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I’m worried that I’ll lose my family

Community Member

Hi everyone,

about me, i moved from nz to qld for uni 7 years ago and stayed. in 1st year, i visited Melb and fell in love with the city.

my mum is highly against me moving (my brother is also in qld and she wants us to stay close). So i stayed put and convinced myself it’s just a phase, that where i am is good. Then covid came last year and it hit me real hard. The realisation that i have no real friends and was lonely. I did have my brother close by but we don’t see each other much. Covid last year was tough for me. I felt my mood affected my family a lot (they are overseas).

i decided covid isn’t going anywhere soon. So I didn’t want to waste another year feeling empty. I put my foot down and moved to vic.

I thought i got my mum’s blessing, but she got upset at me for not moving back to qld (I’ve only been here 2 months), for renting my house out to a tenant, she said i was complaining about lockdown and that I shouldn’t move during covid.

also about me, I’m of Asian background so those who don’t understand, the culture is like the movie, the big fat greek wedding but my fam are less crazy and my parents know I’m westernised. i was lucky to be able to own a house at a young age taking charity from my family ofc. I only decided to be a house owner as my parents said that I will be paying them back each month like mortgage. But there’s problems. theyve always been unhappy with me renting a room out to a stranger to cover expenses. I’ve never rented it out to anybody except once to a friend. But my best friend temporarily stayed with me for work and they were a little iffy about her having my keys. They didn’t want a tenant in the house while they are visiting, they didn’t want a male tenant (I’m a girl) and they think any tenant will ruin my house. They said that I don’t need to pay them back if i ask the new tenant to move which i disagreed to.

my parents said Im more short with them and have become stubborn and that I’m not willing to listen to them. I agree, covid has made me moody but I’m so tired of them not understanding why i did what i did. But why does it feel like a sin? I feel I’ve ruined my relationship with my family! my family are just worried about my safety and my well-being. My mum literally said she’ll be losing sleep over this tenant. I’m so confused… i felt like I’ve hurt my loved ones by moving to Melbourne.

i thought I was being independent and creating my own path but now I feel I’m being selfish.

2 Replies 2

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Bananie, can we offer you a warm welcome.

The worry from parents about their daughter sharing a house with a male tenant could be a worry, especially if you have an Asian culture, but the concern may be about some type of relationship beginning or that he may force himself onto you, rather than messing up the house but you're an adult and can manage this as you see fit, by putting a lock on the door, if you feel it needs this, but deal with this as you being the landlord and he the tenant.

COVID has certainly made all our lives very difficult, but an extra income would certainly help and what our parents want these days doesn't necessarily agree with what we want, so the parents have to be understanding, supporting and probably wanting to keep an eye on what happens, to a certain extent but need to know that sometimes we are unable to change our kid's mind when they too become adults.

Tradition needs to change because the world never stands still, so what used to happen to our parents, doesn't happen to our kids, just like our parent's parents always changed as well, time can't stand still, it's impossible.

You are not selfish at all, you are only moving with what's happening today, and hopefully, your parents will slowly begin to accept what you are doing, you are an adult.

Best wishes.


Hi Geoff,

thank you.
its doesn’t need to be a male. Any tenant would do. Even when my best friend stayed with me for a while for work, they were iffy. She was worried my best friend would give my keys to someone and they might copy it. She said she doesnt want to live with tenants when she visits and i said Im only renting out until international borders open, you’re not even going to be here for another 6-12 months at least! They just don’t want anybody living in my house thats it.

My mum was so against me moving to Melbourne, at one point she even said she won’t come Australia to visit anymore if i move. She blamed me moving to Melbourne when I complained about lockdowns. I told her the truth of why i decided to put my foot down and move (i was pretty much alone last year) she said it must be because I complain too much and that covid made me snappy so nobody wants to talk to me. But the truth is, i couldnt even complain as I wasn’t even talking to my friends much to begin with.

i feel she’s salty about me moving. I felt she was to pin everything on me moving to Melbourne. I told her even my own brother didn’t talk to me much and she assumed it was my fault and asked if its because i said i would never go visit him when it was actually vice versa! i booked my tix to go back to qld which was cancelled twice!

im just so sick of them saying I wasn’t listening to their advice that I’m stubborn and up myself. But everytime i bring up about Melbourne ore renting a room out, i dont get a good response. They won’t even want to accept and understand my thoughts and feelings so now I’m stubborn and up myself they expect me to comply to them. I’m 26 years old, not 16. Some people my age are already married with kids and i need my parents to decide how i should live my life?

i can’t get rid of the guilt. I felt i hurt my entire family by moving to Melbourne. All i did was move to Melbourne for a change of lifestyle. Why did i feel I’ve committed a crime and betrayed my family.