Being made to feel like I’m on a list
Struggles with my friendship:
He is the class clown, with depression, the nice guy. He has to literally show every single person he meets that he is nice. He asks the new kid:
”Have you eaten or drunk anything?” “You’ll do great here.” “What was your last school?”
“Yeah I was Physically abused at my old school.”
“I appreciate your existence.”
Every 5 seconds to me and other people.
Yet is one word answers in text. Leaves randomly.
“Says Mudcakes may be too young for this.”
In a chat with my Mum. He’s a year older in my class. I said how I’m 16 not 5 and then he says “Well I grew up with old cartoons and shows.” I then listed 20 I have watched, even older. Treats me like I’m 5 ever since I said I have social anxiety. Even thinks I know nothing about sex and thinks he has to explain obvious innuendos.
This girl who was basicly a toxic user/bully, who both separately treated us like trash he just lets back in. Is nice to her and expected me to hug him in front of her as she gave me a death stare. I feel like I’m just another on his list. He is kind to people to make himself feel better and it feels like he only cares when he needs validation he’s a nice person. He shows off all the time how he’s the nice guy. That’s not a nice person. I told him to have a few days off because he was being weird and I said just dont talk if you feel depressed, makes me feel not cared about with weird nothing answers. He then took 8 days off.
I’m kind because I care, sure being nice to someone makes you feel good but that’s not the reason I am. Its just my nature and I care. I just feel like I am an item on a list. Another person to use to be nice to when he feels bad about himself. Thats not genuine kindness. He actually calls me his bestfriend. Took him a whole day to say happy birthday to me at school when we had plans for my birthday after school. Too busy helping his friends and their crying. I legit thought he forgot about it. Then just joked and hung out with my mum as I sat feeling like I did not need to be there. Made to feel like the 6 year old at an adults party. On my 16th birthday. I also invited him to this free lgbt event my first one and he goes “if I change my mind I can just leave”. He was the first person other than my mum I had come out to and now does not care at all, this is my first and is a major deal for me. I told him a major personal story and 2 photos and he says “Aww cute.” That’s it.
After I waited 1 hour for a reply. I just😤 😫