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Recent separation and struggling

B_bear
Community Member
My wife of over ten years recently left. We always had a rocky relationship and I thought I would handle separation if it happened but I’m not. Currently going through lawyers re property dispute. I’m really struggling to let go, still being in love with her but even more so with the family dynamic we shared with our children. She has been somewhat difficult during this time and recently wrote a letter along with property settlement papers which contained some really hurtful comments. She wants contact and outings together for the children which i would love to do for the kids but it rips me up each time I have to see her. My emotional state is already at rock bottom and seeing her just causes more pain and confusion for me. Just not sure what to do from here. It’s been about five months since she moved out and I just feel like I keep going backwards.
24 Replies 24

Dear Labs4life

I have come back here as I’m unsure if you would like to start a new thread so that B bears thread is left for their needs.

I hear you on all accounts. I’m hear to say I feel exactly the same, I read your words and nods- Yes that’s how I feel.

whilst a I am sitting feeling like a failure, wondering why I couldn’t make her love me - how could she fall out of love with me so so easily etc I’m sure her life is moving on happily.

I want hope for us both. Even beyond my own hurt, I’m sitting here by the water wishing you kindness. And a hand to hold.

We can continue talking on Absence M T H G fonder if you would like.

🌺

Hi - I know how u feel. My ex walked out after 20+yrs no warning. I find out later he moved straight in with someone so guessing gone on for awhile. We have a child and involved them in the whole charade. So disappointing. Feeling very betrayed by him and his family. But I can now see he just constantly feeds lies to himself and everyone around him. Very self centred. Didn’t treat me with the respect I deserved. I’m am trying hard to move on and be a stronger person but some days are a struggle. I know there is light at the end of the tunnel but it’s getting there. I’m not so patient with time. Guess the new partner now has to deal and get used to looking over her shoulder as she will end up like me at some point.

it just saddens me that our child is put through this, but unfortunately it’s all too common. The pressure the ex puts on them is unfair. He needs to man up and own up to his lies and deceit and be a proper role model for his child. Not the childish selfish person he is.

Billyc
Community Member

Hi B bear,

Truly sorry for your grieving.

I found it to be the most difficult thing I’ve ever battled.

Making rational decisions during this time can be extremely hard, I didn’t really need to tell you that, I just want you to know that your not grieving alone.

My father offered me some advice when I went through mine, He said what ever you do moving forward, make it about the children. It was some sound advice and it helped me through.

As for your wife suggesting some time together for the children’s sake,

Thats a hard one. Personally I would have loved that opportunity with my ex but there was too much bitterness, I can only say work out what to do that’s best for you, Yiur mental health and well-being is paramount and in the best intrests of Your children, and you do need to heal from this grieving.

Is their an opportunity for marriage counciling? Not in the sense of trying to reconcile but at least to learn to build some respectable boundaries between you both? To respect one another and both your well-being?

An ideal outcome would be to remain amicable, but you do need to find your way back to a happy place at the same time.

I wish you all the best

Hi Lettuce

I’m sorry you are going through the same thing. It is just heartbreaking as they probably have thought about for so long so they have moved on before they even tell us, so it’s just a big shock and betrayal.

It is so hard to move on. I have had a few bad days but with support from friends (I have no family) I am doing my best to move forward.

Its been so hard for our kids they have needed me to be in the bed and stay until they sleep, and acting out at home.

Im hoping he isn’t lying when I asked him if there were someone else and he said no.

Its going to hurt and break my heart over again when he starts to date someone else.

Stay strong and positive when you can

Hi !abs4life

I wanted to say hello and check in on you again. I hope you are managing ok, your kids too.

I am glad you have had friends to help you get through this, that is at least one thing.

so lucky you have beautiful dogs and beautiful children to inspire you each day.

like you I hope that my ex didn’t lie to me when she said there was no one else, I know she has a string of me interested and it’s beyond my control- I will be so heartbroken when or if she has found someone else.

i have the option of staying in her life as her closest friend and there is my broken heart that is inlove with her and can’t stand to be away from her....you situation I believe is your children that keep you in contact with him.

i keep waiting to wake up for this nightmare. I do wake up each morning, only to find it’s real and nothing has changed.

Im sending you warm wishes. So glad you have friends who support you

🌺