Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

CJs_mum Families
  • replies: 3

Hi was wondering if anyone else has had this or something similar happen to them and how they may approach it. I've had anxiety pretty much all my life, mostly due to my dads behaviour after coming home from the Vietnam war. He was controlling, diffi... View more

Hi was wondering if anyone else has had this or something similar happen to them and how they may approach it. I've had anxiety pretty much all my life, mostly due to my dads behaviour after coming home from the Vietnam war. He was controlling, difficult and angry when I was growing up. That said, he's recently been getting help through the awesome ppl at VVCS and is starting to say I'm now "just old enough to start thinking for myself" (I'm 35 this year, sad, I know.) I've been getting help from VVCS too and it's been great. Now, though, my parents -whom I'm living with- are starting to try to take over everything again. Theyll push me off a chair I'm sitting on while eating breakfast (that I bought and made) and tell me that I'm "so useless, I can't sit there." Theyll tell me my cooking is so appalling they can't bare to touch it, and will go and make a disgusting, watery broth or something and make me eat that instead. But then accuse me of not doing anything around the house. theyll make a huge mess in the kitchen, yell at me to clean it up but prevent me from doing so. If I dare say I have plans for the day...omg, the guilt trips come flooding in and the "you haven't done enough housework" and "you're not good enough at..." 's do too. the horrible thing is, it's all too easy to play victim and say "they're right, I'm not good enough" even if I try as hard as possible to achieve something. Its come to a point this week where because of all the nagging and put downs, I'm moving slower than ever, I'm making stupid mistakes, in doing and saying dumb things and getting lost/flustered so easily, this proving them right. the harder I try the more I fail and the cycle continues... how does anyone stop the cycle or prevent it? thanks

c_1698 I don’t want my partner to join the navy
  • replies: 1

Hey so, my partner is in his last few weeks of recruit school for the navy. I’ve really struggled while he’s been gone and my anxiety has become so overwhelming. I hate the instability of it all and not knowing where we’ll be posted and if he’ll be d... View more

Hey so, my partner is in his last few weeks of recruit school for the navy. I’ve really struggled while he’s been gone and my anxiety has become so overwhelming. I hate the instability of it all and not knowing where we’ll be posted and if he’ll be deployed etc. I’ve had to start taking anti depressants just so I’m not so miserable all the time. I’ve come to the conclusion that this lifestyle is not for me, but I love my partner so much and I do see a future with him. I expressed my concerns to my partner and he said he would rather leave than to lose me but I would feel a tremendous amount of guilt if he did that. He said he has other career choices that would be better for us but im scared his family will resent me for being the reason that he leaves. I know it’s his decision but it would be based off my feelings and I don’t know if that’s fair on him. He signs his contracts next week so we have to come to a decision. I love him more than anything and I just want an outcome that’s going to make us both happy. But I don’t know what that outcome is

LoveFlowers Toxic Girl Causing So Much Pain
  • replies: 7

Hi, Two friends of mine had been in my life for over 10 years, before a horrible girl was introduced to them through my friend’s partner. Straight away I could see the toxic signs of this girl, she was vein, gossipy, Instagram/Snapchat obsessed and h... View more

Hi, Two friends of mine had been in my life for over 10 years, before a horrible girl was introduced to them through my friend’s partner. Straight away I could see the toxic signs of this girl, she was vein, gossipy, Instagram/Snapchat obsessed and had a chaotic drama filled life. My other two friends could not see this side to her and regularly began to hang out with her more and more. Eventually she became the queen bee of the group and everyone felt intimidated by her because she was a control freak, although had come from a wealthy family and was able to afford beautiful designer clothing and to do whatever she wanted. She is also a size 6 in clothing and loved to flaunt her body in revealing clothing whenever our group of friends went out together. Although I’m not a shy person, I didn’t feel comfortable flaunting my body around and wearing revealing clothing to try and get attention. I wanted to keep my friends I had known for years by not expressing my dislike for this girl to them, however one day I couldn’t help myself and completely lost it. The toxic girl was trying to plan a surprise party for one of my other friends, and she was being a control freak about the whole thing. She wouldn’t listen to anyone else’s ideas and kept insisting that the party was planned her way. I finally vented my frustrations to her by telling her that I felt disrespected by her and that if we were going to get along, she needed to realise that I have had a friendship with my friend for over 10 years and know her very well, therefore my ideas for the party needed to be respected. The toxic girl went ballistic and caused an unnecessary drama between myself and my other two friends of over 10 years. To my surprise, my other two friends took the toxic girl’s side and gradually became more and more distant from me. I didn’t chase my friends, I let them go as I figured if they couldn’t see through her toxic behaviour then they weren’t worth fighting for. It’s been 2 years since that time and I have felt so much pain and loneliness from losing my friends to that horrible girl. I have watched the toxic girl be apart of my friend’s wedding which I wasn’t even invited to, and have been completely excluded from their social activities. Does anyone else here have a similar experience with toxic friends who can share their story? I feel so lonely at times and don’t know if there are other people who can relate to my experience. LoveFlowers

DazedforDays Simply put, I don't know who I am anymore...
  • replies: 6

Hello, firstly this forum is a great way to realise it's not only you. sometimes I get so caught up in myself, it's utterly ridiculous.. I annoy myself ! I moved to Australia 7 Years ago on the search for what made me tick, what made me happy... When... View more

Hello, firstly this forum is a great way to realise it's not only you. sometimes I get so caught up in myself, it's utterly ridiculous.. I annoy myself ! I moved to Australia 7 Years ago on the search for what made me tick, what made me happy... When I arrived I was told (from a Pap smear I had at home) , that I would need surgery... During this time I met a guy, very outgoing, confident, good job, funny, we clicked and he helped me through that scary time, I felt scared and vulnerable in a new country on my own dealing with such a big thing. We stayed together, it was great, he took me everywhere, showed me this country top to bottom! Fast forward a few years, we are married (pushed forward for Visa reasons) , we barely talk, we have seperate lives, I have changed he hasn't, not that that's a bad thing, but I feel we are so different! he has helped me so much with my anxiety, but I also feel he may be fuel to it also! We handle situations VERY differently, we talk to people very differently, neither of us have clear goals of what we even want. I feel very lost, I have bad social anxiety which after counselling realised it usually flared up because of him as he is very loud and crash.. Rude jokes, bad mannors etc. this sent me into overdrive worrying about what people thought of us. Now we rarely socialise together as I can't deal.. I go quiet and introverted. Lately I have been questioning our relationship a lot, also wether I want to live here or move home. I am totally lost, I don't want to blame the relationship as it was so good before. I need guidance on what to do. I feel like I have lost myself and my personality. I am a total nark to him, always whinging! That just isn't me! I hate it! I can't tell if it's me or the relationship. I don't know what to do to find myself again, to have a clear head and focus. I do yoga and exercise every day to keep my anxiety as level as possible. Gahhhhhh!!!! Sorry for the long read.

mermaidheart Trying to help him
  • replies: 17

Hi everyone. My Partner and I have been together 3 years now, he has suffered from mild depression/anxiety for around 6 years now and is medicated. I dont know how to describe it but lately he has become extremely self centered. He if off in his own ... View more

Hi everyone. My Partner and I have been together 3 years now, he has suffered from mild depression/anxiety for around 6 years now and is medicated. I dont know how to describe it but lately he has become extremely self centered. He if off in his own world so often than any outside influences just aren't considered. He's not coping in social/crowd situations and becomes overwhelmed and frustrated quite quickly. His memory is becoming worse, and lately he has been getting his left and rights mixed up. He'll also be so incredibly adament that an incident took place, relaying the story, explaining it in great detail etc and it turns out to be a completely false thing. He says he needs help, that he doesn't feel like himself but refuses to do anything about it. He asks me to help and support him but never follows through with anything. I once scored him an appointment with a specialist mental health clinic that usually has a long wait list. There had been a last minute cancellation, he got incredibly angry and defensive and I ended up cancelling the appointment. I just don't know what to do anymore, I feel like I keep sacrificing, I keep giving and giving while being hurt by Continuing patterns of behavior. I'm almost Broken

Unsure_ Struggling
  • replies: 3

I’ve thought about joining this forum for a long time but then the thoughts in my head “you’ll be right” or “just suck it up” got the better of me. For the past 5 years I’ve been in an emotionally abusive relationship (I’m definitely one of those peo... View more

I’ve thought about joining this forum for a long time but then the thoughts in my head “you’ll be right” or “just suck it up” got the better of me. For the past 5 years I’ve been in an emotionally abusive relationship (I’m definitely one of those people that have recognised all the warning signs but chosen to remain confident that things would change but they haven’t) a month ago I was able to gain the courage (from the way I saw how my relationship was effecting my children) to tell my partner I couldn’t do this anymore, of course it didn’t go down well but the living separation has happened and I feel like I can slightly breathe again for the very first time in a long time... it has all taken it’s toll though for the past 5 years I’ve been severely isolated from family and I have no close friends anymore as they’ve all been pushed away, the confidence I used to have is non existent and I don’t even feel as though I can have conversations with people anymore, I’m extremely anxious, I can’t concentrate and I’m very forgetful... sometimes I seriously feel like I’m going crazy.. I cry a lot and could seriously just lay in bed all day if I had the chance... I’m capable of putting on a good front so I can work, I work extremely hard but never feel as though enough is enough...and I’m my own worst critic. I have 2 children and I feel as though my mind is so distant that when they talk to me I can’t remember what they’ve told me...I’m really struggling with life at the moment, I feel as though in the past five years my soul has just been destroyed and I don’t even know myself anymore. I don’t even recognise me, I feel no enjoyment in anything, it’s hard...I’m now 33 and I feel so ashamed for letting myself get like this

Manx Verbal abuse and meds
  • replies: 1

Hi. I've never posted here before but I'm stuck and not sure what to do or how to approach this situation. My partner of almost 10 years has been verbally abusive to me over the years and I have been called all sorts of horrible names and been yelled... View more

Hi. I've never posted here before but I'm stuck and not sure what to do or how to approach this situation. My partner of almost 10 years has been verbally abusive to me over the years and I have been called all sorts of horrible names and been yelled at. I spoke to him numerous times about it and he always talked about fixing his verbally abusive behavior but things only improved slightly. But about a year ago, he accidentally read my diary (which wasn't hidden anyway) and realised how badly it was affecting me and my intention of leaving after the next episode. He decided to see a counsellor and psychiatrist and ended up being on anti-depressants. Things improved significantly and I thought that our relationship was finally on the mend. But he has suddenly decided that he was better and that he doesn't want to take anti-depressants anymore and stopped abruptly this week. He is a grown man and I understand that I can't make him do anything against his will but I'm terrified that he will go back to his old ways. I've told him that the tablets were helping him but he doesn't seem to want to listen. I don't think I can stay in the relationship anymore if he starts verbally abusing me. I wonder if I could somehow get him to stay on the meds?

Flourish Not a daughter anymore
  • replies: 6

I'm dealing with the fact my own Mother has dis owned me as a daughter. Back in 2012 found myself pregnant was forced to keep my pregnancy from Family, my Mother told me I was not to go near family as she felt disappointed and I was a failure. I had ... View more

I'm dealing with the fact my own Mother has dis owned me as a daughter. Back in 2012 found myself pregnant was forced to keep my pregnancy from Family, my Mother told me I was not to go near family as she felt disappointed and I was a failure. I had my daughter a month early where I had no support from partner at the time in 2012, not knowing I was suffering from Post Natal, eventually it blew up one day 2013 to where my partner&Mother called the Police to say I was a threat to my daughter, my Mother siding with my partner making a false statement to say I assaulted my partner. That night, I lost my baby daughter 4 weeks old, my house, my job and any friends that believed his fake stories. I fought in court for the next 11 months in the meanwhile not being out to see my daughter only for visitation rights with DHS office and then eventually having overnight stays to the point where it was half and half custody until sort it out in family court in late November 2013. It was then the father walked away after not getting years own way and decided not to see his daughter any more or have anything to do with me, said Post Natal was no excuse for what had happened & I was just basically a fake. Also my mother at this stage in this 11 months had decided to move in with him to help with my daughter so that he could still continue to go to work, do his sports go out with his friends as if life had not stopped and nothing had changed. My mother disowned me as a daughter and said I was complete failure. I still remember the day where I had to go around to my former family home to collect some of my belongings still wanting to fight me and I still don't know why I don't know what I've done wrong but at the same time I want to deal with it and move on I don't understand how a mother could not support you when you really need her most? After becoming a mother I would do anything and everything for my daughter regardless of what was going on or who was involved with, she is my world! If anyone has dealt with this before knows any techniques whatever to do with this it would be greatly appreciated as I feel like I've spent five years with the psychologist and not got anywhere. Please help! Thank you

Nylsor How to help my mum with depression, mental health issues and coping with an abusive husband?
  • replies: 2

My father has always had anger issues, communication problems and is abusive - constantly mentally and emotionally but sometimes physically. I am 26 years old and have two younger brothers (8 and 10) who I used to help my mum look after. But because ... View more

My father has always had anger issues, communication problems and is abusive - constantly mentally and emotionally but sometimes physically. I am 26 years old and have two younger brothers (8 and 10) who I used to help my mum look after. But because of the extreme abuse and stress at home, I developed depression and anxiety. I saw a cousellor for a period of time who helped me through this and encouraged me to move out and focus on myself, which I have now. I am much happier away from my chaotic family, but I have serious worries about my mum's mental health and I doubt her ability to cope. She used to confide in me and complain to me but now hardly speaks to me and never picks up even if I try to call her to chat. She seems so withdrawn, has next to no friends, and seems unable to deal with life. She often tells me she wants to "just leave everything behind and escape". To fuel her worries, for more than half a year now my dad had started not coming home at night for several days a week (getting more frequent). My mum found out he had been gambling, now he withdraws from their joint account anywhere between $3k to more than 5k a week. She tried talking to him, pleading, treating him nicer and being very submissive to him - nothing works and he seems to be getting worse. He does not help look after their kids and constantly complains and hurls abusive words at her whenever he's home - it's no doubt she would be reaching breaking point. To worsen this, she feels unable to assert herself and control my brothers - who can be quite disobedient, acting up and difficult as many kids are. Although I no longer have to witness these conflicts unfold, I can't help but worry sick for her wellbeing, but feel so helpless. I tried telling her she needs to be a stronger woman and leave, but she is quite a spineless, indecisive and submissive woman who doesn't know how to take control of her life. How can I help her through this?

Mrs_Sergeant Grown daughter & Father relationship or lack thereof
  • replies: 3

Long story short...My parents divorced when I was very young & my father has been intermittently in my life. I’m a middle aged woman now & he’s about to turn 70 and has said he’s giving up trying to have a relationship with me and my husband because ... View more

Long story short...My parents divorced when I was very young & my father has been intermittently in my life. I’m a middle aged woman now & he’s about to turn 70 and has said he’s giving up trying to have a relationship with me and my husband because we don’t give him the time of day & are disinterested. He’s right, but whilst I might be indifferent to our relationship, I’m not completely heartless & don’t want to say that. He’s written me a long winded text message & I was raised to be courteous so I will respond, however, I really don’t know what to say. I don’t want to hurt his feelings but he’s right I don’t have a connection with him & was only persevering with letting him see the kids every few months (if that) for his sake. I have no feelings for this man & he says being rejected by his children (he left before my brother was 1, so he has even less of a connection) is a very bitter pill. My husband and I are middle aged parents who work full time in demanding jobs, we juggle kids, school & sporting commitments and our precious time is split between trying to see other busy friends, time to work on our marriage, time as a family unit and time as individuals so, yes he’s right, we aren’t interested in hanging out more often. Especially with someone, realistically, I hardly know. I cherish time with my children and would never abandon them even if my relationship with their father ended so I guess he is just reaping the consequences of poor life decisions. How can I respectfully reply?