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Bad relationship with dad.

Community Member

I need some advice on how I should approach situations with my dad.

First of, my dad is not a good person. He may think he is but I think he is irresponsible, selfish and arrogant. My dad mostly lives overseas with his other girl my mother doesn't even know about, but probably has suspicions. I live with my family and always hear about how my dad is travelling and doing this and that and having a great time, all while my mum is struggling financially and even I as a 19 year old have to provide her money monthly. He doesn't seem to even care about his family and only wishes to live a more lavish life. He comes home maybe for 3 months in a year and every time he comes all he does is fight with my mum and to me I wish he never comes back. He is selfish in that he demands me and my siblings to provide him financial support when we have full time jobs as a payback to him raising us. But why should I be so giving when he isn't? He never remembers my birthday and I hear from my sister he talks bad stuff about me and my mum. That I'm stupid and have no hopes to succeed and that my mum is fat, ugly and never has sex with him. All he did in his life was drink alcohol and gambled all his money away. He believes that his reponsibilities as a dad was to raise the kids and provide a house and that was it. There were times when we did have father - son moments but those were rare. I've gone through depression because of him and I've heard he is coming back again. I know that I'm going to act neutral to him but in reality I have so many things to say to him. Part of me believes despite all these things he does still have feelings for his family but I'm not sure if I want to accept those feelings after all he has done. He seems to believe that he endured a lot and that he alone should be happy while he still can and when he isn't and too old, he will come back and use us. It just feels like my dad doesn't see having kids as something of love but rather more in a financial investment kind of way. What do I do? Just deal with it?

1 Reply 1

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Nic, and once again I'm really sorry that no one has replied back to you.

I know an acquaintance who acts exactly how your father does and as far as his wife back here, he no longer belongs to his family, while he goes overseas to stay with his girlfriend.

In regard to your situation, it's so good for you to help out financially with your mother, and I feel awfully sorry for her not knowing what he actually gets up to when he's away.

What you want to say to him may need to wait until you are feeling stronger and your depression has been overcome, and no, certainly not, I wouldn't be giving him any money he will only gamble it away.

I don't know the financial situation on whether the house has been paid off, that's none of my concern, but for a father to come back to you 3 months a year and then go back overseas to live with his girl the rest of the time, isn't someone who should be respected.

He has no support for your mum nor yourself and criticises the two of you, then why give him any money to drink away and to gamble.

What I'm concerned about is your depression, especially when your dad returns home and wonder whether or not you have been seeing your doctor and psychologist, it worries me so I hope to hear back from you.