Relationship and family issues

Anything to do with managing relationships and family, including parenting, separation, loneliness, divorce, family and friendships.

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

Overitt how long for a broken heart to heal
  • replies: 4

my one and only man in my life who been with for 14 years married for 11 he was my first, we have 4 kids together still young, and he decided he isn't happy anymore doesn't love me and is leaving, im heartbroken, I have plenty of support people aroun... View more

my one and only man in my life who been with for 14 years married for 11 he was my first, we have 4 kids together still young, and he decided he isn't happy anymore doesn't love me and is leaving, im heartbroken, I have plenty of support people around me family ect but I just cant stop crying im devastated, I love him so so much it hurts, I put on a fake front for my kids as we agreed to sit with them and talk to them I never want them to see me fall but im absolutely falling apart, how long will this be and I know time will heal but im just so lost

Jrc2021 He said he loved me but still left
  • replies: 1

My boyfriend of almost 2 years said he felt like he won the lotto with me and I was the only one for him. I believed him. He was struggling with depression being cooped up in our small town and so I suggested he get a job in a bigger town for a few m... View more

My boyfriend of almost 2 years said he felt like he won the lotto with me and I was the only one for him. I believed him. He was struggling with depression being cooped up in our small town and so I suggested he get a job in a bigger town for a few months. A month after he left he spoke about wanting to travel and work and that he was the happiest he’s ever been without me so we decided to break up. I’m devastated and hurt, how do I get through this?

Amore84 Depression, son with disabilities
  • replies: 6

Hi My son is 3 and has disabilities. There is no diagnosis for him & we don't know if he will ever walk or talk. I never knew there were so many ways to have your heart broken. It's particularly hard when we see him with other 3 year olds & see how d... View more

Hi My son is 3 and has disabilities. There is no diagnosis for him & we don't know if he will ever walk or talk. I never knew there were so many ways to have your heart broken. It's particularly hard when we see him with other 3 year olds & see how different he is. I love him with all of my heart but my heart is equally broken. I try to stay enlightened, he is happy & healthy otherwise. All the Drs know is that he had hypomylination but they can't find a disease that caused it. He improves each day & we are hopeful. Anyway I just wanted to share that I have this sinking feeling every day. I've never had depression before. But it seems like this is it. Its just this sinking feeling that never goes away. Its there when I wake up and all day. I used to wake up with excited butterflies if I had a fun day planned. Now I wake up and have to look through the sinking feeling to conceptualise the day ahead but I don't feel the excitement and life force I used to feel. I feel like im faking happiness when I interact with people they way they expect, a way that reflects my bubbly personality. But I don't feel how I'm acting. The uncertainty & grief for the life we thought we would have weighs heavy. The worry that our beautiful darling won't ever be able to walk to the water at the beach or know what its like to have a friend breaks my heart. This is my story.

Bowie111319 How do I keep going?!
  • replies: 7

Hi This is a first for me so please bare with me... I am a 38yo mum of 3 kids aged 9, 6 & 18mths, my kids mean the absolute world to me and my whole life revolves around them. I love being a mum! My husband and I have been married 12yrs but honestly ... View more

Hi This is a first for me so please bare with me... I am a 38yo mum of 3 kids aged 9, 6 & 18mths, my kids mean the absolute world to me and my whole life revolves around them. I love being a mum! My husband and I have been married 12yrs but honestly since I gave birth to my first I have literally done everything for the kids on my own. We have always had family of both sides close by but never a helping hand from anyone. Lately my marriage has gotten to a place where all I’m doing is screaming and yelling on a daily basis, add to that begging for help & conversation from my husband, but he doesn’t want a bar of it...so I thought to post here hoping someone can help. I am past sad and just constantly furious and in the last 2years my anxiety has increased tremendously. My husband doesn’t help me physically or emotionally, it started when our first 2 kids were little but because I was so busy I didn’t pull him up about why he was never present, I just went about everyday raising, playing, teaching, entertaining & caring for our kids, on top of that I have always made myself available to my husband, family & friends. The day I gave birth to my first I gave up absolutely everything to be a mum so in the last 9yrs I haven’t had any “me” time. I have over the years tried to explain how lonely & sad I am but he just looks at me blankly with no comment or just makes a joke of it. Everyone has always thought highly of him and I’ve always been labeled the “ball breaker”, not sure why as I’ve done everything for our family in the best way possible. No one knows the rubbish my husband has put me through or how poorly he treats me, however like a good wife I have always had his back & kept my mouth shut. He knows I’ve cried myself to sleep many many times but he doesn’t seem to care. I can bring up my feelings about something many times but I get nothing back, even a daily conversation from him is hard. I’ve noticed now that the kids don’t have much respect for him and they come to me for EVERYTHING, he says that makes him sad but I don’t see him doing anything to make this better. Some might say he’s had it too good for so long and it’s hard for him to change. I’ve come to a point now where I’m constantly miserable and the kids can see it. I don’t think there’s any getting through to him as he thinks old fashioned & jokes that women should keep their mouths shut, funny as he was not raised with that thinking. I can’t keep going like this. I don’t know what to do.

Rk2020 Need clarity of my situation
  • replies: 2

Hi I have never posted anything before. I’m in a a situation which I never dreamt of. So currently I’m living with my 2 kids alone in Australia as moved from another country 4 yrs ago with husband. I’m working full time and kids goto after school car... View more

Hi I have never posted anything before. I’m in a a situation which I never dreamt of. So currently I’m living with my 2 kids alone in Australia as moved from another country 4 yrs ago with husband. I’m working full time and kids goto after school care 4 days a week. It was the husbands choice to relocate in Australia although I was open to this and excited initially. Unfortunately he decided his career was not doing well therefore decided to move back but due to my career thriving here I was reluctant to come back with him and he has not persisted that I should come back with him. He is back to his whole family i.e. his parents ,siblings , friends etc. Although I’m happy with my career here but the burden of looking after 2 kids with no friends or family around and not much help financially from him I feel like I’m burning both ends of the candles . I have to keep working to provide for the 2 kids and support their education. Im paying for the mortgage/ household bills/ council rate/ electricity etc etc. He on the other hand is buying a house with the deposit paid by his parents back in his country and not planning to put my name as second occupant as complications with me being overseas... I don’t have any emotional connect with him and speak to him once a week along with the kids. The kids are happy here and enjoying their school. I feel quite lonely and isolated here and I don’t know if this relationship is worth keeping at all. I am worried about my future and stressed that if I fall ill or become unwell then I don’t have any support here for me and the kids. On the other hand I’m not open as yet to any other relationships here as I have heard horrible stories about new partners taking advantage and abusing the woman and the kids. I know if I clarify things with him and agree to come back he would b very happy but I’m not sure if I will be miserable back there with him .. Do you think he has abandoned the family and being selfish or am I being stubborn not to go back with him to give the kids a complete family package?

Duesentrieb Wife withdrawn and resentful
  • replies: 28

Hi, my wife and I are married since 20 years. The marriage was good for 15 years, except her constant silent treatment when we have a conflict. I asked her several times to stop that, use communication but without any success. In general I am the mor... View more

Hi, my wife and I are married since 20 years. The marriage was good for 15 years, except her constant silent treatment when we have a conflict. I asked her several times to stop that, use communication but without any success. In general I am the more patient, giving, mellow person, more of a people pleaser. 3 years ago we had a peak of her silent treatment and I started to research. It started with silent treatment and ended with narcissism. Unfortunately I have to say that she shows some covert narcissistic traits. Since that time I changed quite a bit. I ignored her silent treatment, I started to implement boundaries, looked more after myself and stopped to panic when she was in a bad mood, etc. 2 years ago she found out that I researched narcissim quite extensively but kept quite. 1 year ago she told me and was very sad about it. She felt betrayaled and is since that time quite withdrawn and resentful. I already apologized and explained the background of it but it seems there is something brocken between us. Some days are OK but every small issue, difference, different opinion, wrong word, wrong tone, etc. and she swithes into victim mode and is withdrawn again. Any ideas?

Alfi3 Recently estranged from dying Mother
  • replies: 4

My father died 15 years ago, my mother is quite old and has recently been told by her doctor that her body is shutting down My elder brother lives with her, he has never really worked, is a bully and is quite controlling He convinced Mum to make chan... View more

My father died 15 years ago, my mother is quite old and has recently been told by her doctor that her body is shutting down My elder brother lives with her, he has never really worked, is a bully and is quite controlling He convinced Mum to make changes to her will after Dad passed away giving himself sole power of attorney, enduring gardianship, executor of her will and sole trustee of a family trust. She told me about this a year ago, I flew to her state so I could go with her to speak with her solicitor and to see what changes could be made, unfortunately she told my him and he went ballistic No changes have been made, our relationship that was once caring and loving has ceased completely, neither of us willing to ring the other The reasons why I won't are: She broke her promise to my sister and I, guaranteeing that her children will be forced to contest her will in an attempt to correct the wrong My father would never have left someone who he described as a parasite in charge of their combined estate, ever Mum is more concerned with an outward appearance that he is successful rather than acknowledge he is a parasitic bully She won't ring me because she feels its my responsibility to be there in this time of her need (I am the family fixer-upper) and blames me for causing so much anxiety because I think we all matter equally and her estate should reflect what Dad would have wanted too What do I do?

white knight Narcissist partner, kids and all that drama
  • replies: 10

I married my first wife when she was only 19, me 29. I had no idea she'd turn or expose her narcissistic traits some years later. Silence was her most effective weapon, in fact it led to my only attempt on my life...one week later I left the family h... View more

I married my first wife when she was only 19, me 29. I had no idea she'd turn or expose her narcissistic traits some years later. Silence was her most effective weapon, in fact it led to my only attempt on my life...one week later I left the family home. That meant leaving my children with her and having fortnightly weekend access. As my kids were then 7 and 4yo I had to endure my ex every time we conversed about our kids. The body language, the minimal words, the refusal to allow things like my kids coming with me for parent and teacher night's...all these things were a constant battle for a further 14 years till my youngest reached 18. What kept me going was my dreams. A life without my ex, my own home, my kids visits. So when the child support stopped, so did my contact with her, a short letter "please never contact me again." That was 10 years ago. My girls now 27 and 31. My youngest sympathized with her mother and I have zero contact. My eldest is close to me. You can survive a narcissist. Be strong and wait for that moment when you are at peace. That came a few years ago when my eldest married. Are you doing ok in separation? TonyWK

Dappled_Deer Am I a bad person for considering leaving?
  • replies: 3

My partner of 5+ years has pretty severe depession. He goes through waves where he might be ok (or pretending to be ok) for months then all of a sudden will be at the bottom of the well. A few years ago was the worst and I honestly would not have bee... View more

My partner of 5+ years has pretty severe depession. He goes through waves where he might be ok (or pretending to be ok) for months then all of a sudden will be at the bottom of the well. A few years ago was the worst and I honestly would not have been surprised if he passed away. Thankfully he hasn't been that low in a long time. We are currently in a wave right now, and it was ok, till I found he had lied to me about something he promised he wouldnt do about 6 months ago and confronted him about it. Context, i'm the main provider. When he was at his lowest, he didnt work for about 2 years (a few casual jobs here and there), and he has a problem with impulse spending, so we have seperate finances. I've just found out he took out yet another payday loan several months ago for no reason. He just wanted money to spend. Luckily he is currently working, but if he wasn't this is something else I would need to pay for (I have bailed him out about 20 grand at this point). He constantly accuses me of thinking of nothing but money. And I do see why he thinks that. But its hard to have a relationship were you are constantly giving and never recieving. Im constantly giving him suppourt for his depression (he wont see anyone or take medication and his family are the "get over it" sort), im giving him financial stability, i do all the housework and cooking and groceries. I know he isnt capable of making truly rational decisions when he is depressed and I know this isnt really his fault. I love him so much, but i'm really struggling with this newest admission. I thought we were finally on the same page but its "my fault" because I wouldnt give him money. I have a few thousand as im tyring to save for a house deposit for us (and i fully expect to be the sole payer). I feel like im nothing more than a wallet. And i know i have enabled it when i was younger and wasnt aware of his diagnosis (he didnt tell me and wouldnt admit he had one). I also feel alone. All anyone tells me (friends, family even a counsellor) is that I should leave. But im so worried about what will happen to him. I know his family wont provide the suppourt he needs and he only really has 2 friends (both of whom have their own problems but are lovely people). I feel trapped by my own feelings because I do love him so much, but im realistic enough to know that life is more complicated than "love conquers all" as much as i might wish that were true.

Madeline07 Nobody knows I’m suffering in silence
  • replies: 3

Hi There, I feel like there is something wrong with me, like I might be broken, or missing a part? I had my first child in July 2019 and I think I may be suffering with Post-natal depression (if it’s still called that after the baby is a year old) In... View more

Hi There, I feel like there is something wrong with me, like I might be broken, or missing a part? I had my first child in July 2019 and I think I may be suffering with Post-natal depression (if it’s still called that after the baby is a year old) In the months that followed birth I was crippled with anxiety and bouts of depression, I didn’t seek help (I was too anxious) and eventually things calmed down and I began to settle in to my new life. However, recently things have gotten bad again. I’m so quick to anger, over the smallest of things, I’m irritable, I feel so incredibly low and weighed down? I cry often, and not just a few tears, full breakdowns, I have no motivation, no focus and feel so flat. I’m constantly exhausted and drained. I’m truely starting to hate myself and how I look, I try not to look at myself anymore and I avoid getting any new clothes because I don’t think anything will look nice on me. I feel like a big fat toad. I have thought about ending my life, but I do know that deep down that’s not what I want. I have thought about running away, and often. I don’t feel like I’m a worthy mum. I absolutely love and adore my child, so please know that they are safe. what hurts me the most I think is that no one notices how much I’m struggling. My husband doesn’t see it, my mum doesn’t and my friends don’t either, I feel like I’m in so much pain and no one can tell. I know I need to get help, but I’m so scared. I just want to be the best me, so I can raise my child well, I don’t want my struggles to effect them.