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Moving on from abusive relationships.

Jaco8n
Community Member

Hi there,

 

I wanted to share a story. I was in a toxic relationship from which I escaped last year. My ex-partner would use 'softer' forms of bullying and coercive control to influence my thinking. I was at the end of my rope - actually considering suicide as a means of getting away from her - I quietly packed a bag and ran away one day. I sought treatment at a mental health hospital to regain my bearings, and fast forwarding in time, I have met the love of my life who I believe is the right woman to marry. We've been happily together for 12 months now and I couldn't imagine life without her.

 

But ever since escaping my ex relationship, my ex has been harassing me with legal threats to take my money away from me (she already kept the car and my beloved pet cat). I try to stay resilient and not buy into thoughts of anger and resentment. I have banned all communication (except through lawyers). I still lose sleep at night, and spend hours of my days worrying over what my ex may be plotting or saying about me. I really just want to move on and be happy in my new life, but something keeps dragging me back to the past. I judge myself harshly when I get stuck in this trap; thinking "how can you be in love with someone and still be thinking this much about your ex?", "how pathetic you are.".

 

I want to be free - can anyone relate?

1 Reply 1

JED1980
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi

Firstly, you are not pathetic. This is a trauma response. One im all too familar with sadly.

 

Its really hard when your ex just will not go away, and wants to make your life miserable.

You have done everything right. You've worked on yourself, which can be hard, you sought help.

Now you are in a healthy, functional relationship! Not always easy to have after an abusive relationship.

It sounds to me like your ex is still trying to control you. Why? I couldn't say.

You have done the right thing by going through lawyers.

I guess moving forward will be easier for you once the legal issues are over and she is out of your life for good.

 

Stay strong, stay positive, focus on your new partner, and try not to let this ex get to you.

 

Easier said than done i know.

Always here if you need a chat

 

Jx