Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

Anon1997 I’m not receiving the support I think I deserve
  • replies: 4

My mother & I have had a little bit of a rocky history the last 4-6 months or so but we’ve never fought, mainly I’ve tried to express my feelings of hurt etc & she’s always found a way to brush it off or make it seem as if my feelings are invalid. Ot... View more

My mother & I have had a little bit of a rocky history the last 4-6 months or so but we’ve never fought, mainly I’ve tried to express my feelings of hurt etc & she’s always found a way to brush it off or make it seem as if my feelings are invalid. Other than that, we get along fine & laugh etc. tonight I asked if she would help watch my son once a week for a few hrs next yr as I plan to study full time. She said no, & I tried to say it’s not for a whole day just for a few hrs & she still said no & that she works. I get it, it’s not her responsibility, my ex husband is currently not in the picture due to DVO & we are yet to file for divorce. But then she turned around & said oh okay I can. This makes me anxious & makes me feel as if she’s not 100% supportive. I’m not sure if I should take her up on her offer now as I feel she may feel pressured into doing it hence why she changed her mind. When she asked what I’d be studying she said ok kind of in a mocking tone & I asked if I could use her computer desk & she said yes but laughed at me and asked why don’t I buy a new one. I explained I’m very limited for money right now & again she just laughed at me & I asked her what she was laughing at but she just ignored me. Now I’m anxious being around her again & im not sure if this relationship is worth keeping if she’s going to continue acting unsupportive & laughing at me when I’m genuinely trying to improve my life. She’s old, so she’s always had that tough love attitude but I’m getting over it now, I think communicating would fit nicely but she always shuts me out or ignores me

LTC Just don't know where to go anymore
  • replies: 7

The past few years have been rough, I had a great partner and we struggled with fertility for years and after going through the difficulties of IVF for 10 cycles, the pressure and the emotions ruined our relationship which was devastating. I soon fou... View more

The past few years have been rough, I had a great partner and we struggled with fertility for years and after going through the difficulties of IVF for 10 cycles, the pressure and the emotions ruined our relationship which was devastating. I soon found myself head over heels for what I thought was the perfect girl. She had battles of her own that manifested about 3 months into the relationship and literally just walked away. She came back in and out over a period of 6 months which utterly destroyed me. I had no self confidence left and was in a very low place. I was made aware that she had BPD and having researched it I can identify the patterns - the stupid thing is I still love her because I see the good in her After getting through that, I thought an angel had walked into my life. She shared my passions, she was my best friend. I actually understood how good a relationship can be at that point, after years of misery really. She left me last week, out of the blue. She said she was unhappy but she'd never said anything - we just got back from an amazing holiday. The real pain is that she won't even talk to me, I feel worthless - she told me she loved me the last night she was at home and now I don't know where she is or why she left. I am so shattered, I don't feel like I can go on. I don't know where or what to do. I can't sleep or eat and feel like I'm in a dream. I've been to the doctor and got some stuff that's supposed to help calm me down but it's not working. It gives me 5 minutes of peace before it rushes back in. I am in such a dark place and I feel so betrayed and alone, I don't understand why this keeps happening to me. I honestly have been hoping that some accident happens to take me out just so I can be at peace and not hurt anymore. I run a business and I have all these people relying on me right now. I can barely function, I'm letting everyone down. I just want her back, I don't understand what has led to this - it's so cruel

Samella Lack of respect now feeling resentful
  • replies: 2

My partner of just over a year has 2 female friends, I have been cheated on in the past and have trusting issues but working through them..I believe my partner is my soul mate and we do love each other BUT few examples, we went away the other weekend... View more

My partner of just over a year has 2 female friends, I have been cheated on in the past and have trusting issues but working through them..I believe my partner is my soul mate and we do love each other BUT few examples, we went away the other weekend, laying in bed, his female friends decide to constantly message him, they were drunk, but my partner didn't stop the conversations even though I was laying right next to him! Our one year anniversary..we had a fight 3 days before...he asked one of his female friends out for lunch. We go out for dinner..his phone is constantly dinging...group message with the 2 females. He tells them he's not home, they "assume" he's with me and next message he gets from them is "pussy whipped" he laughs it off. My partner is very open and honest. Yhese 2 girls are his best mates exs..hes known them for many years and used to hang out alot when he was married and when they were married. Right now we aren't speaking, its only been 24 hours since the last incident happened. I just need some help or someone to talk to please

NMD How to balance? Fifo/Working full time with two young kids.
  • replies: 3

Hello, I’m a mother of two, both under the age of 5, I work full time and love my job, it’s something that’s always been “my” thing and something I’m good at outside of Mum life. My partner has got a fifo job, something he’s always wanted to do to ge... View more

Hello, I’m a mother of two, both under the age of 5, I work full time and love my job, it’s something that’s always been “my” thing and something I’m good at outside of Mum life. My partner has got a fifo job, something he’s always wanted to do to get a good career and I support him 100%. He’s doing 3 weeks on and 1 week at home atm, and I’m truely finding it hard to balance my lifestyle. Has anyone got any advice? I feel I’m my own worse enemy, some days are good days but other days I’m just so tired I feel sick. I don’t have any family that can help me in a hurry, I only have my parents in australia and they live an hour away from me, I’ve learnt I’m truely by myself, I don’t have any friends, I’ve always worked full time so really I’ve never had the time to make “mum” friends but I honestly don’t know how and where I’d fit that into my lifestyle, I have no time to do anything and when I do I’m exhausted. I feel I shut people out because it’s a lot of effort for me to make the effort with them and I know that’s wrong but I just don’t know how to juggle it all.. any advice? Or anyone been in a similar situation?

agnus My husband's pornography addiction is destroying me
  • replies: 38

I have never posted online before, but I have no one to talk to about this and it is tearing me apart inside. My husband has had an internet pornography addiction for 17 years, each time I have confronted him with this he has promised to never do it ... View more

I have never posted online before, but I have no one to talk to about this and it is tearing me apart inside. My husband has had an internet pornography addiction for 17 years, each time I have confronted him with this he has promised to never do it again, only to do it again. He has been to numerous counsellors over the years each time telling me hes fixed and no longer addicted. yet here I am again, this time i found by accident a usb full of photoshopped images of myself and my sister, he has placed our faces into degrading and violent pornography and saved them onto usb's . I dont know where to turn I feel so betrayed.

Just_me_now_2004 Coming out after 23 years of marriage
  • replies: 2

My husband and I have been married for 23 years and have decided to separate because I am finally ready to face what I am. We have 3 teenagers and I have told them as well as my family. Am struggling with bing drinking and mild depression and anxiety... View more

My husband and I have been married for 23 years and have decided to separate because I am finally ready to face what I am. We have 3 teenagers and I have told them as well as my family. Am struggling with bing drinking and mild depression and anxiety. I am looking to talk to other mothers that have been in this situation to talk to

Hayabusa Sexless marriage.
  • replies: 4

Hello everybody. I am at a loss. I love my wife so much and I am not going to leave her. But the situation I find myself in is hurting me. In a nutshell the last time we were intimate was in November 2018. I am not the perfect husband. About a year a... View more

Hello everybody. I am at a loss. I love my wife so much and I am not going to leave her. But the situation I find myself in is hurting me. In a nutshell the last time we were intimate was in November 2018. I am not the perfect husband. About a year ago I was chatting with a woman friend of ours on messenger. There was no suggestions in the discussions of going to the next level, and I could not do that because there are no winners if I did. I didnt hide the conversations but I wasn't forward with my wife about them either. When it all came to a head my wife said that I had cheated on her and that I was looking for sex elsewhere. This was not the case, and I did not delete the discussions on messenger, hoping honesty would help me. I accept responsibility for my actions. When the above occurred we had not been intimate in the bedroom for a year. I believe the second year I have brought on myself and I don't know where this will end. Now I am having feelings of worthlessness. I just feel crap all of the time. There is some intimacy but I cannot remember when my wife told me she loves me without me saying it first. I know she doesn't hate me, I just feel that I have become a "life partner" in the relationship. I now get angry at a whim, and do not tolerate fools gladly. In the last few months I have been working on being less angry, but the bear is still in there. I don't know what to do. Maybe writing it all down is an important first step. I feel like I have screwed everything up. It makes me feel very sad. Thank you for reading my post.

July Secret family just revealed/discovered.
  • replies: 5

Hi , I have just found out my son in law ,who has been with my daughter for 4 years ! and was married last february ...has 4 kids he never told her or us about . I am so angry and upset that he can keep this a secret, what kind of man does this . He ... View more

Hi , I have just found out my son in law ,who has been with my daughter for 4 years ! and was married last february ...has 4 kids he never told her or us about . I am so angry and upset that he can keep this a secret, what kind of man does this . He did not disclose this information either my daughter found out by accident as she opened a letter from child support that was sent to their house . The children are now 14,17,19 and 21, three boys and one girl .When he was confronted he quickly went into defence mode , blaming the mother ( it is one mother with all 4 kids)saying she was a she "trapped me " with these kids. He said to me that "all " of his kids are accidents, I am disgusted and cannot forgive the deception and abandonment of these innocent kids. He has not even met the two younger kids, but thinks its ok because he has paid child support . He has admitted to having DNA tests and they are all his biological children. My daughter has two girls aged 6 and 8 now and I always had a gut feeling about him that something was not right , so did my other daughter and other people that have met him also have voiced concerns. My daughter was very angry at first but now has backed down and is now on his side , he is very manipulative and plays on her sympathies. He also said he never would have told my daughter if she had not opened that letter ?? what kind of man acts like this , I have completely lost any respect for him and don't trust him at all ...what else is he hiding? My daughter has not told anyone except 2 close friends , because I think she's worried about what people will say about him and her choice to stay, to me her marriage is based on a lie, he provides her with a lifestyle she loves and gives her anything she wants to appease her ( and his guilt no doubt ) , My issue is I feel so much anger about this situation and do not know how to resolve it, he cant even look at me now because he knows how I am as a mother and I would never put anyone above my kids. To add insult to injury we found out 3 of his children have intellectual disabilities, which makes me feel disgust as my own grandson who is 4 has severe autism and is non verbal. He is a pathetic excuse for a human being , but if I say anything my daughter will stand by him? I just need some advice on how to move forward thanks

Imogen2 Break up
  • replies: 16

It has been six months since my ex ended our 1 year relationship and I can’t seem to let him go. He has blocked me from calling him. It’s a nightmare he is in my thoughts the moment I wake up.

It has been six months since my ex ended our 1 year relationship and I can’t seem to let him go. He has blocked me from calling him. It’s a nightmare he is in my thoughts the moment I wake up.

reationshipstruggles Living with a partner with depression/anxiety/OCD
  • replies: 3

I don’t normally do this kind of thing but lately i’ve been struggling more than ever. My partner has quite severe depression which I would say comes as a result of severe anxiety/OCD, due to a certain family situation. It’s unfortunately a situation... View more

I don’t normally do this kind of thing but lately i’ve been struggling more than ever. My partner has quite severe depression which I would say comes as a result of severe anxiety/OCD, due to a certain family situation. It’s unfortunately a situation that won’t get better until it gets much much worse and my girlfriend knows this and sees absolutely no happiness in life. She’s constantly down, unmotivated and negative towards just about everything we ever talk about. I’ve asked her what I can do to help and supported her as much as I possibly can through just listening to her, talking about things and discussing potentially seeing a therapist but i’m afraid she’s just hit rock bottom and has no intention to try to be happy, whenever we speak about it she says ‘what’s the point of being happy when nothings going to change’. I feel completely and utterly useless in helping her and feel as though I sometimes put her problems onto my shoulders and even sometimes try to do too much to try and fix things in her life which often causes fights and arguments between us. I know I shouldn’t try and fix her problems but if i’m not doing anything I feel more useless than I ever have in my life. Everytime I see her it seems as though she sinks further and further into a depressed state and there’s just no sign of her getting better. With a history of depression myself I don’t know how much longer I can stay in this relationship and be able to handle the stress and pressure I put on myself to help her. It’s like I take on her emotions which puts me down and stops me from doing things that I really need to do like university assignments, getting to work on time and just being motivated to do things for myself. Recently I’ve felt as if i’m losing feelings for her, whether that’s just how it is or her problems are just taking a toll on me. I couldnt possibly break things off because i’m the only person she has. She has minimal friends and never goes out to hang out with anyone which I find puts so much pressure on me to always be around her. I guess I just wanted to ask if anyone’s been in a similar situation and has any advice for me because i’m really struggling and I don’t want to make the wrong decision about my relationship because of this. Thanks