Hi Struggler,
Zero interest in my mother. She has undiagnosed Borderline Personality Disorder of the extreme type. She is old school, 82 yo now and still a tyrant. My sister and I went most of our lives (in our 50's now) not knowing what our problems were nor hers. Finally a friend told me to research a book from Christine Lawson about BPD where she describes the 4 personailties of a BPD mother (you can google it). The 4 personalities or traits are witch, queen, waif and hermit. My mother was all 4, totally unpredicatible and revengful, destructive, manipulative and used people as weapons. Finally my sister and I are free, free from the stress.
We both dont care about her will etc. I have bipolar type 2, dysthymia, anxiety and depression and ADHD when younger. My sister has depression. We survived. We both have had one suicide episode where a plan was made.
Up until a few years ago my sister and I would be pitted against each other by mother. And our father (dec) was my mothers best weapon. He was regularly brainwashed.
Evil? yes,nurturing yes, and so the extremes of her personality made it hard to break away. In the end my sister and I made a pact. That if either of us had an arguement with mother we would not get involved. Unfortunately I had the arguement and after it mother rang my sister to triangulate the issue and it didnt work.
It spelt the end of 78 years of manipulation. Had she got help for her illness of course this would not have happened. Some people are stubborn or cant see the damage they do.
I think your plan with your daughter is a sound one. You dont have to tell her anything about the will. Otherwise it becomes an issue. You can always change it back later if she sees the light. She must treat people decently and reasonably. You are not helping her if you continue to assist her financially. As I say to anyone asking me for money now (we are retired) "go to the bank....they have loans available".
