Addicted Step-son

[Soberlicious96]

Really wish my partner would stand up to his 'kids' (ages 35 and 33) and ask them to NOT smoke dope around us. It's bad enough that they drink so much and even play drinking games at times, but the fact that he is such a people-pleaser with them drives me NUTS.

We went to Melbourne on the weekend for one of their birthdays and there is always so much booze and dope there. 

I had already told N that I wasn't going to hang around all night to 'watch' it and I didn't either. I went out to an AA meeting just to get away for a bit. N was fine about that, no problem. BUT ...... 

N (my partner) is in just as much denial as A-x is. And A-x has all the traits of a full-blown addict. He's not even driving anywhere any more, so A-e told us the other day. She's pregnant and is gonna go into labour or something and will need A-x to step up right when he is wasted and doesn't even know it. 

Maybe I should get some NA flyers to take down there next time we visit ..... just leave them somewhere in the shed where A-x spends all his time drinking and smoking..... then again, maybe I could look for Nar-Anon (family support) online for myself.

Seriously just don't want any part of being around all that active drinking and using. It does my head in. Posting this late at night to try and release some of the tension in my mind. Hoping I'll get some sleep now ..... 

Anyway, nigh nigh. Thanks for 'listening'. I'll check again sometime soon. I'm okay. Just a bit of an emotional 'hangover' from a difficult weekend. And this crappy constant rain is not helping anyone. Feeling in desperate need of sunshine and warmer weather. 

Take care out there y'all.

Talk again soon. Xo

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Soberlicious96,

I think maybe you just refuse to go to any of these parties and tell your partner the reason why….also set some boundaries that your step sons are not aloud into your home unless they do not drink or use drugs….If possibly sit down with your partner and explain how you feel about what they are doing and how it’s effecting your mental health……They are adults and should respect the boundaries you’ve decided on…

Having a new baby around someone who drinks and uses dope is not a healthy environment for baby……I do hope your step son realises this and starts to be more adult within himself…

Sorry not much help for you….but just wanted to how sorry I am, that you’re going through this…

Thinking of you with kindness and caring thoughts Dear Soberlicious…

Grandy..

[geoff]

Hello Soberlicious96, I am sorry forthe situation you are in and agree with Grandy because when the baby is born the son needs to take some responsibility to help in raising the child and being drunk while smoking weed is not the appropriate part he should be taking.

By not going to any parties, your partner may soon wake up and then discuss this very important issue with his sons.

There is more to life than drinking and smoking weed.

Geoff.

Life Member.

[Soberlicious96]

They have two young sons already: 6 and 4. These two young boys have already seen a lot of drinking and dope smoking ..... even though they may not understand yet what is going on, they soon will. This baby will be their third child. In the years that I have been with my partner, I have seen a steady increase in the amount and frequency of use of both the drink and the drugs. And all the things that A-x is telling his Dad/my partner, is only what he wants to hear, but not what is actually going on. A-x is not violent or abusive as such, and is as dedicated a Dad as he can be and certainly treats his wife with loving care as well, but nonetheless there is still a progression of addiction happening and more and more he seems to want to 'beat the system' ....... the paranoia is EVER increasing. It's his mental health that is slowly but surely getting worse. His mistrust of all social systems and delusional ideas that are getting worse and worse. He sends Tik Tok after Tik Tok about one 'conspiracy' after another to his Dad several times a week or more. He wants to pack up his family and take them to live 'off the grid' somewhere. Isolate them all away from the 'conspiracy' that he 'sees' in the world.
Perhaps for my own sanity, I need to 'tighten' my own boundaries and spend even less time around him, when we go visit. I cannot, at this stage, get my partner to understand that his son is progressing in the illness of addiction, with my words. I need to take more of my own action. My partner is a wonderful person, and his son is too, underneath all this active drug use. I can see that easily when I look beyond the addiction. I just cannot sit around and watch it, like my partner can. Having been clean and sober myself for a long time now - almost 26 years - I can see through the lies that an addict will tell themselves and others and THAT is what I struggle with. The denial. I broke that habit a long long time ago but I see the denial now in them both: father watching on, wanting to believe his son really is 'cutting down' and in the son who keeps saying he is cutting down because he knows that is what N wants to hear .... but that's all it is. Words. The reality is very different.
Anyway, that's my story for now. Take care out there. xox