Relationship going no where

Samantha1 · ‎05-09-2016

I have been in my current relationship 16 years. My husband got injured at work and has been home a couple of years. We have two children school age. He is very selfish and sits on the couch all day looking at his phone. I find it hard to talk to him as he has not only been lazy for years but has spoken to me for a very long time in an abusive way calling me names speaking about my past in a terrible way and at times threatening yet never apologises just gets up the next day and ignores me. I tell him I am upset that he does not help around the house does not communicate no support and never apologises. He says I need to stop dwelling on insignificant crap and get over it. It's like ground hog day every day

white knight · ‎05-09-2016

Hi Samantha welcome

Firstly we only hear one side if the story so its difficult to comment. However, as you work and he doesn't, even when recovering from an injury, there are sine obligations he has to meet.

Google this: Topic:who cares for the carer- beyondblue

In terms of abuse, don't take it. I was an emotionally abused husband for 11 years. I wouldn't tolerate it now. But also review if there is anything at all you can change yourself.

Good luck

Tony WK

Fairywings · ‎05-09-2016

Hi beautiful and welcome I'm Venessa. Sorry to hear you are going thru this but u def don't deserve to be emotionally abused I wouldn't take it at any cost and I would def try to put a stop to it and i think it's also you need to take time out and assess how & what is going on in ur mind for him to think that what ur going through is " insignificant crap and get over it". Everything we are thinking has a reason behind it it's how we learn to manage it is the trick. I am going to give a women's hotline referral service you can give a call to and see how they can help you also even if it's just a friendly chat to if you feel the need to speak with someone over the phone. It's call WIRE you can simple google them for contact details they can provide you with free information, support and referrals if need be. It was nice to meet you please do keep in touch with us but yes I would def not tolerate the emotional abuse any more. Coming from a youth work background and child protection background emotional abuse is one of the hardest to see bc it is invisible yet deadly to the person receiving it on the other end please don't be afraid to reach out for help if you need it's not a sign of weakness it's actually a sign of strength. Please take care Venessa xx

Samantha1 · ‎07-09-2016

Hi Tony,

Thank you for you input, much appreciated. Its easy to say don't put up with abuse, but its not that simple. I always thought that a couple should be able to discuss anything but my husband blows up immediately and starts yelling even when the boys are home and in the room, which is toxic for them, I have actually asked him to leave but he just stays, there are days that go by with no conversation at all, why - he is quite happy to just sit on the couch and read his phone all day and I can't speak to him because I feel so mad and frustrated that he yells at me and never apologises or finish an argument, each time it gets no where.

white knight · ‎07-09-2016

Hi Samantha

Just bare in mind that silence can be a form of abuse.

All relationships depend on communication. As adults we need to hone our skills enough to provide respect.

If there is no hope I suggest a solicitor us the next step.

good luck

Tony WK

kryssie85 · ‎14-09-2016

I used to have the same happen to me, except my ex wasn't injured and would just come home cranky from work and sit on his phone. You definitely do not deserve the emotional and verbal abuse. You deserve a respectful relationship. If he tells you to get over it, have you asked him what his thoughts are if you walk away from it?

Look after yourself first and foremost - you can't fix others, and your children need to see what respectful relationships look like.