OCD and extreme Guilt over relationship breakup
I had a break up 6 months ago in which my ex who i thought was going to be the one broke up with me not because falling out of love but because she is young and wanted time to focus on her studies and discover herself. even recently still claiming she would like to reconcile but not sure when.
I am a professional gambler and make my from betting. She is against horse racing ethically so much so it makes her sick. I used to make money betting on horses but gave it away when we were together, as I value her so much. Once she broke up with me I started betting on racing again. My initial thinking was she did break up with me, I can do what I want and if we get back together in the future I would of course give it up. Recently I think because she was warming to me a little I started feeling extreme guilt and anxiety for what I had done. To the point where it was too unbearable I messaged her and told her. She has read my messages and not replied. Have I ruined all chances of reconciliation? did i do anything wrong? has my obsessions and compulsions put the final nail in the coffin? The entire situation makes me sick. I just want her to message me and tell me everything is ok, but its not happening and I would just like to put my mind to rest.
Hi tympie, welcome
I can see you are frustrated. You might need to develop a personal philosophy on potential partners.
The "ideal" partner in my view is one whereby you ate yourself, you are comfortable in her company and you tolerate your partners interests.
Some people like a vast array of interests that are controversial to some, duck shooting, fishing, political differences, discipline of children, etc. Two people might have these differences yet have a magic connection otherwise and that seems to be your situation. You might even be in love but it doesnt mean you are compatible and that where the problem simmers.
Its especially hard when you make a living from your interest.
In some cases you can compromise..eg you'll not gamble on hurdle racing. But my guess is she is adamant in the topic blanketed.
Do you think asking for a full clarification is a good idea.?
She replied. And said I didn't ruin anything. She said i shouldn't feel guilty, and maybe I shouldn't base my decisions off her values for now as we may need some space. My anxiety just spiked and I feared the absolute worst, which turned out to be not true at all. By the sounds of it she is fine with me betting on the horses now while we are separated yeah? For some reason I can't be sure thats what she meant, and I would still feel guilty I can see my OCD and anxiety is blinding me, and I am need reassurance.