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Parent issues

Lauren57r
Community Member

Im 3 weeks from moving back in with my prents a university year and i dont want to because all my parents do is fight everyday about stupid little things. I never get to spend anytime with my dad as my mother is making him work nightshift as she refuses to work.

I have tried many times to them how i feel about it but nothing ever seems to change and im scared dad will have a heart attack due to the stress mum puts him under

8 Replies 8

jess334
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi Lauren,

That sounds like a really stressful situation. Is moving back with your parents your only option?

I'm glad you have tried to talk to them. I think sometimes parents are not very good at listening to their kids, especially if they don't share your concerns. Have you tried talking to your dad without your mum around?

It might be helpful for you to talk to a councillor or psychologist about how you are feeling. They might be able to give you some strategies to deal with the situation.

I hope you keep posting if you can. Beyond Blue is a great place to get some support.

Kind thoughts, Jess

Hi jess

At this stage yes it is the only option untill uni starts again

Ive tried to talk to both of them separately however it ends in a blaming each other game and have seen 2 councillors about it

It just seems like a vicious cycle and their constant fighting has begun to effect my mental health in the sence of constant self doubt and the anexity around my uni studies

Hi Lauren,

Thanks for replying.

I know it doesn't seem very helpful advice, but I think if you have tried talking to them and counselling then really the only option left is for you to accept the situation and try not to let it affect you.

Unfortunately we can't change other people's behaviour, only our own. I understand your concern for your dad, however he is an adult and is capable of making his own decisions. Their relationship is probably much more complex than what you can see.

Try not to get involved in their arguments - maybe invest in some noise cancelling headphones?

Kind thoughts

Jess

I've been back living with my parents for two weeks and it is so stressful all the time and it causes everyone to yell at each other as my parents fight then they yell at my brother and i for no reason. It has gotten to the point that the only way out that i can see is them divorcing. is it wrong for me to want them to divorce?

Hi Lauren,

Thanks for coming back. I'm sorry it sounds like thing haven't improved.

I don't think it is wrong of you at all to want them to get divorced. I think from your position it is clear that them being together is making things more difficult foe you and your brother. It's not wrong for you to want them to resolve this, even if it means breaking up. In fact having your parents in two separate houses would be much more peaceful for you.

Unfortunately I really can't see a way for you to fix or help resolve this situation. It really has to be up to your parents to take the steps to separate or try and fix things. It sounds like they are doing neither at the moment.

Do you have any other close relatives, grandparents, aunties, uncles who you could talk to about this? Maybe they could talk to your parents on your behalf and explain how much it is affecting you? Or maybe you could go stay with them for a few days here and there just to get a break from the situation? It might seem like a lot to ask, but generally families are pretty good at being there when you need them. My aunty put me up for a month once when a rental fell through. Even though I was really scared and embarrassed to ask she was more than happy to do it.

kind thoughts,

Jess

Thanks jess

Im staying with my grandparents for a few days

And your rightabout them not doing anything to help improve the situation and are failing to see how its effecting me

Im not sure how to bring it up with them not shutting me down and not wanting to address there problems

How do you best cope with divorce when it's destroying a family for no reason

Mary_2
Community Member

Hey Lauren,

Only just reading your thread. I can empathise with some of your situation. Appreciate that you are seeking some advice and experience.

I too had parents arguing over “little things”. And same time trying to study , work and save, for myself.

Unfortunately my shift working father, sober for 30years decided it was ok to drink again. Which only exacerbated the situation.

I actually asked both of them why do you want to live like this. I did have my timing and approach to each individual, with the conversation planned.

Both parents after 45years marriage x5 kids, and x12 grandkids. Responded same, to keep family together and obviously financially it makes sense.

I suggested separation. They looked confused. So I left it be.

A few weeks later when I intervened at family birthday. I said enough was enough. (As grandchildren didn’t want yelling! ) This was no longer tolerable.

Funny but me the youngest child and the introvert just had to stand up. They could now see the affect it was having on all the family.

12 months later they did it. Both happy with settlement and agreement.

Love them both and both happily involved with “their family”.

Still a huge kick in my guts. Felt I had to force it and no I didn’t want my parents to separate as an adult of 25! It was sad time.

You can only suggest counselling for them, there may be issues you are unaware of.

You have great insight to the whole situation and you can only suggest solutions as their daughter.
It is up to them to choose how to approach it. But is it how they want to live? As it is now, it is not how you and your brother want it. They need to make their choices. Take care of yourself and getting studies done.

Best of luck and wishes

Mary2