Medicine withdrawal

[Bridge678]

Hey guys, so a while go I posted about my husband cheating. And of course I think and think about it all the time. Anyway today I had a realisation. At the time when this happened he had gone off (against advice) his anxiety meds cold turkey. Thinking about when this affair happened I thought he was showing off which was really out of character for him, his behaviour was like he was buzzing a bit. I asked him today if that was when he came off his meds and he agreed I then asked him how he felt at the time of the affair and he said he didn’t feel himself and felt heightened. I suggested did you feel a bit invisable and he said yes a bit I guess and now I’m wondering if the sudden stopping off the meds and the excessive drinking which was done on this period of time has induced mania. There was a few random things he did over that few days that were out of character which I can’t say what as if anyone knows us on here they would work out who I am. I don’t know enough about it but what I’m reading so far it sure matches up. It still doesn’t excuse what happened but if this is a possibility it sure makes it a little easier to swallow. What do you guys think?

[smallwolf]

Hello.

From what I have read, my understanding is that your partner has gone off medication cold turkey and at another time had an affair?

And the question is whether his actions of going off the medication makes it easier to forgive (?) the affair?

This is not really a question that I can answer.

Whether I answer yes or no, you can easily refute my answer. Only you know the answer to your questions.

Can you forgive and move on with him? Or without him?

Is the going off medication an excuse for his behaviour?

There are many other questions that I havevandcat the same time wonder what you want to do?

It sounds like you care very much about him and these actions make you wonder if this is reciprocated. I know I would feel hurt but don't know how I would react.

[geoff]

Hello Bridge, if your husband stopped taking his medication, cold turkey, then a person would have to be able to cope with this in their own way, because some people could suffer from not taking it and that's probably why he used alcohol to counter this feeling.

Although I'm not a doctor to qualify this, but know that alcohol can be used in many different and difficult situations to counter a feeling that is unpleasant, such as the effects of going cold turkey and then performing 'out of character ' actions which would not normally happen.

This is no excuse for what he has done and it's not my right to say, but getting his doctor's advice of slowly reducing this medication would have been a better choice, rather than suddenly stopping.

This is a decision you need to make, I'm sorry, but perhaps he needs to talk with his doctor because there are a few issues here that need to be sorted out.

Please get back to us when you are available.

Geoff.

[Bridge678]

Sorry I don’t think you guys understood what I was saying. I was more saying he stopped the meds and I believe became somewhat manic, during this manic period had the affair. I was more wondering if anyone knew about medicine withdrawal having that effect. He was well aware he was supposed to slowly come of the meds and was coming off them under doctor advice he just didn’t realise the harm in going cold turkey (does now)

[Sophie_M]

Dear Bridge678,

We are pleased that you posted your findings about what was going on for your husband when things happened.

We know that society tells us we should end everything if our partner cheats. At the same time, we are told we should forgive, and we should think about what is best for the kids, if there are any, and what is best for our family.

What we know is that whatever you ultimately decide will be the right answer for you, and that is the most important thing for your life. And, after all, you are the only person who is living your life. So, you might try asking yourself:

Is my love for my partner strong enough that I can work through the pain of what happened and continue in our relationship?

We are here for you however you decide.

Warm regards,

Sophie M.
 

[geoff]

Hello Bridge, I appreciate what you have said, and when taking medication it tries to correct the lost chemicals in our mind and as soon as you stop taking it, like going cold turkey, the brain can't slowly adjust, it's an enormous change which we aren't capable of accepting, whereas reducing the dosage slowly, we can cope with the change, again I'm not a doctor, but have experienced this myself.

So this affects people in different ways if you stop cold turkey.

I also have to relate this when you stop alcohol, only a small group can go cold turkey, otherwise it can make you do things you wouldn't usually do.

Geoff.

[Bridge678]

Thanks Geoff, I feel like you understand my thinking right now which is comforting. We are doing ok, he’s working really hard to fix things and I think we will make it out the other side. We are both making changes in fact as we both realise we weren’t in a good place and need to work on that stuff. I think the meds withdrawal was just the straw that broke the camels back.

[smallwolf]

hi.

its good to hear that things sound like they are improving for you both. if you want to keep chatting we are here and I'm sorry I didn't understand your situation. Good luck to both of you.

[Juliet_84]

Hi Bridge678,

I think it’s human nature for us to try and find meaning in things to understand them. But do I think that withdrawal of anxiety medication caused your partner to become attracted to and cheat with another woman, personally no. I watch a lot of psychology channels out of interest and I remember a sex therapist saying that people have affairs for one of two reasons, because something is missing, either within themselves or within the relationship. A manic episode may have reduced his inhibitions somewhat and made it slightly more likely - but do you know whether he was in a manic episode before he had the affair? It is very common for a person whI remember seeing a post from a famous psychologist discussing the topic and she said that people tend to cheat for two reasons, something missing within the relationship or something missing within themselves. o is having an affair to be in a hyperaroused state or “buzzing” as you put it, similar to how we feel during the initial stages of a relationship. So be careful not to get the two confused. Have you been seeing a couples counselor to work through your issues?

[geoff]

Hello Bridge, thanks for getting back to us and do understand the predicament you are, and realise that the person he did have a r/lationship with, may no longer impress him, which is in your favour and the best part is that you are both making changes, an excellent point on your behalf because it mens you love him.

Well done.

Geoff.