Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.


Community Member
Hubby and I have been together 3 years. For the past year getting him to have sex with me is like pulling teeth. He always uses the excuse that he’s significantly older than I therefore he’s tired...... I’m feeling rejected, unwanted and lonely. I’ve tried talking to him about it and he always comes back with “I warned you that I’m an old man when we got together” what do I do? I’ve tried to be understanding, tried to spice things up in the bedroom..... I’m always willing to “satisfy” him with a smile and love...... and I get nothing back. It feels like we are in a one sided relationship....
11 Replies 11

Community Champion
Community Champion

Dear Iwatbianoot~

I guess I have been thinking about the "what's wrong with me" business. I seriously doubt anything is wrong wiht you.

If I look back on my own life I've married twice. The first ended in with the early death of my partner. Later I married again. Getting to know someone and opening up and offering them the rest of your life is a huge risk, quite frightening in some ways. I gravitated to someone similar to before, it allowed me to slip into old ways that I was familiar with.

I have a feeling that even if one's first realtionship has not been good the meeting of someone else might lead you to seek the same sort circumstances and person, not deliberately, but becuse it has the comfort of being practiced in dealing with things.

I'm not explaining it very well. Does it make any sort of sense?

What I'm trying to say is you may have partnered with someone who finds it easy to ignore your care. How you overcome that I'm not sure. Perhaps as a start by convincing him the comfortable life he has been used to is not there any longer. I don't know and am only guessing.

Writing an 'inappropriate' post happens, when emotions are high it can take a bit of practice to find suitable words that convey what you want to say. I think I can probably imagine:)

I'm sure you already know having a baby is a life-changing event and comes with a host of practical difficulties. Money, time, backup, no work, no traveling (or very limited), exhaustion and so on.

Frankly I was almost overwhelmed at the work involved - and my wife did much more than me. (I was officer-in-charge of cloth nappies among other things)

I mention this not because I'm against babies, which are pretty neat, but becuse as things stand you might not get all the help you need -what do you think?

Please say how you are going


Hey Iwatbianoot ,my thoughts are allways be open & honest. You dont have to tell your partner they are fat & lazy , maybe encourage some heath & fitnes,maybe you can do this together, small lifestyle changes can make a huge difference. I personally lost my beer gut & i feel 10 years younger.Plan a date night . make it fun & sexy, Ask him what his fantasies are, role play. dont try & force your partner into being intimate.Take quality over quantity.Dont have a baby until you are in a good place kids are hard on relationships ,