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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Mr_E Complex Situation with my family
  • replies: 14

1. I have obscured detail to protect the innocent and cause no harm. 2. I would like advice, different perspectives, and help. 3. I have support of my closest friend, who thinks the same as me. Good support, but a similar perspective. The situation: ... View more

1. I have obscured detail to protect the innocent and cause no harm. 2. I would like advice, different perspectives, and help. 3. I have support of my closest friend, who thinks the same as me. Good support, but a similar perspective. The situation: Several years ago, my sister In-law married a man who is a convicted child molester. At the time, my wife and I disowned and disconnected with them, it was a tough decision as my wife and her sister were extremely close but with children of our own we felt it was the best option. After a few years, my sister in-law had a child with this man. After a few more years my sister in-law was diagnosed with a rare genetic condition and given 12 months to live, at this time my wife reconnected with her sister. We agreed that our children would never set foot in their house, and if the sister in-law wanted to meet at our house, we would support that so that we could spend what little time we had together. Recently my sister in-law died, leaving everyone understandably devastated, and one of her wishes was that my wife remains close to her child. This means we now need to interact directly with the convicted child molester. Our children still will not set foot in his house, but now he will drop their child at our house, this disgusts me. He makes my blood boil, I do not want him anywhere near my family, including my wife. I do not trust this man at all, and I have no reason to believe he won’t reoffend. I cannot talk to my wife about this yet, as the pain of recently losing her sister is still too much. Ultimately, I am concerned for their child as well, but I have only spent a handful of hours with the child. How do I move forward? I fear that the on-going interaction with my wife and this man will result in her letting her guard down. I do not want my family to interact with him. I love my Wife so much and I do not want this to break us apart. She has already helped look after the child several times, sometimes at their house and sometimes the child has come to our house. It's driving me insane; I am repulsed on so many levels - but I understand why she needs to do it. To help understand my perspective, I lost a close friend after they were a victim of child molestation - To me, this is the worst crime anyone can commit. I feel like there is no way out of this situation. Could we get custody of the child (is that even possible?). Should I try convince my wife to completely disconnect? I need some help.

Russell0214 I Miss my Wife
  • replies: 5

Me and my wife have just recently separated we have been married for a little over a year now but been together for close to 11 years. After being together for about 6 years my brother moved in with and my girlfriend. Due to me investing so much time... View more

Me and my wife have just recently separated we have been married for a little over a year now but been together for close to 11 years. After being together for about 6 years my brother moved in with and my girlfriend. Due to me investing so much time in work and not being apart of home life anymore my wife and I decided to separate. Shortly after me leaving my girlfriend formed a relationship with my brother. This continued on for about 6 months. During this 6 months my girlfriend fell pregnant to my brother but decided that its not something she wants to go through with and terminated the child and the relationship. Over the next few months we decided that we were going to give it another shot so we started couples counseling. After about 2 years, after the situation she fell pregnant to my 3 childshortly after that we got married. I still carry a lot of insecurities from those times. I find it hard to listen to certain music ( matchbox 20, my brother absolute favorite band as it used to be playing in my house all the time during their relationship ). Also I suffer from nightmare almost flashbacks from what was seen and heard during that time. This is the reason why my wife has left this time she says I am controlling because she feels like she has to censor what she watches or listens to as it upsets me. 2 days before my wife left me I found out that she has been snapchatting a male friend and she said this has been going on for a few weeks now they talk everyday. This is he first time I have heard about this bloke so I questioned her about it and this made her more angry saying the only reason why its an issue is because he is a male and that it is just a friend. 2 days before wife left me she said she has been unhappy for a round 6 months now, in this time we have gone on family holidays romantic getaways with just us and nothing has been said to me about her being unhappy in anyway I honestly thought the last 6 months was one of the most happiest times in our relationship. When we are alone its like nothing has ever changed we hug we kiss we sleep together. Ive asked her on many occasion why can it happen behind closed doors but not in public. Throughout this 2weeks I have asked her many times if things can be fixed her response is I don't know yet I need time to think. I am finding it so hard to process all of this with the affection behind closed doors to the continuing every single day snapchatting relationship with this bloke.

Mr_A Don't feel like I fit in.
  • replies: 4

Honestly don't know where to start or how to express what I'm feeling. I've lived a reserved life for most of my adulthood. I am currently 28yo. I feel like I don't fit in anymore with the crowd of people, especially my age. I never had a social medi... View more

Honestly don't know where to start or how to express what I'm feeling. I've lived a reserved life for most of my adulthood. I am currently 28yo. I feel like I don't fit in anymore with the crowd of people, especially my age. I never had a social media account because I didn't want to be part of it. When I grew up I was suppressed of technology so I was always that kid who didn't get to chat online with friends or have an Xbox to play with, I was considered a boring person and was very isolated. My parents were very strict with homework and told me to play outside and don't come home until lunch or dinner on weekends. At school I was bullied a lot and suffered strong anxiety issues from my mid teens especially. My group of friends would talk about what was happening online after school and I couldn't be part of the conversation since I wasn't apart of it and if I tried they would say stuff like "you're not part of it so what do you know?" And question why I was never online to be in that social circle. The friends at the time even considered me a loser for not having the technology like a phone or been a part of that crowed of people. Fast forward towards my late teens, I ended up fitting into the wrong crowed of people who engaged in drugs and alcohol. This affected me because I learned to socialise using drugs and alcohol. These people used me because I was too kind, I would give them stuff like money and shouted them drugs and bought the alcohol. When I realised what was happening they quickly disappeared from my life and I was alone again, except this time with a drug and alcohol addiction. I ended up deleting my social media accounts because 1: I never used it and 2: I had no reason to use it nor that I had any friends or had any interest in it. Overtime in my 20s I've just become so isolated. The few "friends" I have don't support me, my dad passed away and the only family I have are really harsh on me. I try to quit drinking and smoking but it's hard because I live in a culture that encourages drinking, drugs etc to have a good time. When I'm living a sobriety life the people my age think I'm weird which causes more anxiety and as a result I turn to alcohol and smoking weed to numb those emotions out. In the end of this post, I can only say is I'm struggling to live a life where I feel the community has become a narcissistic environment and I can't afford to destroy my health solely for the reason of fitting in. Wish I was born on a different planet.

Briiaann where to from here and what does all this mean
  • replies: 8

We are together 12 years have 2 kids, 10 and 12 and everything has been going fine up until she started working for a new place which was brought out by new company, (new staff and owners, most of old staff was made redundant but her) after that some... View more

We are together 12 years have 2 kids, 10 and 12 and everything has been going fine up until she started working for a new place which was brought out by new company, (new staff and owners, most of old staff was made redundant but her) after that some changes have happened which I was not aware up until now. After new owners started she has been talking about her boss a lot and how he asked her who he should make redundant and some business aspects, again never thought much of this. Did notice she would take her phone everywhere with her and she was very guarded of it, I asked her few times if everything is ok, even once if I can have a look at her phone as I feel uncomfortable about situation and I feel something is going on to which she said she will let me see her phone when I don't ask that way and when she is ready.... she was never ready. There also was one conversation we had where she said she wants a fancy car 80-90k and another house and me as a husband have to provide this as she is tired of working 5 days a week and needs to be spoilt. Also these items will not be a combined effort but I have to do all this on my own terms for family and her. Week later I went to see my friend which lives close to her work and after that I was going to surprise her with flowers at work, she usually stays late so I had plenty of time but as I was walking towards her workplace I seen her drive off at 5:30, she didn't see me as I was a little away, so I called her and phone rang out once and then second time it was switched off until 7:15(tried calling multiple times) when she called and said she at shops getting some things, before I even got to tell her about flowers she said she had to stay back till late even tho I seen she didn't, having asked few times response was I stayed till late at work had to finish something. Once she was home I confronted her and she said no way I was there till lave and did not want to admit that she left her work on time. I love her and our family and care for her but I'm afraid all signs lead to her being unfaithfully with someone else from work. My gut feeling tells me something is up and it has to do with work and its making me feel very uncomfortable and don't know what to do, have tried speaking to her number of times with no progress on anything she either shuts down or gets angry at me, I suggested marriage counseling and she doesn't want to hear about it.

moirae always crying on my bday?
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone I'm really new here and I've been scouring the internet trying to find out if anybody else feels like this on their birthday: every year for the last 6 years I have been disappointed with the way my parents act on whats apparently meant t... View more

Hi everyone I'm really new here and I've been scouring the internet trying to find out if anybody else feels like this on their birthday: every year for the last 6 years I have been disappointed with the way my parents act on whats apparently meant to be my one special day. Whether they fight with each other till the point where the convo gets to their divorce. they won't ever do it I know bc of 'shame' but I always end up stressed and crying while blowing out my candles. Then I can't help but compare my birthdays with my friend's who always have the best surprises and the love from their parents... Hell I don't get a card, forget gifts. Then I feel like I don't appreciate them enough, my mum always is telling me I'm not. I'm not asking for expensive gifts or even anything, but I just want to be appreciated for once and not forgotten about? Am I just taking things for granted? God I feel so dumb right now.

_the_mandalorian_ My unopened letter to my dad
  • replies: 4

Just so you know I’m over it. I don’t care any more. This letter is just me getting out of my system what I want to say. Feel free to ignore this, it is what you have done for nearly everything involved with me. I’m completely fine am I’m at peace wi... View more

Just so you know I’m over it. I don’t care any more. This letter is just me getting out of my system what I want to say. Feel free to ignore this, it is what you have done for nearly everything involved with me. I’m completely fine am I’m at peace with who I am. I don’t need your approval, let alone any attempts at redemption. We lived in the same house for 26 years. That is quite a long time and yet it seems like you barely know me. I’m 37 now. I’m still here. Some of the things you have completely ignored include: I am on the spectrum Not being able to talk properly Terrible bullying when I started high school I had depression for a good 5 years until I was 23 I have been taking anti depressants for the last 14 years I just want you to know apologise for absolutely nothing. I don’t apologise for not being able to ride a bike until I was ten. I don’t apologise for not getting a single touch of the ball when you made me play AFL. I don’t apologise for having no interest in cars. I don’t apologise for not being able to use a hammer to fix a door. I don’t apologise for never being interested in trucks or being a handyman or running a small business. And likewise all my successes the only people that deserves any thanks is mum and myself. So thanks mum (and me) for giving me emotional support to get through school and university. I got all of those jobs all by myself. I’ve taught myself so many things, some of them came natural to most people, some of them people would never have the resilience. I have everything I need to be happy, I just had to look in places that to an outsider seem pretty depressing. But I don’t care. The substitutes I’ve utilised for myself wouldn’t be much for most people but I’m so grateful for them. In fact I’m impressed with myself for being so resourceful. So how did I substitute the complete lack of a male role model? I read books (a lot of books) on the subject. I wouldn’t have spent more than $500 on them but I learnt more from reading those books that I have from you in 37 years. I learnt about relationships I learnt about being resilient I learnt how to pick myself up after disappointments I learnt how to interact and make friends I learnt how to get jobs (good jobs) I learnt how to do investments I learnt than no one in this world will ever help me But none of things I have achieved all by myself mean nothing to you. You just see me as someone who can’t fix a door and can’t get a kick of the football.

Surfer_mum Caught in the middle
  • replies: 9

My family has not been the warmest or most welcoming people towards my husband ever since we got married 12 years ago. Interactions have been occasional which suited everyone fine but since we've kids (2 year old twins) we are seeing more of each oth... View more

My family has not been the warmest or most welcoming people towards my husband ever since we got married 12 years ago. Interactions have been occasional which suited everyone fine but since we've kids (2 year old twins) we are seeing more of each other. My husband has had enough of my family disrespecting him and want nothing to do with them now which is fine with me. I still have a good relationship with them and see them occasionally. However, my husband has stated that I am not allowed to take our daughters over to see my parents. He has multiple reasons for this. • He does not want our girls being around people that disrespect him/their dad • He feels my family will 'get their way' - they get to see me and their grandkids without their son-in-law • He feels my family does not deserve to spend time with our girls Does this sound reasonable or have I been too heavily influenced? I want to prioritise my husband and marriage but I am constantly sad and teary. Please help me.

Stuckinmud Boyfriend always sides with his family, making me feel like I'm bad
  • replies: 2

I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years. Every aspect of our relationship is great. He is king, loving, considerate, etc etc UNTIL it comes to anything to do with his family. I recently left the family group chat because I made a light hearted joke a... View more

I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years. Every aspect of our relationship is great. He is king, loving, considerate, etc etc UNTIL it comes to anything to do with his family. I recently left the family group chat because I made a light hearted joke and my boyfriend told me off, saying that it might offend his youngest sister. This sister has been the reason for a lot of tension between him and I, because this sister is a drama queen and quite immature. So, after he told me off for making a joke, that by the way, didn't offend her, I decided to remove myself from the group. I don't want to be treated like that again. We're now talking about Christmas dinner with his family, and he says we shouldn't make the biscuits we were planning on making because the family have made all these other desserts. I say that I hope there's some actual dinner food (because I can't eat many sweets due to stomach discomfort) He shoots back and says yes there will be dinner stuff there, and not to make a big fuss about it. I never make a fuss in front of his family, but his telling me that I'm making drama for them when I don't feel that I am, makes me feel horrid. I just want to crawl up into a ball and cry. It also makes me question myself as well. I am really that much of an awful person? That's the latest that has happened, but so many times in the past we've had similar situations like this happen. Please give me some advice as to what to do. I feel like I'm the enemy

Greygrey Cannot cope, need help
  • replies: 2

I've felt like I haven't been coping for years. My partner is physically disabled with chronic fatigue and mental health issues, and I myself have several mental health issues and an aching body. While it feels like a stupidly small issue, the fact t... View more

I've felt like I haven't been coping for years. My partner is physically disabled with chronic fatigue and mental health issues, and I myself have several mental health issues and an aching body. While it feels like a stupidly small issue, the fact that they're never able to keep up with chores and helping keep a home is difficult. They were never taught how to do much before they left their abusive home, and I did my best to help... But they never tried to learn themselves and it quickly became a stressor for us. Its years later now and still an issue. We used to have set chores, and I mostly had the more physically demanding ones.. but that hasn't worked. Recently we changed to a daily assigned system, where we'd see what needs to get done and decide, based on our spoons, what we can get done. In theory it's great. I made magnets for the chores and drew up a whiteboard which is on the fridge. It's really the first idea we've had to cope that my partner has been okay with and helped come up with. But it's been weeks again since they've been able to keep up. Multiple times I've cleaned the kitchen for them and done the dishes to try and help them get back on track. (This has happened a lot in the past, too. Often before inspections as well, the few days before will be me rushing around to finish everything.) They didn't get back on track. Then their family dog died which, was understandably difficult. And their visit to their family to see his grave ended badly. I understand they're going through a hard time. But this happens normally, a lot. And it's been a few weeks now of me trying to do all the chores except the kitchen/dishes and cooking so they only have to focus on the kitchen. I'm exhausted. I want to cry. I'm so sorry and burned out and I don't know what else to do. They'd told me they could have it done by last weekend. Now it's by this weekend. I beg them to tell me if they can't cope so I can plan my own spoons but they're afraid to disappoint me so they avoid talking to me. They've also not been on their medication because it was making them feel sick (normal for 1 week when starting) and disturbing their sleep (something else that balances out). I don't know what to do. I've practically begged for couples counselling. I've broken down sobbing so many times. I just want the space to cope with my own issues and do what I need/want to do during the day.

Wa_Wa Speaking up about bullying caused me to lose my job
  • replies: 3

I spoke out about bullying towards members in my team from another manager. As a result my whole team and I were finished up 6 months earlier in our contract. I protected my team from a lot from the toxic culture in the workplace. As a result it has ... View more

I spoke out about bullying towards members in my team from another manager. As a result my whole team and I were finished up 6 months earlier in our contract. I protected my team from a lot from the toxic culture in the workplace. As a result it has worn me down. Then to add to it my partner said I need to put my family first in the future and not speak up. This has made me feel like a failure at work and at home. I don't know what to do!