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Wife wants to separate without warning

Community Member
I am 38 years old and been with my wife since i was 19 and married for 12. We jave 3 kids together 15, 10 and 8. We have had our ups and downs over the years including her cheating on me with her boss 2 years ago. I forgave her and it has taken a long time to get over it and trust her again. With all the covid 19 and lockdowns last year she really didnt cope. She has had depression for the last 10 years and been on antidepressants since. She started a mental health plan 6 months ago but never went through with the sessions. At the time we were starting to drift apart and about 4 months ago we sat down and sorted all our problems and issues with eachother out. Since then i have done everything i could, helping out around the house more, being a better father etc and feel like i couldnt do any better. We have been getting on awesome, the sex was great and regular for a while then over the last 2 weeks she has just shutdone all her affection towards me but we are still getting on great and out and active with the kids. She has also met a new friend that is a bit younger then her that likes the night scene and is always getting her to go out with her while im at home with the kids. Ive been out once with her and really dont like her and think she is a bad influence. 2 days ago i get home to a letter saying she wants to seperate, that she still loves me but needs time to work on herself. She ends up telling the kids, gets them all upset and leaves saying she is going to stay at her friends house and we can do week on week off with the kids. Long story short i rang her later because i really wasnt coping and we are both just balling our eyes out and she ends up coming home that night. We have spoken a lot since and i have said ill do anything to get the help she needs and we have her booked in to see her doctor to start her on a mental health plan. I suffer from anxiety myself and dont really know where to go from here. My anxiety is though the roof. I really dont know what to do. I keep thinking what happens if she gets help and she still wants to leave. I feel so lost and empty.
2 Replies 2

Community Member

Hi Benny, please recall it’s early days so don’t make any rash decisions. Don’t play the victim, just find someone to confide in whether it be a true friend or therapist and concentrate on yourself first and foremost.

The 180 method has worked for me and I wished i employed it sooner. It brought me back my dignity and allows my wife and I to co-exist under the one roof despite not having spoken in more than 5 months.

I also have 3 kids and they know what’s going on but I do not speak poorly of their mother, I am spending more and more time with my children including one on one daddy daughter dates and find that they are much more settled now than when there was crying and shouting in the house.

take care of yourself


Thanks for your reply mate. Yeah i have my mum and best mate which has been great and work has organised me some counseling. I would never bad mouth her to the kids, the kids and her are my world. We will both just keep getting the help we both need and hopefully get through this. Thanks for your time appreciate it. Ben