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Coping with home while trying to cope with myself

Arabesque
Community Member

Hello everyone. I'm new here. I have PTSD, anxiety and depression.

My husband was diagnosed with advanced aggressive metastatic prostate cancer about 15 months ago. As part of the on-going management of the cancer he has been having hormone therapy to stop his testosterone feeding the cancer, which has effectively put him into menopause. His mood swings are dreadful. And it would seem that I am the only person that witnesses, and therefore has to live with them. I have talked to him about it, but I don't think he realises just quite how difficult it is to live with, or how much of an issue it is for me. He is very fragile himself, and I don't want to force this so that it becomes a major issue. I don't think either of us have the resilience to deal with that.

Anyway. I'm not looking for solutions, just wanted to share. Even just to hear people who have had the same experience would be wonderful.

4 Replies 4

james1
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hello Arabesque,

Welcome to the forums!

I'm sorry to hear about the struggles that both you and your husband are dealing with both individually, and as a couple. It's so tough to manage your own mental health, let alone when your partner's own issues get worse.

Unfortunately, it seems to be quite a common occurrence that when one person's individual mental health takes a dip, there's an effect on the relationship and it can all get quite overwhelming. It is really good that you've identified that neither of you probably has the resilience to deal with an issue in the relationship. We all have our good days and bad days, and some things are ideally dealt with when we feel stronger.

Still, it might be helpful to still have a way to let off some steam so I am glad that you've come here to tell us about it. Do you have any close friends or family, or even any health professionals you can also chat to?

James

Arabesque
Community Member

Hello James, and thanks for you reply.

I am having counselling for the anxiety and PTSD, though I have not been so happy recently with the psych, and I'm not sure that her approach is necessarily working for me. We seems to have wandered a long way sideways. I have mentioned the issue, but probably haven't shared quite how much it is affecting me. I do talk to my close friends, but probably not in a lot of detail.

I do feel a bit disloyal if I say anything. The man is fighting to live as long as he can, and the hormones are certainly helping with that. And when they stop working, that will be the end pretty much, I understand that he will deteriorate quickly. It's a real conundrum. I hate the treatment, but it's effectively keeping him alive.

I feel like I'm having to prioritise my mental health issues! Which makes me think now that I need to raise this with the psych and see if she responds and we can get back on track.

Thanks for listening.

james1
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hello Arabesque,

Sorry about the late reply. I've not been at home for the last 5 days.

That is a shame to hear that you feel like there's not really been much progress with your psych recently. It sounds like you've got a little bit of support from her and your friends, but perhaps not as much as you could be getting. I'm pleased to hear that you feel like it might be good to raise this with your psych, because while things are tricky with your husband, you could really use a solid support network for those days that are tougher.

I am really sad to hear about this conundrum with your husband. It really sounds like you're caught between two pretty difficult alternatives, and there's no clear answer. Hopefully it gets to a more stable and manageable state, but it seems like you've identified that prioritising your own mental health issues first is a good step. I think that is very reasonable to make sure you're feeling more resilient and supported, before dealing with his mood swings.

Do keep in touch here if you need to.

James

Arabesque
Community Member
Thanks James. I appreciate your response.