Relationship break up , 5 yrs , 59 , feels hopeless.

[randomxx]

Hi to anyone that might drop in , it's rx here l just had to rejoin.

A few might remember my ongoing thread about gf and her situation, us and the rest. Sadly though, we've broken up after all that.

l'm 59 now, just feels hopeless. lt's not that l don't get interest it's just the thought of starting over sometime later on down the track now, again, meeting that right person, it's about that person, not any interest or 2 dozen others, it's that one that feels so hopeless and if even ever at all will probably be yrs away from now, and l'll feel like it even less.

Ya just can't help thinking about it even though it's of course not the time right now for sure, know that.

As in my other thread, we were up and down , she had huge problems when we met, visas' and court cases and mh and health, she was all over the place. That's why l held back with her and us, 5 yrs but l still supported her with all l had right through it all though. All that had finally finished 3yrs in but she was still all over the place, l felt l could never trust it or her true self.

Together she was loving and supportive and affectionate and just a real partner tbh . But we were still long distance again due to her situation and so whenever she was home again or l wasn't up at hers, she'd just change again.

She'd be all negative and her health would go to shit again, talking bad stuff about us, saying she was too sick now to have a relationship, must've went through all that 20 times with her in 5yrs.

Truth was together, she was not only just beautiful mostly , but also fitter than any girl her age l ever knew soon as she was back up home alone though it'd all just start again.

There's no talking or reasoning, even though she use to preach positivity herself, the negativity just pours out all over again, even if we'd just had a beautiful 3 or 4wks together.

Dealing with that 5yrs plus all her earlier dramas , l just couldn't trust anything to do with us, but l hoped in time or once we were together full time, that'd all just go as it was when we were together. But then l'd think how would l know that was real just bc we were together properly at last, if she was going home again she'd just blurt out all the same old stuff.

Anyway, it started again after our last visit, her health her stress , she can't be in a relationship, l've had enough.

ldk, l was divorced 10yrs ago, laid low 5yrs, but she was the only one l'd met that just fitted, but then there was the rest of it. l could see a life with her though if it all sorted out and so l persisted.

l knew it was a gamble though, damn it.

rx

[CMF]

Hey rx 😃

Great to hear from you. The vanning sounds nice, get away from the rw for a while . Probably just what you need.

I'm doing well. New guy is great. Exact opposite of M. The male version of me it's crazy but makes it so easy. We don't consider ourselves gf/bf cos that just creates pressure but as I told him it is a relationship of sorts, just on our terms. He's always wanting to help with stuff & I never stop talking around him. We just understand each other & give each other space without having to explain. We just know. 

Haven't heard from m thank God. Bped into his son not long ago & chatted. I've seen his mum too which was nice.  I read something interesting tonight, forgotten what it's called but along the lines of when you end a relationship with someone you loved you will not see or bump into that person again but it had a specific name & made lots of sense. I realise more & more each day what a jerk he is. Very shallow & and big ego. The Important thing is learnt about myself & can have this great friendship with new guy without all the pressure & expectations & bs that came with M.

I hope you're feeling happier rx. Just be you & do your thing.  Be your own best friend. 

Chat soon 

Cmf x

[randomxx]

Hiya cm , great hear from you too. Been through all our trials and tribs together over the yrs haven't we hey, really nice to hear yours are sorted anyway.

Mine, God ldk. Gf x wise, we'd still been talking all through my trip, not on but not off, ldk. Even plans of her coming a few times, or me dropping in up at hers, think we both still held hope. But ldk, her anxieties and health stuffs always through the roof up home alone and she was as on off ever.

Been awhile now and seens as we haven't really even been together 18mths, l did take a little date site browse . Got plenty of likes and messages but really no one hit the spot tbh so l've never followed anything through. Have met a few women in my travels too but same again no one spesh really . Soooo, yeah, just doin my thing and goin about my business really.

The breaks mostly been beautiful but def a few lows and doubts along the way too . l did go back and over to the new area l'd been thinking about for awhile and it was really nice butttt, the RW still just seems too much bother right now and l wound up taking off and continuing on again for a bit longer.

lt works out better financially anyway as my other place is on the market now so l may as well relax until we see if that sells first and l know where l'm at, hopefulllyyyyy.

New guy eh yeah , nice to hear. Yeah, that's how it goes when the ducks align as they should right, the water clears again, m things were just never lining up as the should were they hey. l often wonder with gf x bc on one hand they really did together the peace sometimes was just surreal but on the other she'd get back home and start spinning again. Prob should've committed sooner- might've fixed it but then l worried sick it might not too soooo, maybe if there is someone else one daay that sort of stuff just isn't there right, like new guy compared to m.

Can't say l get that thing you read, just in that like maybe you do bump into them again, especially in your sitch right, same areas and all- maybe that's not how they mean, dk. How was m's son , mum an stuff when you've seen them ? Get any m feedback ?  Maybe you don't even want any l know but just wondering.

Ex w split with her h a few mths back now, that was a shock. Soooo, we're both single after all this time, how bizarre eh. Yep l've wondered but she's so different now l really couldn't see us reconnecting tbh.l feel really bad for her though, l wanted her to be happy.

Thx for the happy wishes too cm , means a lot and appreciated, same for you too hey. At least your not all m turmoil anymore right and then there's new guy, good for you.

Me, God knows, not sure how l'm feeling about anything right now tbh. But eh, at least on good days and beautiful morngs l find myself singing nick caves " it's a wonderful life " . Must've sung that one 100 times since l left funny huh, sometimes it really is like that doing this butttt, others l'm thinking wth .Go figure.

Take care and enjoy and monster hugs.

rx

[CMF]

Hi rx 

It seems no matter how much you talk & make plans the red flags are always there. I don't think it would have mattered if you'd married earlier as there always seems to be something that crops plus the mood swings. Maybe gf x was in a hurry to marry before you got to see all that?

Seeing Ms mum was nice. We hugged & she told me she missed me. His son was visiting my older daughter at work in a shopping centre. I was shopping & had a feeling he was around.  She told me he was there, & I wanted to avoid Him but I thought NO. Just go in, look surprised,  smile & say hi. So I did.  He gave me a big hug too. We all chatted &  it was ok. I was chuckling later as I knew it would get back to M. I haven't heard anything about him & don't care to. As far as I'm concerned he doesn't exist. 

On the other hand, new guy - whoI'll call S - & I are going out tonight to see my cousin's band. They grew up & went to school together.  S asked if I'd be wearing a pair of earrings I wore a few weeks ago as he liked them. I can't believe he remembered them. He's a genuine, down to earth guy who knows what he has/doesn't have to offer. He doesn't need anyone to boost his ego.

Very different to M.

Big hugs

Cmf

[randomxx]

Yeah see your prob right about gf x and this was always my worry and trust problem. Told her that and that you see now why l couldn't , your still all over the place - what if we did marry are you still like this, she shrugs- l need a bit more confidence in it than a shrug.

Don't think there'd be anyone from past let alone school days l'd reconnect with, shame really. ex w would be the only one if any but she's so different now.

gf x will prob just call again like nothings happened, usually does butttt, not goin there again.

S sounds a lot more normal than m , good for you all his stuff was just silly, not even real.

[randomxx]

Hi there cm if you hopefully drop in.

Need a woman's thoughts on this atm so be great if you do .Actually a woman's on the womans side and a males on the male side of it- me.

2 things.

At anyrate, Godalmighty, l don't believe it but l do, think l said right here she'll prob be calling again soon or doing something.

Well, she called today, l was just hanging about, looked at the id as it rang and said to myself nope, not goin there today. l'd answer we'd talk 3hrs , then maybe she'd call again or again, but one way or other tomorrow or after a few more, l'd get the l can't have a relationship text again.

2hrs later l get a text, read that. An hr later l get a bikini pic,,,,, bloody hell. Don't get me wrong she looks gorgeous in a bikini buttttt, what am l to do, you know?

But that ain't all.

2ndly, awhile back, my exgf from back before gfex, also turned up again on whatsapp- it's been about 3yrs. We have still talked a bit since way back when and gfex knows, but just chit chat bc l was then now with gf ex but it has been about 3yrs now.

Her turning up again after all this time is not just a turning up just to say hello.

butttttt,  she also put in my fav pic from 6-7 yrs ago. This pic has huge significance and meanings to us both, it's not just any old pic of her and she's well aware of that and she specifically used this pic with intent bc she knows very well what it meant to me back when. Matter of fact l'll guarantee, l know how she ticks, she's got ideas !!!!!!

Mind you, if she was still around, our thing was surreal and very very special , l'd def' give it another go. Buttttt she also lived and worked in the US part time and she's back there now, doesn't like it though but stillllll- it'd all still be just bloody complicated.

How could l get bikini pics and phone calls from gfex after being told yet again she can't have a relationship- againnnnn, anddddd ,,,my ex ex ex also popping up at the same time with ideas after all this time.

Godddd all l want is a genuine real and lasting partner/gf and life together. That's all l've wanted right through.

[randomxx]

Not that anyone can really offer much l guess. Gfex will be just doing what she's been doing 2yrs now.

And ex ex gf well, as flattering as it is tbh, she's is such a rare jewel , can't believe she's single tbh l really just can't, but her situation though is still much the same as it was back when anyway and l don't think l could deal with that these days,  back then was hard enough but now,,,, !

God ldk.

lt's like the Gods have been messing with me for 8yrs and yet here l am at this stage in life still no where romantically.

tx

[CMF]

WOW. That is freaky.

I think gfex is a sign that no matter what she not able to commit to a relationship.  It is the same pattern over & over. 

Exgf I think I remember that on & the long distance thing. Interesting that's she's popped up again but again,nota good situation to get involved in again. I think people come back either cos theirs unfinished business or the lesson hasn't been learnt.  The Universe keeps putting you in situations until you learn the lesson. Look at M & I. It was the same story over & over with sis. I finally saw & accepted his true colours after the 6 months wearing each after we'd split. I feel.you haven't learnt the lesson with gfex cos you keep sort of going back or hanging on & exgf is back to show again that it just won't work long term.  I think it's telling/,showing you it needs to be someone local with no drama but until you let go of these other connections you can open yourself up to new ones.

I think you need to free yourself of the past to see what's in the future.

Big hugs 

Cmf

[randomxx]

God you are not wrong, l'm still in shock on both tbh.

Gfex well no surprises except a bikini pic, a very nice one - wasn't expecting that let me tell ya, hasn't came back with that one before .

But gf ex ex l mean honestly, l'd thought that was def done yrs ago especially on her part.

Anywayyyyy, thx for the words cm , very appreciated. But you know, that's sort of where l've been stuck all this time as if so - is the universe saying gfex and l should persist and eventually , maybe when l go back , we'll sort out stuff and be together again- is that why we're still around, you know.

Orrrrrr

ls it like you've said, which has crossed my mind too and more so a situation where it's showing l should be moving on  .

As you said with m stuff, same old same old ,,,,until you finally excepted it right.

Your probably right and that's probably more like what l should be doing.

Gf ex ex, givme strength, l can only handle one bizarro ata time .

[CMF]

I see it as the Universe showing you the same pattern, putting you in the same situation until you realise it ain't working. 

I also read that when you're with the wrong person the Universe will allow them to constantly do thi.gs that hurt you until you realise enough is enough.

I think youre getting very strong signs rx. It you don't clear out the old stuff there's no room for the new.

[randomxx]

Yeah , l could've probably should've said to myself way back when, wayyy back when- rx this is bs and you ain't getting any younger, make up your damn mind,open the doors again.

l'm not a person that can move on until l close that door and free myself. Some just go off meeting new people among it all along the way next minute they're marrying or shacking up with someone else- sometimes l wish l could but l just can't work like that.

Even with what l'm doing now l'd thought never know that someone might just come along in my travels and it wipes the slate clean and l start over. Well l have met some ladies but no one spesh. Even browsed a date site, although all very half heatedly and in 2 minds though.

- maybe l go back she comes down then which she's suggested herself and we get bacck on track, normally , usually, we're great when we're actually together.

l know, that is everywhere butttt, what can l say it's been bloody confusing.

One thing l have made up my mind about though, no more on offs from here. l'm not answering or getting drawn back in right now. When l'm back maybe, she/we get in touch again she comes down then,  who knows , or maybe we've both moved on. But until then no more of this.