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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Guest_5236 trying saving 24 years, post infidelity.
  • replies: 3

My Wife & i have been together 24 yrs & married 20. we have 3 amazing children 16,14 & 12. all blissfully unaware of the torment im feeling. my wife (W) has been rock solid for all 24 yrs until recently, we both work,i myself do a standard 40 hr week... View more

My Wife & i have been together 24 yrs & married 20. we have 3 amazing children 16,14 & 12. all blissfully unaware of the torment im feeling. my wife (W) has been rock solid for all 24 yrs until recently, we both work,i myself do a standard 40 hr week & she works 3 days a week in the care industry, it is during this time that she has come into contact with a gentleman (AP) affair partner & formed an emotional & physical relationship together. 3 weeks ago i was away for the w/end catching up with a mate out west. i called home for the morning goss & my youngest answered i asked to speak with (W) & she said she wasn't home after dropping our eldest off to work @ 7am that morning, thats ok i rang her mobile had a chat & she said she was shopping for the kids & just browsing, i asked which shops & she struggled a little & i had a awful feeling, one think about have 3 teens is we all have find my phone & we are all aware of it. i checked it & it showed her at her work clients address i ask what she was doing at AP's but denied being there until i mentioned find my phone. so i asked to facetime her & she hung up on me, i tried to call a few time to no avail. i was 3 hrs drive away but heading back instead of the catchup. she called back apologetic say she didn't want me to be mad about visiting a client out of hrs, she had visited 2 weeks earlier but did tell me on her way out the do, which i was concerned for her job about. this guy was old & lonely. we are in our 40's he was late 60's to 70. Drank & smoked like crazy & was constantly lewd with his comments. 1 i was always cautious for her safety. anyway she smoothed me over on my drive home & spoke about the lie & deception long into the night. but resolved all the same. that was Sunday. she was rostered to attend to him twice that week & it felt like a normal week outside my discomfort about being lied to. on Friday her phone rang a mobile no. i picked it up off the bench but she wouldn't answer it while i was there just said it was a telemarketer. so i put down as soon as i did she picked it up & went to delete the number which i found odd, & from then on my world unfolded & sent me into an obis of hurt, pain, panic anxiousness & then emptiness over the next 4-5 day she held me in this world of Torment!

Craigoataway help
  • replies: 1

My parents are kicking me out of home by the end of this week and I don't have a place to go

My parents are kicking me out of home by the end of this week and I don't have a place to go

Jason_ Long term break finance numb with depression
  • replies: 1

Hi all needing help in this confusing time with my fiancee that feels numb and lost. Quickly we have been together for 13 years and have 2 children age 9 and 10. 3 weeks ago I caught her msging someone who turned out to be from another country and I ... View more

Hi all needing help in this confusing time with my fiancee that feels numb and lost. Quickly we have been together for 13 years and have 2 children age 9 and 10. 3 weeks ago I caught her msging someone who turned out to be from another country and I was told it meant nothing and was just someone to talk to. From there we have decided to take a break or break up, after she said she loves but doesn't love me anymore at that point. We fell into a rut for about 2 years with just a routine of work and raising kids and didnt have any fun time or alone time together. As to why I to was happy to have a break but now after a few weeks I have come to terms of all of my mistakes and there were alot from not helping around the house more etc. I have since told her all of these issues and she has said it meant alot to her to hear it from me. The problem is she is not one to communicate and always said she doesn't like other people knowing what's going on in her head. She is really lost atm and its confusing me one minute she can talk about working things out then the next just be completely shut off and just want to sleep. I moved out straight away but have since been coming back to look after kids to give her a break, cleaning the house, buying flowers taking her on dates or just getting her out of the house in general. Which has helped her but she quickly falls back into her depressive state of not looking after herself or doing anything at all. I dont know where to go from here im stuck I really love this girl and it hurts to see her like this but how do I communicate with someone that doesn't want to talk or doesn't know what to talk about herself? She was meant to see a therapist but cancelled the appointment, would it be wrong for me to book one for us to go to together?

Honeycat International love during a Pandemic: 2020's Romeo and Juliet
  • replies: 3

My partner and I havent seen each other for almost 300 days due to lockdowns. Im here in Australia, but he is in europe. Its taken a huge toll on my mental health. I can no longer watch the news without breaking down, and my dreams are now anxiety-dr... View more

My partner and I havent seen each other for almost 300 days due to lockdowns. Im here in Australia, but he is in europe. Its taken a huge toll on my mental health. I can no longer watch the news without breaking down, and my dreams are now anxiety-driven nightmares. My appetite has shrunk down to almost nothing, and im constantly on the mission to distract myself from thinking too much. Every time I see a happy couple, its another dagger in the chest because I am so overwhelmed with jealousy that they have their significant other phyiscally with them. The pain has severely damaged my social life, and now I barely leave my home without feeling panicked or lonely. There is very little support for long distance relationships impacted by Covid online, and I have very little information on when we will finally see each other again. Surely I cant be the only one feeling this constant pain? Is anyone else out there?

Katie1234 Family estrangement - Need advice on how to deal with it.
  • replies: 8

In a nutshell, I have always had a strained relationship with my sister and mother, we are just very different people with different values. I reported my sister to Child Protection over substance addiction, and a magistrate agreed her child was at r... View more

In a nutshell, I have always had a strained relationship with my sister and mother, we are just very different people with different values. I reported my sister to Child Protection over substance addiction, and a magistrate agreed her child was at risk in her care, now she has to be supervised with her child. My mother and sister are very upset about my report, saying I should have trusted them to deal with the substance use, though I know she had fallen off the wagon while pregnant multiple times. They are also upset I talked to Child Protection about her partner and concerns about things he said. It's a very long story but no one is doubting my report is accurate, they just think I should have kept quiet. Now my sister is refusing to ever see me or my family again unless I write her partners family a formal letter of apology and apologize to her. The problem is I don't feel I can do that. I am sorry for the situation her family is in and I hope it improves, but I feel I made the right decision in reporting and my report was completely honest so I'm not sorry I did it. Now my Mother has told me all family events are cancelled until I fix the situation with my sister, and she believes the onus is on me, not my sister, to fix our relationship. My father (divorced) and other sister both agree the situation is out of hand and that I should not need to apologize. So basically the whole family is going to pay for this. My other sister and dad will suffer for not being able to have whole family functions. My kids will suffer because they love their family and have no idea about the arguing (I'd like to leave them out of it). Mum and sister are upset my husband did not stop me from reporting and are now saying he is no longer welcome at family events, so they won't let him have Christmas with our children. I think this is toxic, and they are holding me to emotional ransom but If I don't play along, everyone else suffers. I just feel like I can't do this any more. I just want to cut ties completely, and after periods of non communication in the past my mental health has improved. But this is the easy, selfish way out for me, everyone else will pay for it. Has anyone else been through estrangement like this? Did you try family counseling? If so did it help? Any advice? I feel like a support group would really help me, does this exist for adult family estrangement? Thank-you for any advice or support people can offer.

Ally012 Emotionally Exhausted.
  • replies: 2

Hi Everyone, Thank-you for having me here. I hope that I can gain some insight on how to emotionally protect myself from this. First of all, it's one of those MIL treads...so if this isn't relevant or disinterests you, I'm warning you now. It's been ... View more

Hi Everyone, Thank-you for having me here. I hope that I can gain some insight on how to emotionally protect myself from this. First of all, it's one of those MIL treads...so if this isn't relevant or disinterests you, I'm warning you now. It's been a long and windy road. At first my MIL appeared to be the most kind, caring, compassionate, generous person who would go above and beyond for her family and friends with wanting nothing in return. My husband and I have been married for 8 months but her behaviour has dramatically accelerated since. Though I feel like there were always red flags along the way. E.g. When my husband and I met with our celebrant, my MIL attended our intimate meeting and sat on the same side as my husband and proceeded to give him a very long hug after we had finished as though it was her wedding. I noticed she would hug my husband for a long time in front of me. It never bothered me in the beginning, I respected the relationship they had. Fast forward, the month before our wedding my MIL rung up my husband about a potential house for sale 50 m down the road from her house. We live 4 hours away. I had my reservations but my husband insisted we do a walk through so we did. We decided it was not meant to be as the loan fell through and we weren't even looking...we were about to get married and had that to focus on. However, in that same week, MIL rang up my husband and said how great of a deal it was and that she had took out some of her super to help contribute a the remaining amount we couldn't get a lone for. I still had my reservations about the loan from MIL and suggested that my husband and I wait until we could afford something. She wouldn't let up and ended up convincing us that it was a no strings attached loan - but boy was I wrong! She completely took over the house. She painted it the colour she wanted, did the floors the way she wanted, re-done the kitchen in the way she wanted (at our expense) and told everyone she was the owner and that she had loaned us money for it. She would often call my husband up about it but not me. When I spoke to her about it and leaving things for us to decide as a couple, she was "respectful" and I thought she had listened. However, two days later she had done something else without our consent. I confronted her again and she said "I'm going to go ahead and do it anyway, so there's nothing you can do about it". That was one instance and I have ran out of characters for the rest.

Strong_guy Feel like leaving partner, sexual and intellectual problems.
  • replies: 23

so i have written and deleted this message like 5 times, it just goes for ever. short story, 2 years together, 6 month old son, feeling unattracted to partner who got fat and wont do anything about it, while im 26 and attractive and look like a fit g... View more

so i have written and deleted this message like 5 times, it just goes for ever. short story, 2 years together, 6 month old son, feeling unattracted to partner who got fat and wont do anything about it, while im 26 and attractive and look like a fit guy in the gym. sex life is broken havent had sex in like 12 months barely touched me. like 5 times if that. we dont kiss or hug and most of the time it feels forced. i just look around and see all the pretty healthy girls that are not 30kg heavier then me that i want to protect and go do fun things with, one that is smart and energetic and one that still has passion for me and herself. love my son and care about this chick but feel like i only live once and if i dont do anything about it i am wasting my life not being happy. even though leaving will be hard and painful for a short time, i feel like i need to get out and meet someone who is more like me, active in the mind and body, someone who reads books and has opinions on things and works towards goals ect. not just a fat netflix bad food binger who only ever talks about negative things like bad day at work, general running down people that you dont like stuff is all we can talk about. she acted like she was like me and put on a big show for me but then when we started dating and becoming offical it all went out the window. i dont want to hold her, kiss her, have sex with her and sacrifice my freedom for her anymore. i feel like theres so many girls all around this area that just make me really excited to look at, i see them playing sports and doing really well and being happy and fun and my girl is just giving up not interesting, and just puts her head in the sand. basically looking like im going to say i have had enough and dont think this is going to ever give me the same feeling as it did when we first started and just say ill always be there to support u and the son ect. but i need to go and do other things coz this is not working anymore.

gucia6 Cutting family "ties"
  • replies: 8

Hello Everyone, I have been recently struggling with contact with my parents. We never had a good relationship with them anyway. When I was a kid I avoided any close contact with them. I really cannot remember why though. I pretty much wanted to disa... View more

Hello Everyone, I have been recently struggling with contact with my parents. We never had a good relationship with them anyway. When I was a kid I avoided any close contact with them. I really cannot remember why though. I pretty much wanted to disappear, thinking nobody would probably even notice. The times when I had a partner my mum didn't approve were not better. Being called names, told I was unworthy and that no-one would want me anyway, and that I have to endure this relationship and take responsibility for my choices, and not breaking up with him when she told me to do so. I was just 16-17yo then. And I bloody believed in what she said, and sank deeper in the abuse that almost ended with taking and shortcut to end this misery. And my dad was just a physical figure avoiding any troubles, just sitting there, and letting my mum put me through the mud, stepping in only at the times when she was upset after our arguments, telling me that I should apologize, that she is worried about me. Since I had a break down couple of months ago, and I finally started understanding my issues and reasons for them, I have real difficulties to pick up the phone and chat with them. I am too angry, feeling too hurt, nauseous with the thought that I should respect them because they are my parents. (As a kid I sometimes hoped I was adopted) I'm sick when someone tells me, that they couldn't be so bad, that they tried to do their best to raise independent and responsible adult. But as a result there is an ungrateful and defected product they didn't wish for. Probably if I was physically and/or sexually abused, or there was alcohol and/or drugs involved it would feel more justified to just say 'Goodbye'. But after all, they provided for me, I had clean bed, roof over my head, 3 meals a day. Thanks to them I was able to learn music, and I am really grateful for that. But I just can't get myself to love them only for this. I only feel obligated to talk to them, because it is expected. But I always feel overwhelmed and hypervigilant around them, always having my own parenting judged, always walking on shells around my mother, to not upset her. I hate this feeling, that even though I am 36yo adult I still feel like unworthy little kid, that doesn't know her place and has no opinion. And the thought of cutting the contact completely gives me this feeling, that I am the bad daughter, when they did do much for me. And how come I am angry at them, when they worry so much. Regards G

Sophie225 Any advice around coping when unable to separate right now
  • replies: 3

Hi all, I am stuck in a situation where I am currently unable to leave my husband, as I have lost my job due to COVID-19 and have been struggling to find work. I have gone from a very good, well paid job, to now earning nothing. So I am stuck in an e... View more

Hi all, I am stuck in a situation where I am currently unable to leave my husband, as I have lost my job due to COVID-19 and have been struggling to find work. I have gone from a very good, well paid job, to now earning nothing. So I am stuck in an emotionally abusive and controlling relationship until I am able to find a full time job and support me and my kids (they're adults so I can't get any support from government), Some days I can put it to the back of my mind and try and remain optimistic, and some days I feel really down so applying for more jobs becomes even more of a struggle when I've already done over 100 applications. I am wondering if anyone has any suggestions for how to stay positive, and how to cope while I am stuck in this position? Or if anyone else has been in a similar position? (The atmosphere isn't great so I am constantly trying to keep the peace) Thanks in advance

Ijustwanttobeaccepted I feel alone.
  • replies: 1

Im feeling down most of the time. My mom is overbearing and tries to control me with my decisions even if im in my 30s. If she gives advice, you have to follow it or else she gives you cold shoulder. I want to live on my own but at the same time i fe... View more

Im feeling down most of the time. My mom is overbearing and tries to control me with my decisions even if im in my 30s. If she gives advice, you have to follow it or else she gives you cold shoulder. I want to live on my own but at the same time i feel i cant especially right now when families need to be together. At work, im good at what i do.. im not perfect but i know im reliable.. but people don’t appreciate what i do.. i feel some people dont think highly of me because my job is only admin. Sometimes when they talk to you it’s as if you are stupid. My friends always tease me... i can take teasing but i feel like im the only being teased or made fun of... all of these experiences make me lose hope and hate myself for not being a good person. I don’t think highly of myself and don’t believe in myself.