Online dating

[Lonely22]

Hey every1,

so recently I'm looking into online dating sites but keep hearing negative feedback, that these sites have terrible male female ratio (1f to 10m, rediculous right), that many come across nothing like how they convey themselves, that it's so difficult to maintain online chats let alone actually get a date out of any of it, that it's a waste of money/time.... I mean, what alternative do I have, I'm unsocial and social anxiety and useless conversationalist. Idk, I hate competition like this, in social circumstances, I don't compare to any1 else, I'm always last choice, if choice at all (I've only ever gotten rejected asking women out) so until sone1 proves to me otherwise, I'm not relationship material, so why bother.

[james1]

Hey lonely22,

i prefer okcupid because sometimes you see some relatively detailed bio's which i prefer, rather than just a photo and one line.

It took me a while, but I got used to rejection. it's bound to happen, and isn't about you personally. the way i think about it, there are so many females in the world, and truth be told, i wouldn't settle for anyone either. so we're all picky, and it's just about tryign to find someone who'd pick you too, and there will be many out there 🙂

James

[kanga_brumby]

Lonely22 Your not alone a lot of us have tried that line. Met some not meany of them truly represent themselves on both sides. You get put down by lots, rarely built up by some. Wast a lot of time and money.

Believe me when I say I met my dearly departed partner. ( mother to our 2 great kids) on internet dating. Unfortunately she got cancer and no longer with us. I still think it was a fluke. I am now a home body cannot get out to meet anywhere. So I feel for you.

May the Santa be with you.

Kanga

[Just Sara]

Hey again Lonely Guy;

There's been great replies here and one of the best was from you! You've told us more than I guess you may have expressed in your online profile. I said when you talked some about yourself, I'd reciprocate with my story. So here goes;

After coming out, and feeling like the proverbial virgin all over again, a friend on here advised to visit a Gay dating site. I registered and set about looking at profiles. OMG! There were private parts all over my screen and profiles so explicit, I was embarrassed to look. So I sat back disheartened and waited without any expectations of finding a decent person.

4 days after signing up, I received my one and only msg from a woman wanting to know more; that was quite a few weeks ago. We had our first date last weekend and were both blown away. Who would'a thunk? lol

We're already planning our next get together and looking forward to it so much.

The thing is, I only put a few lines about myself being intelligent, caring and new to coming out, and that I wanted someone intelligent, patient and caring who I could be myself around. Nestled among those inappropriate profiles was a beautiful woman who fit the bill perfectly. More than romantic, we clicked as friends too.

What I'm trying to say, is that you need to think about who you want to be in your life more than criticising yourself for not being enough. We're the one's investing our time and effort too yeah? Settling for just anyone wouldn't suit either would it?

Low self image will cause setbacks. In your next post, would you tell us some positives about you? If it's easier, just give one word descriptions. Call it practice if you like. I for one would really enjoy getting to know you better.

Warm thoughts...Sara xo

[geoff]

hi Lonely, one thing you have to realise is that if you go on an online dating late at night or early hours of the morning then the chance that any young beautiful ladies who are talking with you would be minimal. Geoff.

[BluBelle]

Oh wow, thank you so much for your kind words Sara. Getting such a warm welcome like that is the best feeling! I'm so glad you shared your story, and I love the suggestion of posting positives.

[Just Sara]

Hey BlueBelle;

You're so welcome hun! It's refreshing to read such great positive advice. We sorely need peep's like you to stick around and help out. And; when you need a hand, I'm more than happy to go the distance.

By the way, something you said did grind me a little. I hope you don't mind me saying as I'm a straight shooter. Please don't describe yourself as 'fat'. Beauty is a state of mind, and physical beauty is subjective. I find women who carry extra weight so attractive and soft; there are men who do too. Women aren't supposed to be muscle bound and 'firm'. Soft is sensual ok?

That's my rant for the day, I hope I wasn't disrespectful. You seem too nice to be putting yourself down.

Hey Lonely Guy;

I've seen your posts around the threads talking about self loathing and lack of confidence. Just remember, men like Stephen Hawking have beautiful partners who adore and love them to pieces. I don't hear people grumbling about his looks; it's irrelevant. Confidence is sexy!

Sara xo

[nowhereman]

Picture this...women on dating sites with a big profile sign saying " FEED ME!!" lol they just want thier entertainment side of life paid for. And free meals... not one of them can hold a two way conversation cause its all about them. No wonder thier still solo. Lol Max

[Lonely22]

Quiettall: thank you for the advice and personal experience, I've never heard of icq but I'll look into anything at this point. It isn't a focal point in my life, but maybe that IS the problem, not dedicating enough time to improving myself, seeking friends online, etc.

WK: congratulations! That's wonderful news. I was asked on Skype once but I'm too self conscious about my voice, I don't speak clearly and it's different speaking face to face (being introvert) as it is having time to think and respond to questions, etc.

James: thanks again! I've looked at okcupid before but didn't use. I like the idea of holding back information, bio details so making conversation online, potential date is easier. When I get rejected, I don't feel as bad as I do when I don't ask a girl out, I just need to have courage to do so, rejection I can almost deal with (to an extent) b/c at least the person knows how I feel about them. I also hate the idea of settling for just any1, part of reason I never pursued relationships growing up, now I just see them as missed opportunities to develop my relationship, confidence skills.

Kanga: I'm sorry to hear about your wife, now must be a difficult time for you so I pray for you. That's very kind of you to say, you know I haven't really used online dating often, but you're right, I need to lower expectations I have of everything happening straight away, but learning of how you met gives me hope. Being a homebody sucks, on the other hand I'm comfortable and content being alone at times, just getting tired of it ... May Santa be with you and your children also 😄

Geoff: that's very true, I can see why, but at the same time I wouldn't mind girls that prefer to stay home late night, like me, good advice.

Max: that can't be all women, haha, but I see your point. As long as they give me a chance, at the very least it's practice for dating right, worth the cost in my book!

[Lonely22]

BluBelle,

As Sara said, your post was really helpful to me, to anyone in this situation. I really like to know personal experience with this kind of thing. Objectively georgious women don't use online dating? Well that can't be true, you've used fur a few years! From what you describe it sounds like you get positive response to your profile, and it's a good way of looking at it, as if your profile is a CV, I just don't want to raise expectations too much, I don't want to disappoint if I have a date, b/c truth is I'm unconfident and have no friends... But first impressions are everything right, and like you say it's important to take care in sending messages, anything impersonal or short is just inconsiderate.

So what sort of dates do you go on for first times? Does guy suggest?

Look forward to hearing back from you

[Lonely22]

Sara,

thats great you could connect with someone so soon. I hope nothing too disturbing on those sites! It has to make you anxious being in that situation, a proverbial virgin again that is. Wish you nothing but the best.

You're right, I need to be kinder to myself. I'm in a captivity of negativity. And I'm probably thinking too much about what I want to receive from a relationship, as opposed to working on what I can give, I just don't feel like there's much I can offer (there I go again, self loathing)...

positives? A councillor made me do this years ago, let's see.. Well you know I have a few interests, apparently that's appealing, I'm of course kind, sensitive, caring, good physical condition, athletic I guess you'd say... But many women value communication with their partner higher than character, even appearance, of course not all women, this is a generalisation and something I read.

You know what, rejection is one thing, but I am so anxious about actually dating that i was relieved last time I was turned down, it's the social anxiety thing. That's probably a different thread.

I hope your new relationship works out!