Scared To Start a family

[CM21]

Hi Everyone, 

I don't know where else to go for advice or support. 

My longer term partner of 9 years is desperate to start a family but he just doesn't understand why I am so scared, I don't know why I am so scared, I don't think he realizes the commitment that is involved for me to carry, birth and raise children. I know how badly he wants children but it absolutely petrifies me. 

we currently live pretty freely we drink and socialize a lot, im scared he is no longer going to love me or find me fun or something... my mind is going crazy at the moment with the pros/cons ifs and buts.  

[Croix]

Dear CM21~

Welcome here to the Forum, it was a good move on your part to see what others might think.

Although the worries you have listed are understandable the main thing has to be the welfare of the child. This is a huge life-changing thing and requires long-term commitment to love, cherish and look after every aspect of the child's upbringing. From sleepless nights, nappies, worry over minor illnesses, though to schooling later on and all sorts of other matters.

I noticed a couple of things in your post. firstly that it is your partner that wants a family, you have not said that you do. The second is you do not sound too sure of your partner's commitment now, while life is good. What will it be like in the middle of the night when you are taking turns comforting a fretful baby wiht work looming for the next day?

You asked for advice, all I can say is that you have to do what you deep down want, and that is to have the baby only if it is your desire and you believe you are capable, not to please a partner.

Croix

[sunnyl20]

Hi CM21,

I am sorry to hear how torn you are feeling, it sounds like your mind is in overdrive.

You're right, starting and having a family is a big commitment and a lot to think about. As Croix mentioned, from what you've described it sounds like you feel unsure but that your partner is very clear and persistent in what he wants. It is so important that you consider how you personally feel and what you want for yourself. This is something that you should be able to choose freely, not be pressured into. 

It may be helpful to talk to someone you trust about what you're experiencing - talking through those pros and cons aloud and hashing them out with another person may help to organise your thoughts a bit and get them out of your system. It may also help to get someone else's perspective. 

In any case, please do not hesitate to chat more on these forums as and when you feel like it - we are here to listen and support you.

Be kind to yourself, and take care.