The warmest of welcomes to you at such an intensely emotional and incredibly challenging time in your life.
With so many energies in motion or emotions within ourself all going on at once (ones we can feel), it can feel like we're being torn apart in a way. In another way, it can resemble the pain and push of being re-formed or reshaped into who we're going to be. The longing to simply become that person in an instant, without that painful process, can be immense. And when we lose our greatest guide and support when it comes to the many reformations we go through, the process can definitely feel lonely, overwhelming and even heartbreaking. With my mum having passed in May 2025, I can relate to the pain of having lost one of my greatest guides and most soulful supports. Btw, I've found a basic support does not compare to a truly soulful support. The latter goes so much deeper, especially at times when what we're facing can feel soul destroying.
As a 55yo gal, one of the greatest pieces of advice I've ever received is 'Find your circle, a circle of people who are going to support you and your development'. What areas we want or need to develop in will determine what that circle looks like (who are the people in it). If our only interest is in developing through a specific form of university education, that may involve a circle of uni students and teachers who relate to the subject/s we want to gain knowledge in. If it's only in the area of developing meditation practices, this may involve a meditation circle. A more complex circle involves a whole variety of needs and people. If we want to develop our sense of humour, our sense of soulfulness, our sense of physical wellbeing, our sense of money management, our sense of service to others etc, our circle will then involve someone with a sense of humour we thrive on, another person whose sense of soulfulness we thrive on, perhaps a personal trainer at the gym, someone who's brilliant with budgeting and maybe someone we actively meet with through some form of volunteering etc. A complex circle can take time to develop and it doesn't necessarily have to involve only people we meet in person. It can also involve guiding types of people on YouTube, certain authors who write in ways we can relate to and so on. For some, their circle may involve a psychologist if that's the type of person that fulfills their need/s or maybe a circle of supportive people on the forums here. I don't believe we humans are designed to go it alone. We can suffer through so much alone. A circle of people can lead us to not only suffer less but also better understand the nature of our sufferance and why we feel in the ways that we do.
I've found that with that sense of love we can either feel or not feel, a lot depends on who we're dealing with. I often used to think 'What's wrong with me? Why don't I feel loved by this person or that person?'. One day the revelation came to me, 'While they may love me in their own way, I can't relate to that way. It's not in my nature to feel loved in such a way'. I'm someone who experiences love through acts of service. 'Acts of service' is my love language. For example, I could be in the darkest place in my mind when my 20yo son leads me to laughter and how that feels and I will feel deeply loved by him. He consciously takes me out of that dark place. On the other hand, I don't feel love through my husband's reassurance 'You'll be okay' and him hugging me. Such reassurance may not serve me in any way that I can feel. Through my 23yo daughter's tough love approach, I feeling deeply loved by her at times when she says 'I can sense something's up. What's wrong? You're going to sit down NOW and we're going to work this out!'. Being of service to other is how I love people to life.
If your dad was anything like my mum, I imagine you would have felt loved by him through him having given you permission to be you, to feel in the ways you feel. There are definitely plenty of people out there who'll try and stop us from feeling in the ways we naturally do, so that they don't have to feel our discomfort. ❤️
