Back again, still haven't figured everything out

S1lver · ‎01-04-2026

I (19M) posted a while back about getting broken up with, losing myself, and going on to use drugs as my outlet.

Its been about 4-5 months since the relationship ended, in my previous post I talked about breaking no contact and how it affected me more than I thought it would. All the support and love I received on my last post was absolutely amazing, and I thank everyone for their kind words of support.

Unfortunately since I posted, things from my point of view haven't changed much. As I am typing this it will be my first day without marijuana since the breakup, I have also unblocked my ex on all platforms, with no incentive to break no contact in the slightest. I have since been put on 2 forms of sleep medication, yet I have still been struggling.

I am completing university, currently in my second year. For this, I have moved 5 hours away from home, and whilst the university life isn't bad in the slightest, I'm finding it hard to deal with my issues as I feel I don't really have good friends to talk to here like I do back home. I have still been immensely struggling when it comes to the thought of my ex, I haven't broken down or cried or anything, but I have had my fair share of sad days staying in my room for hours on end. I have tried to think logically about this, and have even tried to log what I am feeling but nothing is changing what's going on inside my head. No matter what I do, or how hard I try, I can never get the image of her or the memories I have about her out of my head.

There are still so many things I wish I could have done differently during the relationship as I was by no means the greatest boyfriend, but my mind is still caught on the fact that I was the one blamed for a lot of the problems during the relationship, despite making major sacrifices and dealing with unfair treatment all the time. I just really don't want the relationship in my head anymore, I really want to move on and try and enjoy my life and time at uni, but I am finding it extremely hard and taxing and I'm not sure what to do anymore.

Sophie_M

Hey S1lver,

Welcome back. It sounds like although some time has passed, things are still feeling really tough. Going through a breakup on its own is hard enough, let alone when it is also a time when you're away from home and don't feel like you've got people around you that you can turn to. That truly is a lot to be coping with.

It's also normal and natural to reflect deeply on a relationship that meant a lot to us, especially when it feels like you were unfairly blamed for a lot of the issues in hindsight. Having a space to talk these things out and get them off your chest can help - even writing here counts. As simple as it might sound, writing it all down somewhere only you can see it can be a good way to get those thoughts out, too.

Amongst all this, you're clearly making some big wins, too. Allow yourself to acknowledge these moments - they're worth feeling proud of.

How have the last few weeks been for you? Feel free to jump back in and let us know how you've been travelling.

Take care, S1ilver 💙

Kind regards

Sophie M