My first time

[SaraJade]

My first time was great but now it feels like he doesn’t care about me at all. I didn’t want to regret it since losing my virginity was a really big deal for me. Now I’m feeling very lonely, isolated, unappreciated and I don’t know where to go from here.

[Croix]

Dear SaraJade~

Welcome to the Forum, I'm sorry this has happened to you. The first time is a really big deal, most people give something of their heart at that time, just as you did.

Before going any further do you think this is a case of being left, or could it be some other matter,circumstances making contact difficult, shyness on his part -or even worry about pregnancy? Having a talk to the person in question may clear things up. My apologies if you have already gone down this path.

Unfortunately some do take advantage of inexperience or affection, and then move on. If you do not mind me raising a sensitive subject have you considered being tested for STDs? If he makes a habit of this there is always a chance of having something passed on.

Being left leaves the person in a most unhappy situation, perhaps wondering if they were unable to keep a person, or if they went too quickly, feel lonely and alone and just plain hurt.

There are no rules on what one should do when getting together with another. It realy is a matter of getting to know them, which can be either a quick or slow process. I'd imagine from what you said you are a sensitive person, and as such have a great deal to offer the right person. Sadly you may not have found that person yet.

Feeling lonely is one of the things that happens in situations like this. Is there anyone to be with you and care? A friend or family member you can talk about things frankly with. Sometimes when any initial embarrassment has passed it can be a real help.

We will be here for you whenever you wish

Croix

[SaraJade]

Thanks for your kind words Croix.

I have been taking contraception for a while now and now for a fact that it is effective. I'm definitely not pregnant. I've also been checked several times over the past 6 months since I've been sexually active and have always tested negative (as in no sti's). I also have always used condoms on top of the other contraception that I use. Therefore it is unlikely that any of those things should be causing a problem.

The situation is complicated. We were seeing each other for a while but not too seriously because he was always planning on moving away and now he has. Even still, our relationship was special and he valued me or at least told me that he really valued our relationship. I've seen him a few times since he moved and every time was really great. But I spent a week with him last week and he treated me like shit. I don't know why and I don't understand what has changed. I question whether he really did value me before or if it was just fake. In any case, it's triggered a lot of painful feelings and I'm having a hard time getting out of this funk. There a lot of things other than this that are causing me problems too.

[quirkywords]

SaraJade,

Thanks for your 2nd post explaining more about your relationship.

Alas all relationships are complicated in some way.

Have you asked him why he treated yo badly on your last visit? I am wondering have you had much communication since you last met?

t sounds like you have a lot of problems at the moment and you are trying to makes sense of it all.

If you want to post more we are here.

Quirky

[Croix]

Dear SaraJade~

As Quirky says, thank you for saying more, you do give a clearer picture now. Unless there is something else in his life causing him to behave in a different way from normal I guess the whole thing highlights the different attitudes two people can have. While you both may have acknowledged the matter was 'not too serious' you have being giving it increasing importance, and he most probably has not.

I do not know if this is what is happening however one guess might be that he was prepared to show a friendly face for a while and hope the affair would simply finish, but now has realized it may continue as you were more attached than he was.

Trying to deal with this as well as the other problems you face is hard, and one can only really cope with so much. I mentioned before the idea of a frank talk with him - is that possible?

Other than that trying to involve yourself in other areas of your life for the moment would seem the best plan. It is not easy to find one's true partner, however every contact makes one a more capable and understanding person, more able to recognize and support the right person when they come along.

I know that's not much consolation at the moment. You sound sensible and caring, none of this is any reflection on you. Although difficult I'd suggest more social life at the moment if you can

Croix