Recently separated

[Heartbroken_wife]

After 17 years my husband and I have separated. We have had numerous arguments alot recently where there was physical danger. This was the last straw I swore he would never lay a hand on me again. So I walked out. It was only going to be for a few days to cool down. The day I was planning to return I found out that he had updated his facebook profile to being a bachelor. So being as stubborn as I am I got my own place seeked counseling hoping that a better head space would help. However after 17 years I found out that within weeks he was already seeing someone. This has completely broken me. I have been getting drunk to numb the pain and I feel like an absolute fool I spent days and days crying cant sleep or close my eyes cos all I see is him with another person. My mind races somtimes I accept that its too late and other times I just dont know how to function. Never pictured my life not being married. We have 3 kids I thought that it would be best for them to temporarily have two happy safe houses rather than one unhappy house. Now it seems two houses will be permanent. Devastated and depressed don't know what to do.

[geoff]

Hello Heartbroken wife, thanks for coming to the site.

Any type of physical and/or emotional abuse is not on, but as soon as it starts something has to be done, and moving out was a good option, however, for him to start seeing another person so quickly could be for a couple of reasons,

-he gets instant confidence as well as his self-esteem and makes him feel better

-it's to fill a void that's been left for him and it may only be temporary

-but it doesn't mean he's forgotten you

I agree that two happy houses are better than one unhappy house, but this may not be the answer, because the problem may be is that you are using alcohol which could a concern.

His friendship with another person may only be temporary and not a sincere relationship, but if you could get back to us that would be great.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[Costa_72]

Hi HW,

Very sorry to hear of your separation and the difficulty you are struggling with.

i am in a very similar situation at the moment. My wife wanted to part ways after 23yrs. I am also feeling very lost and suffering from severe grief and melancholy. I have lost my identity and don't know my place in this world at the moment. I love my wife very deeply and this has hit me like a freight train.

Your husband is obviously hurt also so he may have reacted very badly to being rejected. Hopefully in time he may come around and think about the situation and what you both stand to lose.

All couples argue but I do believe that if the love is true then you may find a way back to each other. I hope so for both of you.

It may be best to give some space at the moment to focus on yourselves and once things settle it may open up more dialogue about the future. I'm sure it is devastating to know he has a new partner as I would feel the same as you.

It is very important to look after yourself and your children. They need your support and love also. Try and avoid any alcohol and drugs if you can. I know it can help soothe the pain but can cause you more issues later. Try seeking support through your GP and see a counsellor if you can. Everyone can use a good tune up when required.

Hoping that my reply finds you well, and hope your situation improves. If the time comes when you both are ready to reconcile, please do it for the right reasons so you are not back here in a few years.

Best of luck and blessings to you both and hope to see you happier in future posts. Please keep us up to date so we know you are going ok.

Best wishes, Con.