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Partner in serious depression

Player1
Community Member

Hello,

I’m sorry if this is posted daily and sounds repetitive but I guess I just need to get this out, and get help if able to.


I started dating my parter in March 2016. It was one the the coolest, fun and most intimate relationship of my life. I was and of course am in smitten with this girl. She is 27 and I am an old man at 35 🙂 we met through work etc. she’s a very quiet girl who keeps to herself and it’s very independent and private. She’s also not your normal / average girl but that’s what made me fall for her. She would call me non stop everyday, we’d talk and talk and she’s always come over, straight after work or sports etc. it was paradise.


In July of that year, she lost her Mum pretty unexpectedly due to a rare disease which is incurable. She put on a brave face for so long and went about things pretty much as normal. I could tell she was not 100% all there but is normal, but again just too normal. Many occasions I mentioned perhaps seeing someone about the loss rather than keeping it inside may help as I just knew she was struggling deep down.


Eventually Christmas that year it hit her. First Christmas without her, then people’s birthdays like her sibling or father and so on. The whole time she kept busy looking after her grandparents (mother’s side), caring for them, consoling etc. over time her dad sold the family home which got to her, and nearly a year later she lost her Grandad (mums side) not long before and also not long after she lost two friends in this time. Most likely suicide.


Again she took care of her family, and we saw each other when we could. She would open up more and more around me, and mentioned stuff now again about how she felt. Again I mentioned seeing a professional and she was very against this and actually got angry.


Things with us have gotten very slow over the past few months, maybe a year now. In April her mums birthday was arriving . Stuff happened and we “argued”, nothing bad but it seems she truely opens up when confronted and is afraid to lose me (not her words but from what I see). She told me things, dark things.


3 Replies 3

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Player, I'm really sorry that your comment has been missed by the good people on this site and perhaps I can explain why is that if the site is busy then comments are pushed over to page 2 or 3 and somehow go under the radar, I want to apologise.

Your story is such a lovely one but with someone who is afraid to get help and definitely scared to lose you, but unfortunately numerous people who she loved so dearly passed away and then the house was sold so it must feel as though she has lost most things in life.

This is going to affect her and the situation will feel very lonely, that's understandable but if she carries these dark thoughts for too long then they are only going to build up inside her and affect her and change her personality.

I feel for what's happened and know that all you want to do is help her, by seeing someone who she can talk with to release these dark thoughts.

People with depression don't want to talk about everything with the person they love because sometimes they believe that this person may not want to listen to what is said, so these dark secrets are kept locked away, so we may never know what is causing the trouble although she has told you some of her dark thoughts, however there maybe others which are not mentioned.

When she opens up when confronted may not necessarily be the real problems, sure when any of us are in the same position, we do get cross and make comments that could only be half true, but in depression the main problems are not mentioned, you just argue about each other.

Try and coax her into seeing her doctor or perhaps going to the local Health Centre where counsellors and social workers work because once she does start talking to anyone then she may decide to get the help she needs.

My best wishes.

Geoff.

Sarzy61
Community Member

Hey Geoff,

You give good advice. Wisdom from a life member.

Regards,

Sarzy61

Player1
Community Member

Thanks Geoff,

Sorry I did not get a reply as I didn’t think my post was accepted, it was only half explain.

only a few days ago she completely pushed me away and broke up with me (I’ve made a new post)

😞