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Recent separation and struggling

B_bear
Community Member
My wife of over ten years recently left. We always had a rocky relationship and I thought I would handle separation if it happened but I’m not. Currently going through lawyers re property dispute. I’m really struggling to let go, still being in love with her but even more so with the family dynamic we shared with our children. She has been somewhat difficult during this time and recently wrote a letter along with property settlement papers which contained some really hurtful comments. She wants contact and outings together for the children which i would love to do for the kids but it rips me up each time I have to see her. My emotional state is already at rock bottom and seeing her just causes more pain and confusion for me. Just not sure what to do from here. It’s been about five months since she moved out and I just feel like I keep going backwards.
24 Replies 24

Labs4life
Community Member

Hi B Bear

im so sorry you are going through this. My husband of 12 years left today after many fights of him not wanting to be home he was finally honest and said he doesn’t love me. It broke heart. I still love him I did everything to make it work. And the worse part is I have no family support he was suppose to be my support.

B_bear
Community Member
I feel for you too Labs4life and I’m sorry you are going through the same thing. Unfortunately it seems all to common. This is the hardest thing I’ve been through and I thought my resilience was towards the top of the game.My first week was certainly my lowest, so take care of yourself. Unfortunately it’s just been such a slow grind for me trying to overcome this. Hoping you will bounce back quicker. Thanks for the reply 👍

Labs4life
Community Member

Thanks B bear. I haven’t been able to stop crying. I just want him to come back but I know he won’t. He was my first serious boyfriend turned husband. I left my family, I thought we would be together forever and we could get pass this. I don’t get how they can say I fell out of love maybe coz you didn’t try enough.

I hope I’ll be ok but right now I’m not.

B_bear
Community Member
Labs4life have you got any friends you can lean on in the absence of family? If not then there are a number of services around if you advice or just a vent. Even a gp would be happy to lend and ear and might offer some good services. It’s the one thing I found has kept me from completely falling off the rails so far, talking it over.

Camellias
Community Member

Dear B bear

Im so sorry your going through this, I truly can’t imagine how hard it is for you.

I myself am thankful there is places like here where we can reach out to one another and support each other in some way.

I think it’s really hard when children are involved too, I don’t have children of my own but I do love two like they are mine. Even though I am not their biological father.

Do you have friends or family to support you, visit you and spend time with you during this difficult time? The visitations must be hard going for you. Do you have someone to support you or to bring along when you see on the organised dates with her?

Do you have any hobbies or fun things to keep yourself busy?

You have made it through 5 months so far, that’s a huge achievement.

Kind thoughts

🌺

Labs4life
Community Member

Thankfully I reached out to a friend and she has been around for me to vent and to take my mind off things. I’m not looking forward for tomorrow as I pick up my kids from their dad.

Dear Labs4life

Nice to meet you. It must be so hard to endure what you are facing.

I’m very glad you have at least one friend you can vent too, that must make a small difference in your difficult situation.

I’m no expert but I have been supporting a lady with her visitation/hand overs for a awhile now, it’s not easy. I feel for the children involved as well as the genuine parent trying to be amicable. The situation I have been trying to be supportive in, has been dealing with a narc father who refuses to be amicable after years of separation. Using the kids to constantly berate her, even in front of the kids he shows no mercy.

Im unsure if it’s amicable for you, but I hope it is for your emotional well being and for the children’s too.

I wish you strength and hope that things become better.

On a positive note, does your username signal a passion for Labradors? I love dogs so I was just curious.

🌺

Yes it’s amicable as it can be. He doesn’t love and I’m over being treated like no one. I’m so angry and I’m trying so hard for it to not spread into it not being amicable.

Yes I love dogs and I have two Labradors, which they give me lots of love.

Dear Labs4life,

Happy to hear its amicable and well done on the strength that you carry yourself through this ordeal. Remaining calm is hard when you have such strong feelings beneath the surface. Your doing the right thing by staying calm and being positive for the children. It also shows your willingness to facilitate for the sake of the children. It can’t be easy but your doing it.

Just do your best, it’s all you can do.

So thrilled you have two Labs to give you endless amounts of TLC that you deserve. Animals make for the best companions, they never judge us and love us unconditionally. I miss my dogs deeply. I love that we don’t have to speak & they understand still.

You are someone and you matter. Always remember that

🌺