My 26 year old son is planning to marry into a family of felons and fraudsters. I have been a Sole parent to my son - life seemed good for us until he reached 15 years old . He chose friends I didn’t approve and by 17 he was drinking alcohol and using recreational drugs. He has struggled with self esteem and has zero self worth. I lost the ability to communicate or have any control . I appreciate my faults in not setting the firm boundaries partly from guilt that he was a fatherless and only child . He finished high school and amazingly completed a degree- that he has not used . He stated working for a family run restaurant at age 20 -the owner seemed to really care about him and he became the male role model my son never had.my son by this time my son had 2 dui and lost his licence for 4 years . I accept that this man helped my son get off the drugs and at the time showed genuine care. The red flags started about two years in when I could see he was grooming my son to marry his daughter ( 4 years older ) and encouraged him not to leave the business to fledge a career of his own . My son took easy street and stayed with the restaurant . Then the owner was either not paying him (cash flow probs ) and started asking him for money. Three years in I learnt that this man had been in jail a few years before for embezzling $7 mill and had had a hit on him. Not a nice guy - regardless of my reservations my son has stuck by them and our relationship has deteriorated into nothing more than a hotel which he come and goes from occasionally, with little more than a hello and goodbye. They have sucked him dry of any money complete financial abuse I suspect totalling $150 k plus , he spent $20k on an engagement ( he earns $30 an hour) yet they all live a life of fancy dinners and excessive spending. He is now marrying the girl, obscenely massive wedding of which I was expected to pay more than my share- reluctantly I offered $25k . Last week I had a call from my son desperately asking for $35k needed immediately as the father is in debt to his eyeballs ( btw the restaurant has been bombed twice) . I gave the money caveat if not repaid then consider it my wedding contribution and the father owes me $10k. I have not had acknowledgment from the family and have not heard or seen my son since I paid them. I know there will be future requests that I’m not prepared to give. My son will manipulate with likely outcome that it will be my fault if the wedding can’t proceed.
All I want is for my son is to see what I see … I have zero joy about the wedding or his future . . This family has convinced him that I have never been there for him and that’s why he took drugs bla bla . I own that I was emotionally distant at times ( I drank a lot of wine back then but I was never abusive and he had everything on a plate)I worked in a senior position travelled a few times a year which he now says I abandoned him for my job - that same job that provided a home and private education and a nest egg for my retirement . Money that I know the father thinks he is entitled to “ borrow “ from
what do I do next . And how do I manage the fallout and likely estrangement emotionally …
