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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Busymum Advice on my 12 year old girl who is being bullied....
  • replies: 6

I don't know if this is even the right place on the forum to be posting this but I really need some advice. My 12 year old girl is probably at the mental capacity of 10.5 both socially and academically. She has a mixed diagnosis of anxiety, speech de... View more

I don't know if this is even the right place on the forum to be posting this but I really need some advice. My 12 year old girl is probably at the mental capacity of 10.5 both socially and academically. She has a mixed diagnosis of anxiety, speech delay (understanding and processing) and probably a few other things going on. She appears normal and people don't really pick up on it. I'd describe her as socially awkward she talks too much and out of context. She can't really read social cues either so when kids are kind of indicating they want her to be quiet she doesn't get it. I would say that most kids her age find her "annoying". She has never said one nasty or mean thing to anyone and probably tires too hard (buying presents etc for people) so they like her. She loves dancing and acting and is in a competition group for dancing. The girls are awful and she comes out crying asking "why don't they want me". I am trying to so hard to teach her resilience rather than pull her out of the activity all together but its so hard and I'm finding it difficult to balance between "teaching resilience and looking after her mental health". The group of 5 girls literally walked away from her when she sat down with them saying "lets go" then left her by herself. I suffer anxiety, I was also bullied and I don't want her feeling this way - its awful Advice would be appreciated. I've told her that she doesn't have to continue in the competition class, but the thing is to be asked to be a part of this small group in this dance school was such a happy achievement for her.....

LonelyWife80 Relationship Failing - desperate for advice
  • replies: 5

Hi, My husband and I have been together for almost 20 years and in the past 5 years we have had more ups and downs than you can imagine. From emotional affairs, lying about alcohol and money, debt collectors turning up on the door step - you name it,... View more

Hi, My husband and I have been together for almost 20 years and in the past 5 years we have had more ups and downs than you can imagine. From emotional affairs, lying about alcohol and money, debt collectors turning up on the door step - you name it, he’s done it. About 6 months ago I found out he had kissed another woman - to me, that is cheating, he says it’s just a kiss. He was cold and distant for a few months before and I should have known something was going on. He didn’t come clean, I found messages from this married woman / they met on a “chat site”. On our wedding anniversary too - classy! I have been working on forgiveness because he said he wanted to make it work. I admit, I’ve been paranoid about his whereabouts and constantly ask where he is and who he is with, but it’s because I’m hanging on by a thread when he isn’t home. On the weekend we had a disagreement and he has told me he doesn’t love me at all, has no feelings for me and he was leaving me because he doesn’t want to try - he just wants an easy relationship and there is no attraction at all. I am beyond devastated. I love this man more than anything and I don’t know what I’ve done. He can’t communicate with me, he has anger issues, is an alcoholic and no friends to help him through. He says he hates coming home because of me. I am not perfect and I don’t profess to be, and I want to go back to how we used to be. We spoke last night and I stooped so low as to beg him to try and fix this, but I’m so scared he only agreed to shut me up and because he has nowhere to go. I don’t want him to be unhappy, I love him more than I should given everything that has happened. How do I make him want to love me again? Anyone had experience and know what I can do? I don’t want to admit it, but am I kidding myself that this is just another speed bump in the road that we can get over? After being together since we were 17, he is all I know and I feel like my insides are being torn apart by the second at the thought of losing him. He won’t do counseling - he thinks it’s a waste of money, and his family are no help. I want him to have a wonderful life so any advice on how to help him with his issues and to help me make him fall in love with me again would be helpful! thanks, from a ‘desperate fulltime working house wife’

Murmur Am I too ill to own a cat?
  • replies: 8

Hi all, new and very first post so bear with me. I adopted a sweet cat last October. I love him, but again, I've been crying all morning over him. Since the adoption I've been constantly anxious about him, I haven't had a decent night sleep since, an... View more

Hi all, new and very first post so bear with me. I adopted a sweet cat last October. I love him, but again, I've been crying all morning over him. Since the adoption I've been constantly anxious about him, I haven't had a decent night sleep since, and I often need to get out of the flat to be away from him because I feel suffocated by him. I live alone and thought his company would help. It does sometimes but... I have multiple health issues, including long term anxiety and depression, on top of a complex genetic disorder which causes chronic fatigue and pain, among other things. I just don't know if I can keep this up, my health is suffering but I feel so guilty for wanting to give up on the little guy. I swore I wouldn't be that person. I'm also on a disability pension and constantly worry I won't be able to help him if he needs veterinary attention. I also feel my mental health might be affecting him. I'm sorry for such a long first post, just a mess right now.

Redhuta Relationship Counselling ? Seeking advice and maybe sharing your experience?
  • replies: 19

Without having to recap my whole story my husband suffers depression/anxiety and its been an up and down 15 years. I love my husband however its not been an easy life at times. We did have a six month separation about one year ago and although we are... View more

Without having to recap my whole story my husband suffers depression/anxiety and its been an up and down 15 years. I love my husband however its not been an easy life at times. We did have a six month separation about one year ago and although we are now back together our problems keep arising about lack of intimacy/emotion towards me. Our daughters both suffer with anxiety and all three including my husband see their own psychiatrists. Its evident to bother dr’s treating our daughters that the lack of emotion towards me and the separation have impacted my daughters and may contribute somewhat to their anxiety. I have known this and I also have expressed this to my husband however it did take a professional to make he take finally realise its not me “nagging”. My husband likes to blame me and I understand that could be the depression but much to my surprise he has asked we get marriage counselling? I suspect his psychiatrist may have suggested this and I also add he is in the process of changing meds as the ones he has been on for the last 10 years are not what he should have been on according to this dr.This is a major move forward as over the years its always been me asking for help or to try and fix our problems. The children and life always taking priority over our relationships,so I am more that willing to give this a go and hopefully be able to communicate more effectively with my husband now that a professional is involved. We are looking at Relationships Australia? I do have my psychologist who I have been seeing on and off over the last 4 years to help me with the issues dealing with my husband and the effects its had on me, but also my two daughters and their anxiety. My husband does not want to go to him. Any advice would be greatly appericated.

Abstraction Ongoing platonic relationship within four days of ending the affair
  • replies: 2

Until four weeks ago I had an ideal marriage. We were deeply in love, fully open and honest with each other. She totally agrees with this assessment in counselling since the affair. She still loves me. My wife fell into an affair with a colleague at ... View more

Until four weeks ago I had an ideal marriage. We were deeply in love, fully open and honest with each other. She totally agrees with this assessment in counselling since the affair. She still loves me. My wife fell into an affair with a colleague at work - 'connection' => flirtation => and despite my warnings, stepping over the line. It has involved constant secret messaging in the mornings and into the night, probably all day at work, along with secret meeting up when she was out on 'errands', including kissing. She says they haven't slept together. She went from competely honest to lies and sneaking around. When I discovered it, bit by bit, she gave false assurances at each step, but she refused to stop even though I barely slept most nights and had been unable to work for 3 weeks. She insisted she still loved me. Eventually the other guy's wife fell pregnant so he ended it monday week ago. In trying to reconcile she made no effort on her side because she 'couldn't process it right now' so I agreed to go away last thursday for two weeks to give her space. On Friday, the very next day, he messaged her again. She told me this Saturday morning and said it was unwelcome and she wished he was out of his life. Yet she met up with him some hours later, an example of the kind of misleading she had done all along and how much power it has over her. I only discovered this on Sunday with a direct question from 130km away. I have her space to help us focus on our marriage and she is back to messaging and meeting up with him. She claims it is just a platonic friendship now (4 days after it was an affair), that they won't cross the line, and refuses to stop. She says if I love her I should be glad she has a wonderful connection with another person. When I asked if she had met up with him again she said she had on Sunday but that my fixating on him is not going to help (our marriage). She has constantly warned me that giving an ultimatum would make her want to go the other way. She is in counselling, does love me and doesn't want our marriage to end. She agreed to talk to the counsellor about this issue tonight. What do you think? Is she right that I'm overreacting by objecting to her refusal to stop the contact with this guy outside of work? I do know what I think, I think I know what most people think but I'm so alone in this. I just want to hear other views from any perspective including disagreement with me.

SESIAH I don’t know what to do...
  • replies: 4

The past few months I have been experiencing high stress, worry, insomnia, depression and anxiety from a number of things. A marriage that i feel stuck in, financial stress, miscarriage, family problems, things are piling on top and I just can’t seem... View more

The past few months I have been experiencing high stress, worry, insomnia, depression and anxiety from a number of things. A marriage that i feel stuck in, financial stress, miscarriage, family problems, things are piling on top and I just can’t seem to see the other side. It feels as though it’s just hit after hit. I have zero support and I feel like I’m dumping my negative thoughts on my children. This weekend gone by seems to have triggered me to have some sort of mental break down. I haven’t been sleeping well since and today I found myself mentally falling down. I cried in the car on the way home, I’ve lost relationships with my family today. I feel so used and mistreated. I feel worthless like I don’t understand why it feels like I’m supposed to care about everyone around me but no one seems to care about me? My husband has convinced me to reach out to a dr but my drs practice doesn’t offer anyone in mental health problems. I’ve contacted my boss who has helped me find our work help for mental health and this is one of the links they sent so I’m starting here. I have looked at the “press to talk to a mental health nurse” button in the online chat for the past 20 minutes, I can’t do it. What if they think my problems aren’t worth their help? i feel so stuck. I’m usually the happiest person but month after month I’m being dragged down. I’m usually so good at hiding it but I can’t anymore. I don’t like feeling like this and I just wish I could run away with my kids and start all over again.

Andrew-n Gday everyone.
  • replies: 13

Married (10 years) 4 kids....... Wife has cheated before. (i never have) Never got over it. 7 years later still kills me inside. Think wife is cheating on me again. Signs signs signs everywhere or maybe its all in my head? At this point i no longer a... View more

Married (10 years) 4 kids....... Wife has cheated before. (i never have) Never got over it. 7 years later still kills me inside. Think wife is cheating on me again. Signs signs signs everywhere or maybe its all in my head? At this point i no longer actually know. Not many mates or family.... Just the family i built so find myself looking online! Thats just how shit my life has got. (No offence, i understand the online community can help but i just feel so low.) Dunno.. looking for support or just a place to vent. Feel like a coward and weak posting this. Andrew.

bubbles85 Still in love with my ex who suffers from depression
  • replies: 15

My (f35) boyfriend (m29) ended our 8 month relationship about 2 months ago due to his depression. He was in a dark place and said he needed to work through it on his own. He had told me during the relationship about the fact he suffered from depressi... View more

My (f35) boyfriend (m29) ended our 8 month relationship about 2 months ago due to his depression. He was in a dark place and said he needed to work through it on his own. He had told me during the relationship about the fact he suffered from depression, but felt he wasn't strong enough to tell me his whole history with it. I never pushed and let him reveal things slowly as he felt comfortable. Everything in the relationship seemed to fall apart in only a 2 week span from the time I could see he was struggling to when he ended things. Over the last couple of months we still have been speaking sporadically and we work for the same company so I do still see him daily even if we do not speak. I've been really struggling with the break up as I am still in love with him. The time and space has done nothing to dull these feelings. We fell hard and fast into the relationship, it was my first major relationship and his first since the first time he was in a serious depressive state. I know he is in treatment and seems to have his good days and bad from what I can see when I see him around work. I really want to tell him about how I feel but I am terrified of being rejected again. I feel like I am currently in limbo because I don't want to be putting any pressure on him while he is still unwell, but my feelings for him are still so strong. I'm looking for advise on how to navigate this.

WeAllNeedHelp Wanting to Leave my Parnter - But how?
  • replies: 6

Hi all. To get the the point, I want to leave my partner. So much is going through my mind. How? When? Basically, Right now he doesn't have a job, he has no income, and he's using his saving to assist in bills, but I'm on my last thread. I'm beyond t... View more

Hi all. To get the the point, I want to leave my partner. So much is going through my mind. How? When? Basically, Right now he doesn't have a job, he has no income, and he's using his saving to assist in bills, but I'm on my last thread. I'm beyond trying to fix the relationship. he doesn't know how I feel. I feel so guilty for the breakup to come which leaves him with no where to go. the lease for the unit we're living in is under my name. I have places i could stay while he tries to find somewhere, but how is he supposed to? Feel like such a bad person, yet i need to be happy. he's holding me back and i want to spread my wings and go places. we lliterally do nothing together, its just say to say life.