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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Orchard Difficulty with self worth and control.
  • replies: 6

My partner has previously cheated on me while on a break- which was heartbreaking in itself. Now, months on the thoughts and the ramifications are within my mind, like an annoying fly that just buzzed around constantly, how do you move past the hurt,... View more

My partner has previously cheated on me while on a break- which was heartbreaking in itself. Now, months on the thoughts and the ramifications are within my mind, like an annoying fly that just buzzed around constantly, how do you move past the hurt, the betrayal and believe that he is telling the truth now, we will go through a really good patch then something will set me off. I hate feeling like this, I despise the thoughts, the loneliness and most of the time I am alone so they're just rolling around freely. I know it's not in my head but I just feel worthless and nothing I say makes any difference because it is not being validated not being heard. Who on here has some insightful techniques that will help process this information and move on.

Kaur_K Feeling lonely
  • replies: 3

After many years in an unhappy marriage we have separated again, probably the fifth time and as usual feeling depressed and sad....

After many years in an unhappy marriage we have separated again, probably the fifth time and as usual feeling depressed and sad....

Clear82 I know I’m not alone with this but I feel it....
  • replies: 3

I knew I was checking to see when my bf or friends were last online on WhatsApp. I would then wonder who they are talking to and/or why they weren’t replying to my message. My bf bought it to my attention and said are you stalking when I’m online cau... View more

I knew I was checking to see when my bf or friends were last online on WhatsApp. I would then wonder who they are talking to and/or why they weren’t replying to my message. My bf bought it to my attention and said are you stalking when I’m online cause I don’t really use WhatsApp but just started this obsession of checking it. So I’d be online more or last seen. I’ve deleted the app now which i know is best. It’s just brought on a flood of tears and emotions. I know it’s a trust and jealously issue. But also I have a fear of being alone. It’s loads of things. Just wanted to share and not feel so alone.

pgsc I know others have it worse, but...
  • replies: 8

Things were relatively ok until Dec 2019. Lovely (Thai) wife, married 16 years at that point, absoloutly NO fights in that time (yes, I AM proud of that). Then things went rapidly south. Dementia hit her like a tonne of bricks. By the end of March, s... View more

Things were relatively ok until Dec 2019. Lovely (Thai) wife, married 16 years at that point, absoloutly NO fights in that time (yes, I AM proud of that). Then things went rapidly south. Dementia hit her like a tonne of bricks. By the end of March, she could not be left alone. Early May, she went into hospital where she stayed for 12 weeks. From there to a nursing home, as I could not work and look after her at the same time. The day she was moved, she physically assaulted me in the hospital. She was down to about 36kg & I am over 100kg. It took 4 days for the bruises to not be as noticeable. The tranquilisers she was given then should have worked in 30 minutes on me. It took over 90 minutes on her. She was one angry lass. The nursing home is 'ok'. Few interesting ideas like trying to charge $120+/month for internet to someone who can't use it. Charging over double street price for medication... things I would not succumb to. I have seen her once since the end of July. That is not my choice. Part of it is due to the constant COVID lockdowns (Thanks, President Xi!) part because she does not believe she is married. Some days I am OK. Some days it takes nothing at all to set me off. A lot of days I am a crying mess. Like now. I believe I have alienated a lot of people due to this. I'm reluctant to say much more than "I'm OK" to anyone now. I think my only friend is made of glass & can be replaced easily. I'm ready to put a DNAR (Do Not Attempt Recusitation) on her med file now. She is alive, but has no life. It is not what I want - I want her home, safe, healthy & well, but that is not going to happen - it is what is best for her. As she got worse, she wanted to go home. Her family wants her home. A certain (very) large Asian country has made sure that is not possible. I don't want her to go home, but I do understand she needs the family/village support that I cannot possibly give. So I yeild. At the first practial opportunity, she will go home. The fights with Centrelink (who wanted her to look for work), My Aged Care (who do nothing for her that I can see), NDIS (who have been a little bit helpful), the bank (who froze her account as paying her nursing home bills is a fraudulent activity) & the local police (who sent someone with negligible training & his head rammed firmly where the sun doesn't shine (although according to his station: it does) has left m in a worse state. Employer has been good, but that won't last forever... running out of options.

Sarah_B1 Partner has lied so many times I can’t trust him
  • replies: 8

When I first met my partner 5 years ago, he was hardworking, family orientated & great to get along with. We travelled & got engaged however things started to change around 2.5 years ago. He began asking for money (ranging from $100-$1000) every 2-4 ... View more

When I first met my partner 5 years ago, he was hardworking, family orientated & great to get along with. We travelled & got engaged however things started to change around 2.5 years ago. He began asking for money (ranging from $100-$1000) every 2-4 days and would get nasty if I wanted to know what it was for or if I said no. He became distant from his large family & slept for days on end (every weekend). November last year, i went through his phone (wish I had done it sooner) because I became really suspicious of his behaviour- he sleeps with his phone turned off inside his pillow case. I found out he was doing drugs (pretty much begging for it). He denied it & I left him. He begged & begged for me to take him back & said he was doing drugs but he could stop. Months of him coming to my work every day & calling/messaging, I took him back. He had lost everything. His business, his car, property, savings & has ended up with a $40,000 debt all from drugs & gambelling. A few weeks after taking him back, I found a pipe in his car & saw messages of him again asking for drugs & borrowing money from everyone he knew for it. Again, he denied it then eventually admitted when I kicked him out. He again begged & begged me to stay & said he would go to rehab. He went down to a $30,000 rehab clinic & seemed back to normal when he got out. He stuck with his routine for 2 weeks then began acting strange again. Going for drives at 3am most mornings to “get a burger” or to “get phone credit”. I found a pipe in the bathroom cupboard & a work colleague of mine saw him smoking drugs on the side of my road In my car. I kicked him out again & he blamed me for his relapse & said I am his trigger. Despite this, he is begging me to forgive him & help him move forward. My heart is completely shattered. I work full time & study full time so I have had no time to look after my own well-being. I feel broken. I want to have a family & if I leave for good, I am scared I will throw my chances away (I am nearly 29). I also found out he had been sleeping with prostitutes this year - we have been rocky but I know I would have paid for them all & I know he would have been with me after them all. I love him & miss him when I’m not with him.. more so because he tells me how much he needs me & now he wants us to work on things so we can build a future. I don’t know whether I am being too harsh. seems like everyone is doing drugs these days.

AussieFellaQ Feel like giving up on love
  • replies: 4

Hi there I'm in my 30's and new member. Kinda nervous about posting how I feel. Don't know where to begin so I'll do my best I suffer from Depression and anxiety and I'm also Gay for most of my life I've wanted nothing more than too be loved and too ... View more

Hi there I'm in my 30's and new member. Kinda nervous about posting how I feel. Don't know where to begin so I'll do my best I suffer from Depression and anxiety and I'm also Gay for most of my life I've wanted nothing more than too be loved and too give love. I've had a few failed relationships one was a Girl back in my teens then I figured out I was gay not long after I re content with my old school mate We was together for near on year before he cheated. Once Ingot past that it took a while too put myself back out there. When I finally did, I met this guy who I thought was terrific I built a friendship with this guy. for nearly 6 years. Eventually we got together in 2019 and I let him move in with myself and my family. Only too discover that four months later he was not the person I thought he was. He was addicted to drugs and started with abuse of all kinds and I kept telling myself. It's okay he's going through a lot so I stayed in the relationship hoping that one day he will go back too the person I first fell for. I kept telling myself he's only hurting me because he's been through some bad things and I didn't want too give up on him because I always give people chances and even tho my family told me and friends told me he is not right for you he won't change. I still believed he would and still kinda do even now I'm not with him no more. I keep telling myself every day that he is no good for me and it takes a lot out of me trying not too contact him. But on the other hand I hate what he has done too me from the abuse and I feel like he's destroyed everything about me I feel like I won't ever be able too fall in love again and that I'm too damaged for anyone too have. I feel like I'm not worthy enough or too ugly not smart and I just can't see myself in the future ever wanting too open up or love someone ever again. I feel like and know that I won't be able too or too trust again because in my mind I'll be thinking what if they hurt me what if I get cheated on and the thought of that I cant do. And recently I've been thinking it's not worth the Hart ace because I know I could not stand too get my heart broken again. An I don't know what else too do because ATM I feel completely alone. Even tho I've got loving family I just feel empty hurt and feel Like I won't ever be able too trust or love no one else again.

Outofoptions My son hates me!
  • replies: 3

I really need help. I feel like I cannot do this anymore and seriously want out. I feel selfish for thinking this way because so many people lose their lives to disease, and here I am just unable to cope anymore! I'm a single mum to two boys,10 and 2... View more

I really need help. I feel like I cannot do this anymore and seriously want out. I feel selfish for thinking this way because so many people lose their lives to disease, and here I am just unable to cope anymore! I'm a single mum to two boys,10 and 2, and my eldest hates me. He tells me to f off, if I tell him something is happening the next day he will just blaintantly refuse and just say "I SAID NO". It doesn't sound like much but I cannot stress just how bad it is, he throws things at me, punches walls, slams the door in his brothers face and says he is going to kill himself. I can't get him in the car if he knows I am taking him to a hospital. He has taken a knife to his room before and locked his brother and myself out of the house resulting in the police being called. He got taken to PCH but nothing was done, he wasn't admitted, there were no follow ups nothing. Honestly I'm at serious breaking point! Help!

Sad2021 Cheating
  • replies: 15

I have been with my husband for 14 years married 8, we have two children 10 & 8. I have just caught him emotionally cheating on my for the 6th time throughout our relationship. The first few times I caught him we were young and it was fresh relations... View more

I have been with my husband for 14 years married 8, we have two children 10 & 8. I have just caught him emotionally cheating on my for the 6th time throughout our relationship. The first few times I caught him we were young and it was fresh relationship so I just put it down to being immature (Stupid I know) then I found him texting someone when I was 8 months pregnant with our second child and 2 months away from being married. He said nothing sexual ever happened and it was just texting, I guess we were a family and I didn’t want to be the person to break it up. You see everyone thinks he is amazing, I get told it on a daily basis how lucky am I to have someone like him. I have never told anyone about what I have discovered over and over again, I have always protected his ego. Well we had our second baby and he was a very difficult baby with lots of complications, I know I neglected the relationship but I was trying to survive with this new baby, I lost my sex drive completely and it has never returned I have been to Drs and get the same line every time your a Mum it will come back no one helps. Then a few years ago my husband had an accident and was in hospital for 2 months I went every day, almost neglecting my children this time because I was so worried about him. I nursed him back to health only to find him texting someone again, again I made excuses for him like he had just been through trauma so let it pass. This time I have caught him again but I don’t think I can let it pass, I am so broken that my son asks me everyday if I am better yet or still sick. I feel empty and lost and like I have no purpose in this world. He says he loves me and is begging me to go to therapy with him but I have heard it all before. He says he speaks to them because I am not sexual enough anymore and he misses that. I have also put on a lot of weight and he says that I won’t dress for him or met his needs. I feel like I am getting the blame for all his bad behaviour, we have sex twice a week and it has gotten a little bit routine but when I have no sex drive, I am exhausted looking after the kids and working full time and have trust issues because he always finds someone else what am I meant to do? I know I will get the blame if I end this, I know everyone will say I have up on the relationship and that’s because I can’t tell people what he has done I am not that person to air my dirty laundry but I also can’t be the bad guy in this. I am so so lost, I am so so broken.

Dadmeister Making the best of a loveless mate
  • replies: 3

I’m a 50 year old Dad with ADHD , anxiety and depression. I’m a catastrophiser and critical overthinker. My wife of 26 years has slowly been drifting away from me to the point now where she hasn’t spoken to me other than for mundane chores for 3 mont... View more

I’m a 50 year old Dad with ADHD , anxiety and depression. I’m a catastrophiser and critical overthinker. My wife of 26 years has slowly been drifting away from me to the point now where she hasn’t spoken to me other than for mundane chores for 3 months. It’s been the hardest time of my life but with some cognitive therapy I am trying to keep positive. My children and my mates have been incredible and I realised that the easy way out would be divorce. I’m trying to find happiness in other ways as she refuses to sit in the same room as me and I’m just trying my best to be here for her and hoping that she turns around. I’m trying to put myself in her shoes and understand how hard it must be living with someone like me. I’m really hoping that things change. Any suggestions on how to find happiness in a loveless marriage would be appreciated, this is my first post.

PsychedelicFur Anxiety in family life and relationships
  • replies: 4

Hello there, To begin first and foremost I am enormously overwhelmed by the fact that I am going into my first year of tertiary education. As well as the fact that my parents, almost two years ago separated and are soon to be divorced. And lastly I h... View more

Hello there, To begin first and foremost I am enormously overwhelmed by the fact that I am going into my first year of tertiary education. As well as the fact that my parents, almost two years ago separated and are soon to be divorced. And lastly I have to move house. At the moment I have a massive amount of uncertainties. It's incredibly startling. To clarify, this has enhanced the anxiety and misery that has occurred throughout my life recently. My dad is very lonely and is suffering enormously from the separation of his marriage. He is constantly venting to me about how he feels and it is truly exhausting. I understand that he is going through a lot of self doubt, loneliness and uncertainties but there is only so much I can take. I feel like I am constantly listening to his problems and stresses and it is getting to me. Then when I stay with my boyfriend he feels lonely and reminds me how he has nobody. And my dad has recently been trying to chat with/chat up one of my older friends who is her late twenties. Dad is lonely and wants to really speak to this girl. I keep reminding him, that a mature aged man should be seeking friendships and relationships with people who have common ground or are in a similar age bracelet. I tell him he needs to focus on himself but he just constantly complains to me about how lonely and depressed he is. And I am trying to be as supportive as I can be. I also have recently started properly dating and this is all so new and particularly overwhelming to me. I am scared that I'm not doing the right things in my life even though I'm being very very very cautious and attempting to act as rationally as I can. However, due to seeing my parents' rocky marriage I now have trust issues. I'm worried my boyfriend will lose interest in me, even though he reassures me that I'm a great person and I deserve to feel loved. He actually was the one who encouraged me to seek professional psychological assistance and recommended that I try antidepressant to help with my reoccurring anxiety. Time is going so fast and everything is happening far too quickly. I am so overwhelmed. I just don't really know what to do. I feel trapped, lost and even worse I feel truly isolated. Signed, PF.