will the hurt stop

[hurtingdaddy]

Hi its taking alot for me to write this im not one to open up. The past few years for me have been hell not many nice things have happened. It has affected my relationship to the point where she split up with me 2 years ago but still live together for my childs sake. But the hurt im feeling as things she has done and liedabout i cant forget. I actually have it in my head shes up to no good all the time. She wantsto work thingsout with me but the way i am is unbearable. Im always moody never happy just lay in my bed all day every day smoke more. Plus to add more stress i lost parental responsibility for 2 of my children 3 years ago and only recently after 3 years of no contact at all one of my exs has decided to do mediation. Im nervous and anxious about what it could be. I dont know what to do ive tried meds but give up when i feel nochange after months on them. I dont open up so councilling would be hard. I am just constantly sad depressed and upset. Ive pushed all my friends away and am now pushing my ex away shes told me she doesn't understand depression so cant relate or support me. These feelings are really screwing with my life literally. I cant even sleep properly and when i do im lucky to get 3 hours a night.

Any advice or someone to talk to would be great this is a hugething for me to post on here.

[Doolhof]

Hi HurtingDaddy,

Welcome to the community here at Beyond Blue. One of the great things about this site, it that everyone is anonymous, so you can write what you like and no one will know who you are on this site.

You mentioned that counselling would be difficult for you. I think there are a lot of people here who feel the same way. It can be a very important and beneficial way to understand yourself better and receive help with recovery.

Have you considered using the phone help line on 1300 22 4636 or you could use the Chat Online service where you write similar to you have already, only you receive a reply a lot quicker and can have an email style chat with someone. That may be helpful.

It does sound like you need to get your motivation happening. I know I struggle with that at times too. I have to push myself to do things.

One thing that helps me is to make a list of things I want to achieve in a day or in a week. If I don't manage to get everything done that is okay. At least I have made a start.

Setting a time to get out of bed each day would be a good start. Trying to cut down on your smoking would be beneficial as well.

Try and think of things you can do with your child outside.

For some people medication is required to help get them back on track. It may be helpful to return to your Dr and try again.

There is a lot of information here on this site you can read or request.

It sounds like you may be able to have contact with your other children. Hopefully that is motivation enough for you to try and make changes for the better.

It is tough, I understand that. Take one step at a time, one change at a time. If you feel like you are going backwards, there is also opportunity to move forward again.

Hope some of my rambling helps!

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

[Just Sara]

Welcome Hurting Daddy;

Depression and it's affects can be debilitating. It's not just the lack of motivation and ever present sadness, but how it reflects on relationships and especially decision making. I hear your pain and personally understand what you must be going through. You have quite a load on your plate.

To combat this insidious disorder, strategies to get you through the day, and sometimes each moment, need to be looked into. Worrying about yesterday/tomorrow and the 'why's' will cause more problems than it's worth. Mrs D has given some good tips to give your frustration a voice and receive professional feedback and advice. As well as BBlue helpline, there's Lifeline phone and online chats. There may also be a Men's helpline in your state.

My advice begins with reaching out to your GP. They'll talk with you and assess the situation for medication and psychological support. It takes courage to make this first step. However the rewards for your effort can be life changing. Please motivate yourself to act on your own behalf. You are the main stakeholder in your life; others won't understand if they haven't been through it.

Sleep is absolutely essential to combat fatigue and foggy brain. Medication can bring so much relief to a weary mind and body. Other strategies can be explored later on.

Mindfulness is a tool for reconnecting you with your body and the present moment. Doing things that don't require much thought like gardening or working on the car can be extremely beneficial; just move!

Once you're diagnosed, read and research the subject. Self education can relieve fears about what you're going through.

I think the most important thing to remember, is that courage, perseverance and determination comes from within at times we think life can't get any worse. If you watched your child going through the same thing, wouldn't you bend over backwards to help them? You are no less worthy HD.

We are here to support and listen. Keep writing and sharing.

Warm and kind thoughts...Dizzy