultimately do want in the end. I am struggling with self-worth and opening myself up to new people, and how to get out of this stage of my life in which I am actively seeking out unhealthy relationships for myself. Thank you for listening to my TED talk, and any advice or messages would be greatly appreciated!

Waffle- Moving out of home for the first(?) time to escape abusive family
  • replies: 2

My living situation at home with my family has always been difficult. After talking to friends and doing some research, I recently discovered that it's more than that. My situation fits the definition of "domestic violence". Due to health problems, I... View more

My living situation at home with my family has always been difficult. After talking to friends and doing some research, I recently discovered that it's more than that. My situation fits the definition of "domestic violence". Due to health problems, I never managed to move out of home by myself, despite how much I wanted to. The only time I managed to move was for work, where my accommodation was arranged for me as part of my job. I recently had to quit my job due to health problems. My family was supportive of me coming back to live with them. While they were kind to me at first, they've already gone back to their own ways.The stress is so bad that in my current state, I can barely get anything done. I need to deal with my health, go out and make new friends, and search for a new job. But with all the abuse, I've come to a complete standstill. I'm researching places to rent so that I can move out of home by myself. I know based on past experience with work that I can live on my own, and thrive in that environment. It's not ideal to move out before having a job lined up. But I'm desperate to get out of my current situation. I have a lot of doubts. I feel like I'm incapable of moving out, even though I successfully lived on my own for years. I don't know if I'm making the right decision, or what people would think of me if they knew I was doing something so drastic. I feel ashamed that I don't have friends to move out with together, since that's far cheaper and what all of my friends did. The abuse from my family feeds into my doubts. I don't know anymore. All I can think is how much easier this would be with friends who know what they're doing. I'm looking for support and advice.

angrylozenger Little revolution for me but also a problem
  • replies: 1

So the problem in my (20F) relationship with my boyfriend (23M) was the fact that he occasionally vapes with friends. I told him how deathlily worried i am about it (twice) and strongly discourage it and said how I felt and one thing was about how it... View more

So the problem in my (20F) relationship with my boyfriend (23M) was the fact that he occasionally vapes with friends. I told him how deathlily worried i am about it (twice) and strongly discourage it and said how I felt and one thing was about how it's on the boarder line of addiction - he took it in and couldn't say confidently that he would stop doing it all together (he has two minds about it) but addressed what addiction actually meant (I've never been through it) because he's been through it with things that are worse. It put in perspective about how frequency and dosage matters. And explained how it can be enjoyed every hour and then rather than it being a requirement for the body. I'm still concerned about short term and long term effects that it can still have on his body though... Revelation was just what addiction means and how this isn't the case for him. But are there any ways I can cope with this? I've been struggling to accept it (the fact he does it occasionally and how worried about his health) for so long and I'm not quite sure how to go about it. Is frequency really key here?

ceb76 Husband of 18 years has left
  • replies: 4

Hi I’m really struggling at the moment aster my husband of 18 years dropped a few bombshells on me about 7 weeks ago. We have gone backwards and forwards for 7 weeks and he has seen a psychologist and has told me he has some major childhood trauma to... View more

Hi I’m really struggling at the moment aster my husband of 18 years dropped a few bombshells on me about 7 weeks ago. We have gone backwards and forwards for 7 weeks and he has seen a psychologist and has told me he has some major childhood trauma to work through. He wants to separate while he does this and has left our house, split our finances and does not want contact from me for a coupleof weeks. He says he is hopeful of working things out but needs some space. I am gutted as at first he told me of a few issues in the marriage I had no idea about and when I pointed out that issues he has were there before we got married he took that on board. But still he has said some horrible things to me and now tells me it isn’t in fact about me… it’s about him and he needs to work out those issues away from me. I feel totally rejected and excised from his life and cannot eat sleep or work. My legs and arms tingle I am obsessing over what he is doing I am worried about my future. I am worried about him.

Soberlicious96 Addicted Step-son
  • replies: 3

Really wish my partner would stand up to his 'kids' (ages 35 and 33) and ask them to NOT smoke dope around us. It's bad enough that they drink so much and even play drinking games at times, but the fact that he is such a people-pleaser with them driv... View more

Really wish my partner would stand up to his 'kids' (ages 35 and 33) and ask them to NOT smoke dope around us. It's bad enough that they drink so much and even play drinking games at times, but the fact that he is such a people-pleaser with them drives me NUTS. We went to Melbourne on the weekend for one of their birthdays and there is always so much booze and dope there. I had already told N that I wasn't going to hang around all night to 'watch' it and I didn't either. I went out to an AA meeting just to get away for a bit. N was fine about that, no problem. BUT ...... N (my partner) is in just as much denial as A-x is. And A-x has all the traits of a full-blown addict. He's not even driving anywhere any more, so A-e told us the other day. She's pregnant and is gonna go into labour or something and will need A-x to step up right when he is wasted and doesn't even know it. Maybe I should get some NA flyers to take down there next time we visit ..... just leave them somewhere in the shed where A-x spends all his time drinking and smoking..... then again, maybe I could look for Nar-Anon (family support) online for myself. Seriously just don't want any part of being around all that active drinking and using. It does my head in. Posting this late at night to try and release some of the tension in my mind. Hoping I'll get some sleep now ..... Anyway, nigh nigh. Thanks for 'listening'. I'll check again sometime soon. I'm okay. Just a bit of an emotional 'hangover' from a difficult weekend. And this crappy constant rain is not helping anyone. Feeling in desperate need of sunshine and warmer weather. Take care out there y'all.Talk again soon. Xo

Brandon2142 Feelings of rejection in a sexless marriage
  • replies: 3

Hello everyone, I live in a mostly sexless marriage, has been this way for a long time now and I'm at the point where I feel unwanted and unattractive, like I'm kept here because it just works out better for everyone else in our family, we have two c... View more

Hello everyone, I live in a mostly sexless marriage, has been this way for a long time now and I'm at the point where I feel unwanted and unattractive, like I'm kept here because it just works out better for everyone else in our family, we have two children together and none to anyone else, I'm almost 30 she's almost 28.For years I would always be the one who initiates intimacy, at the beginning of our relationship it was also her, however now it's only me and I'm always being turned down and this is really hurting me, I have told her I hate that it feels like Im having to basically beg by being the one who has to ask all the time, it's an awful feeling that causes me to feel detached, like I'm just some other guy.It's gotten to the point where I don't want to try anymore, I don't want to be the one who has to carry all these feelings and the confusion, so when going to bed I say goodnight and go to sleep, she has asked if I'm alright and that has hurt me more because that has signified that in our relationship I'm either suffering at the hands of rejection or "theirs something wrong with me"Feels like I'm a matter of convenience in this relationship, while my needs go unattended to, every time I have said something there has been no resolution for my feelings, like I'm not being taken seriously because.

xxlostxx I need advice!
  • replies: 3

I’ve been with my husband for almost 9 years. 5 years ago a long string of cracks started showing. He left myself and our then young child in a hotel room whilst he went and enjoyed private strip shows and maybe a brothel..? I can’t confirm nor deny ... View more

I’ve been with my husband for almost 9 years. 5 years ago a long string of cracks started showing. He left myself and our then young child in a hotel room whilst he went and enjoyed private strip shows and maybe a brothel..? I can’t confirm nor deny this. Though I’ve caught him looking up escort services and he gambles and makes poker deposits behind my back but financially restricts me when I need to go grocery shopping. I’ve recently caught him sex texting and sending his private’s to another girl he met on a chat site. He promised me he wouldn’t do it again even sent me a message whilst he was at work saying that he loves me and that he’s sorry he’s made these mistakes and will not do another and thanking me for not leaving him but then the other day I find another account he created shortly after on an online dating site and I asked him if he had created one and he lied to my face then got very defensive. I didn’t bother showing him the proof of what he’s done because I felt so defeated by this point and just kept it to myself. I think 5 years on of constant broken trust it’s been made clear that I need to leave. Im so sad and so alone. We have two young children and the last thing I want is to break up our family but my mental health is really taking a big hit from this. I honestly thought he was the love of my life, I’ve never deprived him of anything so for him to do such things really confuses me…What would you do..? This is all high level because of the limited characters, I hope I’m making sense.