Partner problems! Confused about contradiction!

[BeaBeaE]

So it's my first time on here.

I thought some of the things I read are similar to what I feel. I have never been that comfortable and good at an emotional relationship and I have a great partner we have been together for over 5 years and have a child. We have been through a lot together, and the love is there! we have worked very hard at our relationship. But we still run into the same problems! It's been years and although we have managed to get passed a lot of issues, every time I think yep, we have cracked it something happens!

Its hard to give examples, There is a lot of times that he suggests that I don't listen. Which is more than likely a fair comment! But it's not intentional, he mearly wants to talk when I am too tired, or he will say one thing one day and totally contradicts the very next day! So there is not much consistency in what he wants or feels! It's hard to keep up! I don't try to pass blame and I rarely have a go at him, however I can be, I guess non affectionate or at times annoyed at him ( but not feel like explaining why as I known it will be thrown back in my face) on the contrary to all I have said he is also a lovely bloke who loves me dearly I do know this!! But it can feel like I am in a relationship with 2 different guys! One who is amazing and the other very challenging and likes to pass blame. Saying things like " you can never do anything wrong" - and " this is why I can't talk to you" I find myself giving in most times, for peace!

its so hard to explain because we actually have a pretty good relationship most of the time and these occasions are often but very short lived! Perhaps is pretty common and maybe I do the same to him. I can be pretty impulsive and at times unpredictable- yes moody but who isn't and also I just wonder ' alot' why it's ok for him to have mood swings but not me! I am really frustrated and wonder if anyone else has issues of a similar nature? I do not feel as though I want to leave him I am just frustrated and curious!

any advise or understanding would be appreciated

thanks

[PamelaR]

Hello BeaBea

Welcome to BeyondBlue (BB) forums. People here are a friendly, caring and supportive bunch.

Relationships are hard at times hey. It sounds though you have a great partner, who has his ups and downs. You sound like you doing well to manage these ups and downs. Good on you.

I've found that if you have a strong basis for the relationship, e.g. love, common understandings, beliefs and values it's something to work on. Relationships can be difficult at times, especially when you don't agree on things. One of the greatest aspects of my 30 or more years with my hubby is - we talk about things, including all the painful things that hurt us. It's not pleasant at times, but we do come to common ground.

We both have anxiety and depression and both very understanding when the other one is down or is feeling anxious. Took a very long time to find out that we both had it (about 7-8 years ago). It's made life so much easier. One thing I like is, you can get mad, get angry, get annoyed and then 'make up'. It's all okay. We can't just 'love' all the time. I'm pretty sure I'd be totally bored if that happened. Need someone to keep me on my toes. To challenge me when I'm being unreasonable. Something I can do at times.

You say your partner has his highs and lows. Is there anything that happens to cause these? Has he been to his doctor to discuss this?

Please let us know how you get on.

Kind regards

PamelaR