How do I deal with my regret? I reported my father for an assault 4 years ago. Today he was found guilty and sentenced to 12 months but the sentence was suspended pending his health. I haven’t seen him in 4 years but when I saw him in court today he looked like he was knocking on deaths door. He’s an alcoholic and has liver cirrhosis. Without a transplant he will die in 1-3 years. I watched him walking out of court after sentencing and he looked at me and I looked at him and my eyes followed him as he walked away. Every bone in my body wanted to run and hug him because in that moment I no longer saw an abuser. I saw my dad. And now I’m filled with regret that maybe I shouldn’t have reported him. Because he looked so frail and depressed. And I saw the man that 12 year old me cried over when his health failed the first time. I don’t know how to get over this deep feeling of regret. Because all I think about is what could have happened if I didn’t report it. Would the abuse have stopped? Would we have a relationship? And I feel so guilty because everyone around me has dropped their lives to help me through this court case. And they all have such deep hatred for him. But me, the victim, I don’t hate him. And the idea of him dying, likely in a prison cell, is eating away at me. Because he’s still my dad
