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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Guest_7072 I feel like a burden on my adoptive family who don't understand my depression
  • replies: 3

I've been living with my adoptive/ foster family for 3 years. I have a relatively good life and home environment with my own room, my instruments and freedom to express myself. But I've been struggling with depression and anxiety for many years, even... View more

I've been living with my adoptive/ foster family for 3 years. I have a relatively good life and home environment with my own room, my instruments and freedom to express myself. But I've been struggling with depression and anxiety for many years, even before i started living here, and it hasn't gotten better. I used to live with my biological family, quite a dysfunctional one might i add. My dad is a religious control freak and my mum is bipolar. I have two young sisters who live with my biological dad and an older sister who lives by herself. A while after my parents divorced, i ended up here. Alot of my depression stems from guilt for leaving my sisters behind, being unable to maintain a relationship with my biological family (im currently not talking to either which means i cant have a relationship with my sisters too) and just a general feeling that i make way too many mistakes that not only affect me, but affect other people. I hurt alot of people and i hate myself for it. According to my guardian, there's no reason for me to be depressed. i have everything and she's right to a degree. i often think of myself as selfish and stupid and ungrateful for even being depressed. She doesn't understand me at all and seems to be emotionally disconnected towards everyone except for her own 2 biological kids. She says things like "oh but youre not depressed when you're with your friends or you're at a concert are you?" when those things are merely distractions. Whenever we argue, it becomes heated with me crying and screaming and her telling me that i need to go back and live with my mum or i should leave if I'm not happy here. Sometimes after an argument she'll tell me that i need to call up my mum and tell her that im moving back. Our arguments lead to her fighting with her husband who she has underlying issues with because he doesn't do enough to help her. once she almost filed for divorce and today when we got into a full blown argument she shouted that she almost divorced her husband because of me. Unfortunately, I'm beginning to believe it. I feel like such a burden, and many things she's said leads me to believe that she doesn't want me here. It's like she just tolerates me. I can't live with my parents because they'll treat me badly. my big sister and i can't be in the same house for more than 2 days without fighting. I'm in the middle of HSC, and i don't know what to do or where i should go. It's like walking on eggshells no matter where i am.

mummaoftwogirls My world is spinning out of control
  • replies: 20

Hi I’m 45 and a Mum of 2 girls... 5.5 & 8. My depression has got so bad and I’m currently in the middle of changing medications. my husband and I fight all the time and infront of the kids! My girls are scared of me because of things I say and do! I ... View more

Hi I’m 45 and a Mum of 2 girls... 5.5 & 8. My depression has got so bad and I’m currently in the middle of changing medications. my husband and I fight all the time and infront of the kids! My girls are scared of me because of things I say and do! I love them so much it breaks my heart to see what I’m doing to them. This morning my husband said to have a sleep in as I’m really unwell and the medication detox is giving me brain zaps and vertigo. It wa as nightmare. He refused to get up and the time I do and the girls spent the whole morning being yelled at. I was so angry he asked me something and didn’t like the answer I have gave so he called me a dickhead. I burst a fuse and punched the wall and put my fist through it. My youngest was crying saying she’s scared and this made me even more angry... I just can’t cope anymore. I have no feelings towards my husband at all to the point I can’t look at him. i feel like I’ve ruined my kids lives and I don’t deserve them at all. They are such sweet, gentle girls and I feel I’ve now given them a lifetime of issues because of mine. I want to just run away as I can’t be here anymore. I can’t live without my husband but I can’t live with him. Mum sad and depressed all the time and wish I didn’t exist. i know I need help but I feel like I’m puncihung myself and deserve punishment by my kids hating me. I don’t deserve their love or them. l feel it’s just all too late and what’s done is done and this is my life now... im scared and feel so alone !!

Alton Just need to let it out
  • replies: 2

Hi, Not sure I'm after advice here or just need to get it out. My sister has BPD (diagnosed) and is an alcoholic. She has been living with my Mum for the last 9 yrs after her marriage ended. 3 kids who are now late teens/early 20s. My sister has been... View more

Hi, Not sure I'm after advice here or just need to get it out. My sister has BPD (diagnosed) and is an alcoholic. She has been living with my Mum for the last 9 yrs after her marriage ended. 3 kids who are now late teens/early 20s. My sister has been a mess over the yrs, terrible behaviour, drinking, abuse, etc. I could go on and on. Unfortunately her kids have witnessed a lot of her awful behaviour and now they are older and over 18, no longer have anything to do with her. I have been telling my Mum for years she needs to set boundaries for my.sister. the professionals have told my Mum to kick my sister out. Mum has never done this, actually quite the opposite. My sister has drained my Mum especially financially. Sister doesn't work, never pays her bills and when companies threaten to send in debt collectors, sister runs to mum, gives a big sob story and mum always pays her debts. mum has never set boundaries and let's my sister do what she wants. There have been many times that my sister will take off her clothes and spends the day nude. Sister once had two guys over and they were filming themselves (if you know what I mean) in my mum's lounge room. Mum came home but they wouldn't stop. It's just crazy behaviour like this and mum does nothing. I don't know why my Mum puts up with all this. i live 10 min from Mum and haven't been to her house in 5yrs because of my sister being there. My kids never go to grandma' house. I wouldn' let them go there when she is there...never. i have lost all respect for my Mum and really have very little time for her. She comes to my house for grandkids but I tolerate it for my kids sake. I've told my Mum she will grow to a be an old lonely lady with my sister still living at home causing chaos as she does. But mum still stands by my sister. i really feel my Mum.has created a monster here. She could have set boundaries many yrs ago but she never did. unfortunately it will become my problem if my Mum dies. My sister will most likely not let us in the house. She already sells my mum's stuff/artwork to get money...again mum does nothing! So no doubt will cause chaos at this time for me my Mum gets upset and angry that my nieces and nephews no longer go to my mum's house but I say...do you blame them. Unfortunately they see my mum's house that holds bad childhood memories with what they have witnessed. I don't blame them. sorry I could go on forever.... thanks for reading/listening

Xavius Outcast or nah?
  • replies: 3

Since my latest bout of depression and anxiety, I've had a tough time in my mind trying to handle friendships and family relationships. Everything just feels so superficial and I feel as if I'm a burden on everyone I meet. While I was still employed,... View more

Since my latest bout of depression and anxiety, I've had a tough time in my mind trying to handle friendships and family relationships. Everything just feels so superficial and I feel as if I'm a burden on everyone I meet. While I was still employed, I met a few guys which I got along with but the contact has ceased because of the social anxiety and panic I feel. I tried making contact with one person and we share a few texts every couple weeks. But I struggle to find the words while texting him and adds to the feeling of not having a true friendship. I feel the same way with my mother. I love her to bits but I can never hold a conversation with her. She may say something about someone else, but in my mind it feels as if the negative things she says are directed at me and my mind hits a total blank. She does ask how my mood is and she is very supportive of my condition, but I always tell her I'm fine or I'll be alright. While deep down I'm hoping something happens to me. I've never been close to any of my brothers, sisters, nieces or nephews. I feel like the outcast of the family and I'm honestly not sure how much longer I can deflect this hopeless feeling. Peace & love

PapaTez I feel my depression and anxiety overwhelms my own decision making
  • replies: 2

I used have an ice addiction before I became clean since then I've kept to myself and always feel like I want to be left alone even from my own children. Recently I felt emotionally upset when one of my youngest daughters who's 7 yrs old wanted to pl... View more

I used have an ice addiction before I became clean since then I've kept to myself and always feel like I want to be left alone even from my own children. Recently I felt emotionally upset when one of my youngest daughters who's 7 yrs old wanted to play I froze at that moment like if I didn't wanted to do anything, even when she started passing her dolls to me as if she tried to get my attention at that time to participate I have always played dolls and princess's with my baby girls even when my older girls were little I was always wanted involved. At that time when I felt I froze I started getting flashbacks about my own childhood I never had my parents around as my biological parents were and still are drug addicts to this day the things that I've endured I was neglected mainly from my mum, violently abuse especially from my biological father my older brother suffered the same as I was growing up I was what nearly all people call a loose cannon, feral, rebellious or delinquent I used to always get into trouble in school and with police and ending up juvenile institutions and detention, I remember I punch another kid in the face in school because he teased because I refused to make a mothers day card which the whole class was tasked with I remember he said "haha you got no mummy" and threw a rubber/eraser at me which some other kids started laughing at me so I retaliated and I got suspended when I went back 2 weeks later I found out the other kid never got detention as I found out through some classmates, because throwing things at other students in class was automatic detention I think of it now that's how my feelings towards authority while growing up began I don't know if that's how you put it but I started becoming belligerent at that time as years went by I went to drugs I fell in love and having children of my own with different partners which I don't want to go into details but I struggles to maintain my own relationships and I wanted and I needed to give my kids the unconditional love but I feel like my past I one of the reasons that makes me hesitate and don't wanna do anything I take antidepressants medication but sometimes I don't take them I feel like I sometimes want to lock myself up in a room or isolate myself from everyone but I have tried to fight it sometimes I break down and been thinking about making it up to my kids for the lost time I have been practicing in my head of what I'm going to do next time my kids want to spend time with me.

Matt1991 Don't know what to do with my life anymore
  • replies: 1

I hate to say this clearly because it affecting me really badly. I doubt anyone who have understanding perspective for a guy with Autism and hearing loss experiencing desolation, rejection and discrimination everyday in friendships and relationships ... View more

I hate to say this clearly because it affecting me really badly. I doubt anyone who have understanding perspective for a guy with Autism and hearing loss experiencing desolation, rejection and discrimination everyday in friendships and relationships environment. I am 27 years old virgin and I feel getting lost as I age more. All of my friends including wider networks have done their deeds as well many other sexual and relationship experiences. It makes me feel lost and disconnected as I struggle to get one women attention towards me. I am fairly active human being in community environment, business networks, sporting and fitness areas. I attend fitness bootcamp three times a week, running club Saturdays, attend several different Meetup.com events, running my own Landcare group, and even starting up a social enterprise business! I am very well academic person done Masters and research international trips. I have lot of achievements in my life such as scholarships, awards, keynote speakings and conference presentations. I have medals and trophies from sporting and community achievements. While this sounds like I don't focus on sex and love life since doing all the personal achievements and career. To be honest it bloody hard to be male autistic with hearing loss living in this normalised society. It so frustrating for me trying my best to connect and communicate with women but life after university it get harder and harder. Less friends come around and less available women. Despite being around with plenty of females in my community engagement, sports, attending events and everything. It have been for VERY LONG time. I don't go desperately ask someone out on date like out of a blue. I tried to make friends but what it make it so difficult is that I cant be normal like everyone else where they don't try to communicate with me. I am starting to hate this life of no fun. It makes me fear of missing out as I get older and older. It makes me turn off by women in their late 20s and into 30s who have done all the deed, experiences, skinny dipping and bit of everything while I have zero experience. It makes me feel out of touch and imbalanced. Im lost.

Callumm Estranged
  • replies: 1

Hey there everyone, so i havent seen or spoken to family in 7 years because of childhood abuse. Im now feeling lonley as im single, and making friends is hard for me, does anyone have suggestions that i could do to me stop feeling alone??

Hey there everyone, so i havent seen or spoken to family in 7 years because of childhood abuse. Im now feeling lonley as im single, and making friends is hard for me, does anyone have suggestions that i could do to me stop feeling alone??

Jadams57 Is it possible for him to change the way he reacts to situations?
  • replies: 4

My ex and I have broken up and gotten back together a few times and now we have been apart for about 3 months. I guess i realised recently that all of our problems were caused because of his depression and my misconceptions about how to help/what my ... View more

My ex and I have broken up and gotten back together a few times and now we have been apart for about 3 months. I guess i realised recently that all of our problems were caused because of his depression and my misconceptions about how to help/what my role should be as a significant other. Two of the three times we have broken up its because something got kind of blown out of proportion and he made a really bad decision. The most recent one being that I was speaking to him about something he had done that had upset me and he basically just spiraled and said that he thought we should break up because he felt like we were never going to get past a thing that had occurred in the past. I guess my major question is do you think people with depression can change the way they react to situations? I want to get back together with him but the way he reacts to issues within the relationship just leaves me feeling like he doesn't care about me and like I am nothing to him. He later regretted the decision he had made, but he had also never thought of breaking up with me before that moment and the way he just flipped and suddenly thought we should break up just made me feel so worthless. If he was able to handle situations better then I think it might be possible for us to try again. I don't know what to do. I want to be with him because the only thing I feel that is holding us apart is his depression but I also can't walk into something that is going to leave me feeling like that again.

Franklin88 Anxiety, baby and relationship breakdown
  • replies: 1

Hi there I am a long time sufferer of Generalised Anxiety and Depression. A year ago I started a relationship with a Canadian woman living in Australia on a student visa. We had some issues mostly relating to my anxiety and problems with alcohol but ... View more

Hi there I am a long time sufferer of Generalised Anxiety and Depression. A year ago I started a relationship with a Canadian woman living in Australia on a student visa. We had some issues mostly relating to my anxiety and problems with alcohol but we forged a strong and loving relationship. In January of this year we found out she was pregnant and we decided to keep the baby and either live in Australia together or Canada. This unknown caused me significant anxiety thinking she could return home whenever she chose with our unborn child and I would have few rights to see it. In time my constant worries pushed her away and she returned to Canada to finish her pregnancy and have the baby there allowing me time to work on my demons. The plan always was to sort things out and become a family. She has now been gone nearly a month and it has been very up and down. One minute she wants the world with me and then the next nothing. I gave her passwords to my social media accounts to ease the anxiety she had about what I was doing in her absence and a few nights ago she saw 2 girls appear in instagram that I had one night stands with in the past. I had looked them up for a reason relating to my anxiety and one of them potentially being pregnant but she is certain that I am cheating! I never have cheated and I never will. She has blocked me off all forms of social media, has told her family I cheated, will change her mobile number and said I will never see the child. I am innocent of what she is claiming but nothing I say can change her mind. She has done things like this previously and has calmed down later but this time feels different. This is putting my anxiety through the roof and I dont know what to do! Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated! Franklin

AllAlone81 we love each other, but I miserable in our marriag,
  • replies: 1

My husband has so much stress in his life... money, work issues, my unbearable mother who also causes me stress, and one of our children has special needs which does causes us stress; from worry and testing our limits with difficult behaviour etc. I ... View more

My husband has so much stress in his life... money, work issues, my unbearable mother who also causes me stress, and one of our children has special needs which does causes us stress; from worry and testing our limits with difficult behaviour etc. I deal with stress by talking it out, doing things for me but my husband, he bottles it in. He then explodes, treats me like crap, yells, swears (even at the kids), gets angry very quickly and often over unrealistic situations. Example gets angry over our 3 yo spilling food on floor... she is 3 and doesn't need to be yelled at, mistakes happen, but he is so quick to yell over everything. It is to the point that I've told him about his anger and how it is causing stress in myself and the kids. He says he will get help, but nothing happens. I'm miserable in my marriage. I love him but i feel so alone, scared, and helpless. I don't know how to help him and all I want to do is have the man I love back. I want my kids to not be in this situation, my son with special needs, needs patience and support and he must feel he is treading on egg shells around his dad. His life is difficult already and he is only 10. My 3 yo is showing emotional stress and has started to show sign through wetting her knickers etc. I dont believe it is due to a physical problem (muscle issue like pelvic floor etc) but im looking into it just in case. My confidence and self esteem is so shot at the moment, I'm even being paranoid that he doesn't love me. Yesterday was a first when he belittled me in front of a work mate of his. He humiliated me. I left crying and he hasn't apologised and probably won't. he never does when he hurts me. This issues at work makes him so passionate and obsessed about the going on with the stress and drama ( which is often discussed via FB,. He is continually on FB. Everytime I turn around, he is on his phone. Even at family times or even when he gets home from work and stays in his car, FBing before he gets inside. I say to him to drop FB and move away from work drama so he can focus on family and his anger issues, but he just cant help it, he is obsessed even though he agrees and sees it as an issue. Where do I go from here, what do I do? I'm also a mum of a young baby and so I'm feeling strung out and feel so alone.