Hi angrylozenger,
My previous partner used to insist that I answer his phone call on the first ring anytime he called, no matter where I was or what I was doing. If I didn’t, he would immediately assume that I was in a car accident (despite that being highly unlikely) and use that as a reason for why I should essentially drop everything and answer the phone. If I didn’t, he would become increasingly persistent and I k ew I would cop it when I finally did answer. Why do I tell this story, because these type of fears are often not based in reality and have more to do with internalized anxieties and a need for control. But does that mean that I should necessarily play into this and pander to these internal insecurities, no because they are not based in reality and I deserve my freedom. I suggest a similar thing is going on here. For whatever reason, you are fixated on his occasional vape use and are unhappy that he persists despite you saying how deathly worried you are. The reality is that there is no reason to be deathly worried, statistically speaking, people are far more likely to die in a car accident but we all drive. If you don’t agree with it, then you don’t have to vape, that is your personal choice. But I would contend that he has a right to exercise his personal choice too. I think if you continue with this, it will ultimately be detrimental to the relationship and he will just start hiding it and potentially other things from you. Could you perhaps see a counsellor and talk through your feelings and fears, and maybe they can give some insight into why you feel this way? Have you had people close to you who have gotten ill? Do you have other anxieties as well?
