Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Bec2017 Bipolar and Infidelity while I was 16 weeks pregnant
  • replies: 5

Hello all, I met my partner 2.5 years ago. I was 32, he was 39. We had both recently come out of marriages. A few dates into the relationship he said he was bipolar but that he was on meds and it was under control. After about a year since meeting, h... View more

Hello all, I met my partner 2.5 years ago. I was 32, he was 39. We had both recently come out of marriages. A few dates into the relationship he said he was bipolar but that he was on meds and it was under control. After about a year since meeting, he advised his Psychiatrist had misdiagnosed him with Bipolar type 2 and that he did not have the condition and stopped his meds. Fast forward 2 blissful years and I am now 18 weeks pregnant. However, about 5 weeks ago he was struggling to balance work and study and unable to sleep (he's FIFO too), he went for a lengthy period without sleeping and erratic behaviour, crazy spending, change in personality, irritability/ anger soon followed, he developed the need to run 10km each day on holiday, he divulged private relationship information to my family and painted me in such a terrible way. He was also inappropriate to a friend of mine. Then a couple of weeks ago we had a terrible argument and I asked him to leave and he stayed at a hotel. A couple of days later I had a strange desire to check his phone...well, a message he had sent indicated there had been people back to the hotel room and I knew immediately, something was wrong....2.5 days later of his intense denying and going to great lengths to collude with the guy he sent the text to, I finally pieced together that he had bumped into an old work mate at a bar and what followed was a sleazy night and 2 girls being brought back to the room (20 year olds) and he had sex with one of them. He is now is a Psych clinic for the past week. I know now, he is bipolar type 1 and has been in the midst of a manic episode for over 5 weeks now. He is still manic, he does not have any empathy or understanding of how hurt i am and the position he has put us in. I am now terrified to have this baby (currently in counselling over this) and he has agreed to intensive couples counselling, personal counselling (CBT) and has just started medication. The illness is one thing, but the cheating and lying is another...the Psychiatrist seems to think there may be some personality disorder traits too. I am scared of the future with him and wonder would i be saving myself a life of pain if i end this relationship and terminate the pregnancy (please no judgement). I am trying to think of the best future for my 5 year old child and myself (not his biological child). I have also since found out that his second marriage ended as he cheated too.

timpye OCD and extreme Guilt over relationship breakup
  • replies: 5

I had a break up 6 months ago in which my ex who i thought was going to be the one broke up with me not because falling out of love but because she is young and wanted time to focus on her studies and discover herself. even recently still claiming sh... View more

I had a break up 6 months ago in which my ex who i thought was going to be the one broke up with me not because falling out of love but because she is young and wanted time to focus on her studies and discover herself. even recently still claiming she would like to reconcile but not sure when. I am a professional gambler and make my from betting. She is against horse racing ethically so much so it makes her sick. I used to make money betting on horses but gave it away when we were together, as I value her so much. Once she broke up with me I started betting on racing again. My initial thinking was she did break up with me, I can do what I want and if we get back together in the future I would of course give it up. Recently I think because she was warming to me a little I started feeling extreme guilt and anxiety for what I had done. To the point where it was too unbearable I messaged her and told her. She has read my messages and not replied. Have I ruined all chances of reconciliation? did i do anything wrong? has my obsessions and compulsions put the final nail in the coffin? The entire situation makes me sick. I just want her to message me and tell me everything is ok, but its not happening and I would just like to put my mind to rest.

Goldaboa Anxiety in relationships :(
  • replies: 2

Hi.. Im 28 and i have a 3 yr old. I broke up with the father because of my mental health.. My anxiety is so bad im constantly thinking the worse. I ruin everything good that happens to me because i really dont believe im good enough. I have a new par... View more

Hi.. Im 28 and i have a 3 yr old. I broke up with the father because of my mental health.. My anxiety is so bad im constantly thinking the worse. I ruin everything good that happens to me because i really dont believe im good enough. I have a new partner now my best friend from highschool he loves and adores me.. But i just cant stop this feeling that he will always be looking at women more beautiful, more fun and will eventually leave me. I know this is such a stupid thing to think but i wake up every morning with such intense anxiety that i can hardly function. My whole body feels like its restricting, my heart feels like it will explode. And i am on medication. Will i always be like this. Am i bound to be alone? Ive been diagnosed with 2 degree PTS. I hate this part of me. I feels so alone.

Janejac Advise.
  • replies: 4

Hello, im just after so advise. Recently i have discovered my partner looking at porn on a daily basis. I have nothing against porn but how much is to much. He tells me it to get ideas for us as our sex life has been pretty crap of late. Not sure i b... View more

Hello, im just after so advise. Recently i have discovered my partner looking at porn on a daily basis. I have nothing against porn but how much is to much. He tells me it to get ideas for us as our sex life has been pretty crap of late. Not sure i believe him though. When i ask him about it it turns into a massive fight and its pretty much my fault as to why he does it. So i have come to the conclusion its easier to say nothing so a fight doesnt start. I feel like our relationship is slipling away. Any advice on what I can do is appricated. I really need some help.

melbourneboy88 Being in a relationship brings out my anxiety
  • replies: 2

Hi there, i don't know where to start, or what to say, but in the last two years I've had 2 relationships, one I'm still currently in one. The girl I'm with now is so kind and I love being with her, however, it's when I'm away from her is when I have... View more

Hi there, i don't know where to start, or what to say, but in the last two years I've had 2 relationships, one I'm still currently in one. The girl I'm with now is so kind and I love being with her, however, it's when I'm away from her is when I have thoughts that I can't control and brings me to not be able to concentrate on studying and concentrating in class. Before we got together she had a threesome with one of my best friends and his gf. At that time we were more of a friends with benefits type thing- she had just come out of a relationship and I had serious sporting commitments, it seemed like the best thing to do. At the time it didn't bother me, I did like her and I never thought about it. We eventually got together a couple of months later, but in that time she had gotten with another one of my friends, and a few others. I was okay with it to begin with because we weren't together, but now whenever I start to think about her all I can think of is the imagine if her doing this. We've been together now for 4 months, and whilst I don't consider myself as obsessively protective, I don't like guys getting close with her when I know they have intentions. I told her this, but she kept saying these two other guys were just friends. I trust her in not doing anything at parties, but I can't get passed these two people coz I know they like her. I told her I wasnt comfortable with them, but she kept saying nothing was going to happen, which wasn't why I was feeling the way I was. One of them had lied that she wanted to get with him even though we were together and told his mates he was going to make her cheat and she still wanted to stay friends. The other had hooked up with her before we were together, which is fine, but he asked her to go to his place afterwards which she didn't, but kept talking to her even though he moved to Israel for 5 months, this made me very uncomfortable and really made me over think why she'd want to talk to 'her friend' she'd met twice. she knew how it was making me feel. I could never get this out of my head and it would drive me insane. I'd be paranoid because I know what guys will do, and I can't stand the image of her being with someone else. she doesn't want to be controlled herself, and I don't want to control her..but she stopped talking to them, and she said she wouldn't have done it for anyone else. I love her, and I loving being with her, but when I'm away from her these thoughts just dominate my mind

solabear My son might be gay, I'm confused
  • replies: 8

Hey guys, as the title says I'm confused and not sure how to deal with this situation. He is 31 and has been in two long term relationship with females, homosexuality has never been discussed. He's never mentioned anything lie that to me and I've nev... View more

Hey guys, as the title says I'm confused and not sure how to deal with this situation. He is 31 and has been in two long term relationship with females, homosexuality has never been discussed. He's never mentioned anything lie that to me and I've never had any suspicion about it. He lives with me and we have a mutual friend who's gay. This gay friend told me that they are dating, but my son doesn't want anyone to know, not even me. But he decided to share this secret with me and asked me not to tell anyone, and not to let my son know that I know about it. I promised to keep it a secret and not to confront my son, but I can't stop thinking about it and I'm very confused. I'm not sure if the gay friend is telling the truth and I'm really worried about this whole thing. I can't talk to anyone about it, because I promised to keep it as a secret and I don't want cause trouble to anyone. My son was deeply hurt by both of his long term relationships with his girlfriends and I'm worried that he turned to a gay man because he doesn't trust women anymore. It's very confusing to me because I've never thought he was gay. And I'm worried for him not feeling comfortable talking to me about it or coming out if he's really gay. I want to be there for him and tell him that I love him and three is nothing wrong with being gay, but I can't because I have to keep this to myself and I can't let him know that I know. Its a tricky situation and I don't know how to deal with this. I can't get it out of my head and I would appreciate some advice Sola

For_the_want_of_a_better_ How can i encourage rather than be a winge...
  • replies: 2

Hi, first time using this. I figured it was a good start for my sutuation. Hopefully anyway. I have been with my bf for almost a year. Our relrionship started healthy and slow. Friends getting to know each other. Working on who we are etc etc. We wai... View more

Hi, first time using this. I figured it was a good start for my sutuation. Hopefully anyway. I have been with my bf for almost a year. Our relrionship started healthy and slow. Friends getting to know each other. Working on who we are etc etc. We waited until both or personal dramas where dealt with before comitting to a relationship. My boyfriend is a workaholic he cam work 7 days a week straight. No in between. I knew that from the beginning but it worked for us. Sometimes well more often than not i dont see him till late at night. And i know he is working because he comes over exhausted and filthy from work. I started noticing changes in him a while ago and i tried to talk to him about it. He says its him and not me. He says he has depression and anxiety and he cant not work. He just cant stop. He was seeing a psych but stopped as it wasnt helping him. He tells me hes never been in love like this before. I know hes had alot of reltionships fail because of his work. He has shut down emotionally and in communication i do all the talking and he goves very brief answers. I feel like im pushing and its making him more distant. He trys to crack jokes or deter from the conversation. Its making me crazy inside as i dont feel like it is how it was. When i say this he says everything changes. When i ask why are you here with me knowing i am the eccentric i am he says because i love you and i want to. This man is a very black and whit no in between if be doesnt want to do something or be somewhere he wont. When i get emotional he shuts down more. i love this guys alot. And i want to be able to support him through whatever it is he is going through. And he says things will change. How do yoi help a depressed guy who is slowly shutting down??

FaeGirl9 I need to safely get out of an online relationship with a narcissist.
  • replies: 7

I've been silly, I know it, told myself the same thing a thousand times, but...I fell into an online relationship with a man overseas, on Facebook, and now I'm realising just how toxic it is. I don't trust him anymore, and fear the repercussions of b... View more

I've been silly, I know it, told myself the same thing a thousand times, but...I fell into an online relationship with a man overseas, on Facebook, and now I'm realising just how toxic it is. I don't trust him anymore, and fear the repercussions of breaking things off with him. He has a lot of anger, and has posted really vile things about people in the recent past, which is why I've woken up to the truth of him. I'm terrified he'll use our private chats and messages against me online, to malign me and punish me for wanting to leave. I'm walking on eggshells, always scared, and dreading every moment I speak to him. I'm only keeping up appearances because I'm afraid of his wrath and don't know what to do. I've got OCD and query bipolar, and this is making me downright ill. What can I do, except blame myself for being a vulnerable, gullible fool who believed shed found love?

Feelinglost77 What can i do to keep my wife from leaving me??
  • replies: 4

Hi All I have a problem with lying to my wife and stealing. I am addressing the issue of stealing with a psychologist and a counsellor. I have lied to my wife from the beginning of our relationship in the fear of her not wanting me. I made up stories... View more

Hi All I have a problem with lying to my wife and stealing. I am addressing the issue of stealing with a psychologist and a counsellor. I have lied to my wife from the beginning of our relationship in the fear of her not wanting me. I made up stories to make her feel sorry for me and to want to be with me. This is my second marriage and we have been together for five years. My wife left me with our two boys and moved into her sisters place around May of this year. She left because i had yet again lied to her about what i had done. She said she cannot trust me and couldn't be in that kind of relationship. In the time she was gone which was approx 2 months, i kept seeing my psychologist and also engaged a counsellor to help me with my issues. I made promises to my wife that it was never going to happen again and that she can trust me. Eventually after the longest 2 months of my life, against her families and some friends wishes, she moved back home with the boys and we were together again. I never wanted to be in that situation ever again. Well, it lasted about a month when i stole again and was caught. I was terminated from my workplace and made up an excuse that i was made redundant. My wife found out the truth and has told me that she cant do this anymore and wants to leave me. She has said she wants to move into a rental property with our boys. She has agreed to stay living together until she finds a place. I am gutted and so desperately want her to stay. I love her and i know i can eventually beat this addiction i have, but i also know i have once again lied to her when i said i wouldn't. Is there anything i can do??

Jans62 Hello, First post here , Mum to 4 children Schizophrenia & autism , my Mum has schizophrenia ,and grandson autism
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Burn out is my middle name , I have had such a load with my families mental health that it has now put mine at risk and.i am on anti depressants.. suffer with overwhelm , migraines , osteo arthritis.. and anxiety . I wondering if anyone else has simi... View more

Burn out is my middle name , I have had such a load with my families mental health that it has now put mine at risk and.i am on anti depressants.. suffer with overwhelm , migraines , osteo arthritis.. and anxiety . I wondering if anyone else has similar carer responsibilities that impact their own mental health and how one may deal and cope with it all.. I don't seem to get much time for me and even if I do I am constantly in the phone to support others .. thank you