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Not many friends and fear of losing the ones I have

maddie_faye
Community Member

So I only have two close friends, one who I’ve know my whole life but I rarely see her because she lives an hour away and has an inconsistent work schedule and the other one lives only 10 minutes away.

with the friend that lives 10 minutes away we were meant to be going out tomorrow for a drive which we were both looking forward to tomorrow and I even told my psychologist I was looking forward to this and her Mum (even tho she’s 20) rang my mum last night to tell her that she won’t be going because she doesn’t do well in the cold and isn’t really feeling well but is too scared to tell me. I was unaware of this as when I spoke to her about it she seemed quite excited, and this is something that does happen sometimes when I make plans with her she can’t go for whatever reason and when I spoke to my friend Today she told me that she can’t go because of family stuff.

now the reason why I’m worried about losing the only two close friends that I have is because according to my mum I can be quite selfish sometimes and not flexible when it comes to making plans which I guess would be my personality flaws. If I lost my friends that would devestate me and make my mental health even worse that what it actually is.

2 Replies 2

WaterFront
Community Member

Hi Maddie_faye,

I'm sorry to hear you are feeling this way and worrying about losing your close friendships. It sounds like your friend might be going through some stuff of her own. That's possible. It can be disappointing when you make plans with someone and then for whatever reasons, they can't make it. Maybe let your friend know you understand, ask what you can do to help and say 'Lets take a rain check for when you are feeling up to it'.

If you feel what your mother is saying is valid, then that's something you can work on and I'm sure your psychologist would have some strategies and exercises you could do to help with that. I could be wrong but I've always thought being flexible is a mindset rather than a personality trait. - something you can change. When these things happen, maybe stop, take a few breaths and try to look at things from the other persons perspective.

It's very clear that you value your friends greatly and I hope they understand that you do - I would let them know that it it were me.

I hope things work out for you. You sound like a caring person from your post.

WF

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello maddie_faye, you would think that if she was a close friend, then she would tell you why she couldn't go instead of getting her mother to tell yours, but then tell you it's because of 'family stuff,' I wonder what the truth is.

As we grow, we meet new people who become our friends, old friends may change their personality and don't align with us any more, so they drift away, but we also develop new interests, form different r/lationships, then perhaps marry, forming a family of our own which takes us in another direction, which may not suit our old friends who remain single, so you see life changes, one person walks out, another person replaces them.

I wouldn't worry too much, there will be other people you can form a friendship with and it just seems to happen.

Take care.

Geoff.