Online dating

[Lonely22]

Hey every1,

so recently I'm looking into online dating sites but keep hearing negative feedback, that these sites have terrible male female ratio (1f to 10m, rediculous right), that many come across nothing like how they convey themselves, that it's so difficult to maintain online chats let alone actually get a date out of any of it, that it's a waste of money/time.... I mean, what alternative do I have, I'm unsocial and social anxiety and useless conversationalist. Idk, I hate competition like this, in social circumstances, I don't compare to any1 else, I'm always last choice, if choice at all (I've only ever gotten rejected asking women out) so until sone1 proves to me otherwise, I'm not relationship material, so why bother.

[Just Sara]

Hey Lonely Guy!

I loved your thankyou posts, and also your positives. It's great you've stuck around hun. I'm hoping this thread and BB will give you some practice at communicating, especially if you choose to write as you speak. Trying to compete with other people's styles? Doesn't help...create your own.

In my post on the 16th, I left a word out of a sentence. It changed the structure and meaning completely. To recap;

'What I'm trying to say, is that you need to think about who you want to be in your life more than criticising yourself for not being enough.'

It should've read; ..think about who you want to be 'with' in your life... Either way the sentence makes sense which is pretty cool actually.

Adding the 'with' takes the meaning towards the person you want to meet; 'their' qualities and what 'they' have to offer you! Relationships are a 2 way street, it isn't just you who feels nervous and has a 'wish list'.

Who wants a woman who's looking for a wallet? Only men who can afford it yeah? Who wants a married woman who's looking for sex? Um...don't know. But you know what I mean. Ask yourself those types of questions. "What type of woman do I want and how serious or casual do I want her to be?"

You're doing great! I've noticed a shift in your writing since you first posted. That's a great sign, so keep up the good work.

'You can do eeet!'

Hugs...Sara xo

[Lonely22]

Sara,

That's true, using this forum is helping a lot. Things I hadn't considered before.

You know it's hard to say what type of woman I want to be with, b/c I've never had a relationship or even female friend. I know, only one way to find out...

Its exhausting continuously comparing yourself to others, so I'll try to just do me and be content, but i also recognise areas to improve.

Psychology, now it all makes sense, 🤔 im sure you've heard this before but this would be terrific practice in dealing with mental health and learning about conditions.

Thanks again!

[Just Sara]

Hi Hun;

Please practice asking for what you want. It takes a lot of guts and self knowledge to answer this question. It took me months before I 'got' it. Gentle and kind steps; baby one's at first, then graduate to bigger and better things. Remember, I asked for a woman who's 'patient', because that's what I needed for me. Nothing less would do.

I'm cheering for you...yay!!

Sara xo

[BluBelle]

Aww Lonely22, you make me blush! You know, reading your posts here and one a couple of other threads I think any lady would be lucky to get to know you. You have a kind gentleness, you offer such genuine compliments and sincere gratitude. Not even a hint of creepiness, which will definitely be appreciated by women used to getting sleazy messages all the time. As for your question about first dates, I usually suggest a pub becase a) a drink helps relax me and b) there is safety in meeting in a public place. However I know that not everybody drinks alcohol and crowded places can affect anxiety levels, so a coffee/cafe is another good option. There's no chance to talk at the cinema, and I feel a bit weird eating in front of strangers and doing the awkward dance over who pays at a restaurant. On some dating sites there is a text box to describe "your ideal first date" or something similar, so you could always use that as a starting point.

Sara, thank you again for your kindness. I feel all inspired to keep writing to others 🙂 With respect to the word fat, it's something I've been trying to reclaim. For a long time, it's been used as an insult to infer laziness, stupidity, etc but to me it's just an adjective. My weight doesn't define me, it doesn't diminish my personality, it doesn't even indicate my health. I feel like if I have power over that word, it can no longer be wielded against me. Perhaps this is a discussion for another thread though! I can certainly appreciate that some people like a few curves. Personally I'm quite attracted to big, cuddly blokes! But I also know it's not everyone's cup of tea and that really is ok! Some people want to go hiking and mountain biking with their partners, I just want to watch Netflix and cuddle 🙂

[Just Sara]

Well said BlueBelle!

It is of course subjective, and that's fine too. As long as you're happy, I'm happy...

Mwah!

Sara xo

[blondguy]

Hey Everybody...new posters always welcome to post too!

Just bumping up this 2016 thread topic by Lonely22 .

Its a couple of years old yet there is always a positive where Internet Dating is concerned. Unfortunately mental illness can bring isolation and loneliness too

It worked very well for me especially with companionship in the past

My Kind thoughts

Paul

[Guest_1584]

Gday Paul how are ya mate.

lt sounds like it worked quite well for you, don't hear that very often so that was nice to see. The threads a good idea there's a lot of single people here probably thinking about all this stuff.

Thought l'd drop in and add those times we were talking about the other wk from my short dabble after divorce. Funny really but l still often chuckle as l read dating stuff anywhere.

l was on a site few mths and found a few girls l was interested in , on the site that is but as ya know , that's only the very beginning and none went anywhere in RL l saw straight away they weren't for me butttt,

The first , E. most classic personality . We got talking and she was into antiques and fossiking. Well there was on an old on my property with hundreds of old bottles. She says l'll be down in the morng. Well all 5 ft of her pulls up in this hige 30ft RV , climbs down and we cuddle hello and went in for coffee. Spent 5hrs going through old bottles out in the old shed laughing and messing round. later we went in and she made us lunch and we talked for a few hours. Lovely chick but not really sadly, my type. We stayed in touch a bit but drifted apart later,

The second one lied about her height, so funny , such a little cutie.but she was 3hrs away so we talked for a wk or 2 and l said l'm coming over how's saturday . She said fantastic about time, don't worry you can stop over and sleep on the couch.

l turn up she answers the door , guess what , she was 4'3 , l'm 6ft. so funny, cutest thing l ever saw too but she said 5ft on her site, had a chuckle. we talked and got drunk and l slept on the couch haha, for awhile anyway. stayed a few days, wound up in her room and she has the biggest king size bed l ever saw. quite funny considering. she was like this little tennis ball in that thing.

the 3rd one lied about her weight and used an old pic where she was 30kg lighter l turn up and she was huge, we remained friends for a few mths and she'd cook meals and we'd talk all night in front of her fire. just friends, she was a great lady that one.

The 4th was a very cute chinese girl but once we started talking it was pretty clear we weren't really couple material but we did get along really well and she says you should come down anyway , l can cook and we can talk. 2hrs away.

Fantastic girl made the best chinese , l stayed a few days and we just talked and she cooked and we wondered a round melbourne.

Soon after l met gf and that was that.

rx

[Guest_1584]

l didn't meet gf on the date site btw.

l'm sorry some have had a bad run but really , l put zero stock in any ratio bc at the end of the day it's just as hard for anyone , to find the real thing and some girls l spoke to were nice looking ladies but been on them years no luck. They all said much the same thing.And when l checked back on mine a few yrs later most of the same girls were still on there and on 3 and 4 others too so just remember this stuff not easy for anyone.

Always nice to see a few successes though because imo , and this is for anyone, it's very unlikely you'll meet anyone lasting and real butttt, it d0es happen on them none the less now and then, as the few here and l've heard of lots of others , l think it more comes down to on the very odd chance well, ya just never know but really , don't sweat it as too likely..

SAme , as far as replies go , l've also heard over and over and noticed it myself 3/4 of people on them aren't even serious anyway , just on there for a bit of ego stroking so take it with a grain of salt really, not personally. Add scammers

Good luck anyway people/

rx

[SubduedBlues]

Hi Paul, Rx, BluBelle, et al,

Cool thread, thought I'd chuck in my two cents worth.

Over the past couple years, I've had a profile on POF, okcupid, tinder, etc., but all in all they were pretty much filled with what everyone expects... a whole lot of shallow, fake and uninteresting people who are so caught up with themselves there is absolutely no chance of meeting anyone worthwhile.

That said, however, I did find my current GF on a dating site. We met on one of those sites where both parties have to be paying members to receive/send messages. Honestly, where there is a lot of hesitance to want to not waste your money on something that is unlikely to bear fruit, these paid sites are the only sites worthwhile. Sure, I met a lot of toads, dogs and lemons, but I also met some of the most kindest, empathetic, and genuinely pleasing single people (who are actually looking for partners)... including the one whom I am quite smitten with

My advice for online dating:

1. Add a new photo every month, of you doing something fun. Or a selfie at something fun and exciting.
2. If you don't have 500+ words in your profile, you need to elaborate more on you.
3. Regularly update your profile on what you have just recently done, and date the entry. This shows that your profile is fresh, genuine, and worth paying attention to. People look at the same profiles again and again. If they never change, you're boring and uninteresting.
4. When talking about your ideal date, don't focus on what you'd like to find (that's too narrow of focus) ... instead list out the deal breakers and let the net catch everyone else.
5. Always read the profiles and make reference to these whenever you write to someone the first time.
   I once saw a profile where the person said she was looking for someone who could make her la and in another section that she disliked it when people made reference to the color blue. So I wrote, "So you don't like blue? How about I joke about it instead. Why is the sea blue? Because the island didn't wave back."
6. Pictures: always view their pictures, including the backgrounds.
   Often women use their bedroom or bathroom mirror to take a selfie. Ever notice the unkempt bed in the background, or the dirty clothes scattered across the floor.
7. Most importantly, state in your profile that you are not online that regularly. And then don't login to check your mail everyday. Skip the weekends. Being out there having fun, and post about it on your profile on Monday.

Best of luck
SB

[james1]

I also met my current girlfriend online.

SB, I thought you made a great point here:

Most importantly, state in your profile that you are not online that regularly. And then don't login to check your mail everyday. Skip the weekends. Being out there having fun, and post about it on your profile on Monday.

It can be so easy to get caught up in online dating that you stop having a life. Not only is this bad for your dating prospects, but online dating is exhausting and defeating. It's so easy to take rejections personally.

So yeah. Go for the long haul - there may not be anyone on the site just yet, but people are joining all the time so live a little, and check irregularly.