FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

Announcement Icon
You can win one of three $200 gift cards. Complete our survey by 5pm, 30 June 2024 AEST to enter the draw. Your response will be anonymous so you can't be identified.

No faith in humanity

Lauz22
Community Member

Hi everyone,

I hate to say it but I can't help but to continuously lose faith in humanity.

The older I've gotten the worse I have seen what people are capable of. It's both very frustrating but heart breaking.
These are experiences I have are with friends and family where their behaviours are truly not acceptable. I am not sure if it's just my misfortune of surroundings or does anyone else feel the same about their family and friends?

I have a sister in law who blatantly refuses to allow us to visit her kids or makes an effort with my parents and I. She even went ahead with a christening without inviting myself and my parents and lied to about it.
I have friends who simply just stop talking to me even while I needed them most when I was going through my divorce.

I constantly feel like I am chasing my friends to like me or hang out with me and they never reciprocate.

I know most people do not behave so selfishly and dysfunctionally, which is why when I see good from humans, I am so appreciative and grateful. But there are just so many people in my life who are truly not kind humans, ones with dark souls and who unfortunately will never change and I am wondering if this is just my personal experience or common amongst everyone else's family and friends dynamic.

8 Replies 8

HappyHelper88
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hey Thank you for your post

i have felt like this sometimes too from a few people but then one good person changes that and reminds you that there are a few good people left......

My family and friends disappoint me all the time I just don't expect anything as I know its not personal....life is hard.

Im so sorry that you feel this way but have some faith there are still a few good ones left

To answer your question in my experience as well as what I know about the people closest to me this is more common then it should be

If you would like to talk to someone, the Beyond Blue Support Service is available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport 

Juliet_84
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Oh Lauz22,

I have felt this so much lately as well. I grew up with an abusive and controlling mother who made life difficult for no other reason that I could see other than she could. I was then in a domestic violence relationship for over a decade and was treated so badly and made to feel worthless. I pick up the newspaper and read about the horrible, selfish things we do to each other. And I see it in the street. I have had health struggles for most of my life and nearly lost my life after a serious medical incident. During that time my partners family barely reached out or cared and I have since learnt that my SIL has been questioning whether it was in fact real, despite medical tests, a week in hospital, months of rehab etc and now lifelong medication.

I have decided to cut her out of my life because that’s not someone I want near me. I have decided to be ruthless with who I allow into my life. It may mean that I have less people there but at least the ones I have will be good and these toxic people will not be taking up space. I have also decided to be the change that I want. So for me that it so be kind and caring, considerate and empathetic. There will always be those people who still decide to treat you like dirt but there are plenty of beautiful souls out their too. Please don’t let the bad prevent you from seeing the good.

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi Lauz

I grew up without a "people filter". That meaning I accepted all people were like me, kind, considerate and understanding. I had to learn the hard way and develop metaphors to clarify this in my own mind.

Please google

Beyondblue topic fortress of survival

Yhere is also part 2 and 3.

I'd be interested in your thoughts because I think you deserve a better quality of friends around you

TonyWK

Happy helper - it’s extremely disheartening when we have to endure disappointment from those who are supposed to be loved ones. I know there are many kind people out there but sometimes it’s concerning how it seems to be a rarity.

juliet - thanks for sharing your story. I’m sorry you’ve endured so much pain. I feel like I can relate with an abusive father and toxic marriage. My ex husbands family were also abusive towards me. When we divorced I was abused and no one from his side reached out. So I understand how it hurts when you are struggling and those who know you, then neglect you at your lowest.
I love your mindset of allowing only certain people in your life and being the change you want to see.

i try so hard to be a positive influence, reaching out to my friends, checking in but it turns into me pleasing others because I want to be loved by my friends and family and they just don’t reciprocate which hurts.

when I don’t reach out I hear nothing from no one…

Hi white knight,

Thanks for sharing.
I also grew up naive and assumed people were great or like myself who wanted to give.

I only recently discovered about myself that I have attachment issues where I have an emotional void and try to fill it by being loved by others. I give and please others because I want and expect that in return. Reality is, I never receive back.

Filtering and taking steps to asses if someone would be a good fit in my life is something I completely don’t do. I am naive and think if I’m over friendly and give to someone they’ll do the same!
I learnt there are so many selfish people who are happy to take everything from you.

which is why I’m a bit sad about humanity

Lauz22
Community Member

I am starting to realise that even family and friends don’t want to see you succeed or happy. Maybe not intentionally and more in a subconscious way.
But I have had many struggles for the past 2 years which I have worked really hard to overcome. It seems when good things happen in my life I sense a lot of jealousy from family and friends.

When I tell my friends I bought a house I got very strange reactions and people assume it’s ok to tear me down when I’m doing well which I’ve lost friendships over.
I understand it may trigger their insecurities.

But I’m starting to realise, when I’m struggling or when I’m achieving and doing well, my friends just don’t care.

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi again, thankyou for replying,

An old man once said to me "if you cant work out why people react without elation...they are likely jealous". And he was right. Therefore, it is much better to get close friends in your life that are there for you and are elated when good things happen to you!

The other thing I've picked up on if you dont mind, its something that was very much a flaw in myself, that is expectations of other people. In friendships and family relations we can have an imaginary weighing scale in our heads ... "I did this for him so I wonder when he will return the favour"? This is not realistic at all. I've changed my thinking processes on this about 10 years ago down to tokenism is acceptable. Eg I help a neighbour with fixing his lawn mower. If he merely offered to help my lift a carton one day I'll be most grateful. It is a far cry from my balancing mentality a long time ago.

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/the-weighing-scale-effect-on-fr...

I hope you benefit from that link and am interested in your comments.

TonyWK

Maddeline
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi Lauz22,

Thank you for your post and welcome to the chat.

I unfortunately can not completely relate to your situation.

From what you have said, I can understand why you view the world as a negative place. It saddens me that you are not as appreciated as you deserve. I am glad that you still have some faith in people and can see that there are good people in the world. I think you need to start surrounding yourself with people you truly feel good around. By removing the toxicity, maybe it will restore your ideas around peoples goodness.

Love to hear from you x