Pushed my support network away for good
Thank you for your post, it must have taken a great deal of courage or desperation - or both - to do that.
It's a pretty good move though, there are many here who have walked down most of life's paths and want to give a helping hand to those that follow.
You sound as though you have not had any medical treatment for anxiety or depression. These are illness that hit a great many people. It's hard to distinguish between what's ordinary and where illness takes over.
As an ex-cop PTSD victim I know the feelings and greatly sympathize - it takes over your whole life, saps the will and makes things grim and pointless, on top of which you always blame yourself.
If I were you I'd go to my GP and get a referral to be diagnosed to see if you do have these - I'd say a good chance you will
If you take a look at the drop-down menu The Facts you'll find full details of causes, symptoms, treatments and so on.
If things get too -and that might be right now - much ring our friendly professionals on our Help Line 1300 22 4636 or Lifeline on 131114 -talking direct to someone caring and supportive can be a boon.
With your relationship if you need him ring him and say what you are going to do - can't hurt.
Please post as much as you'd like -there'll be warmth waiting
My best wishes
thanks for your reply and information. I saw my gp about two weeks ago to get a referral which I'm booked in tomorrow to speak with a psychologist. I struggle with phone conversations to people I don't know therefore have resorted to this. I so desperately want to call him however words stick and I feel I should respect his wishes. To speak with him would help me but would it do any good to him. I don't want to hurt anyone anymore than I already have done.
It's great you've come back - I'm pleased to see you.
I'm even more pleased that you are getting into medical help. It is impossible to soldier on by yourself - that is what I did, just treating the physical symptoms for years -this definitely sets back progress towards complete recovery.
One of the common side effects of mental ailments is poor attention and memory & speed of thinking.
I have found I always have to write down what I need to say before visiting a doctor or anything really. With the doctor I give him a copy and we go through it together. Gives you plenty of time beforehand to make the list.
If you find that writing is the best way for you to communicate - that's fine, write the letter and send it to your friend.
He is a human being in his own right and has to make his own decisions. If it was me I'd tell him how you feel, what you are doing, what you hope for and see what happens. Saying sorry is all very well, if it was me I would have said it endlessly. So a letter with a dash of hope in it might be a refreshing change.
One of the first casualties of mental illness is self-esteem. I though I was worthless and a complete burden on my family and society as a whole. I was convinced, could not be talked out of it, and was wrong.
I've been married twice, one for 25 years, and when she passed away re-married and I'm in my 20th year. So if 'worthless' me can inspire sustained love and confidence twice then you can too.
I'll finish for now,
Good luck with the tests. Feel free to post when you want
My best wishes
i agree, I wish I I sort help long ago maybe my current situation would have been avoided. Anyway help is now on its way.
Thank you for the tip with writing things down before my appointment I would have never thought of this.
I attempted to reach out tonight however didn't get a response. I suppose I'll give him some time and then try to move on from it.
I feel for you croix this is a horrible feeling to have to not be able to sleep, eat or function at all in basic life tasks and I can't explain how appreciative I am to see your responses back to mine.
Im so sorry to hear of your loss but very glad to see you're not alone and have found love again. Haven't inspired me just yet but this may be just a bit too soon.