Newborn baby struggles

Kim1988 · ‎29-01-2022

Hi all. I’m 8 days postpartum now after a C-section and I’m a first time Mum. I love my little boy to the moon and back.

Before my little boy was born I had never had much experience looking after small babies and I’ve never been particularly maternal, unlike my sister. I like kids, but just never had that natural motherly flair. I’m struggling with getting the hang of the basics i.e. nappy changing, correct way to hold the baby. My husband on the other hand picked things up like a pro. My husband has been very helpful luckily.

My little boy is so serene and peaceful during the day, but at night it’s a struggle sometimes to settle him down. It stresses me out when he cries so much. He was so attached to me in the hospital. He loved sleeping in my arms, now we’re at home and there’s more people around so I think he’s not as attached to me as he was in the hospital.

I feel like such a bad mother cause sometimes I feel like I’ll never get the hang of things. I’m sure my little boy can pick up on the fact that I don’t have a lot of confidence with him. He’s such a sweet baby and I just want to do a good job for him and to be happy and healthy.

Ggrand · ‎29-01-2022

Hello Dear Kim..

Congratulations on the birth of your precious son..

I remember when my first child was born how hard it was to feel confident in even holding him....Before he was born I had never held a baby...Eventually I learnt to have confidence in myself as a mummy...I think it’s something that we all struggle with when we become a mummy for the first time...

Family and friends all want to cuddle and hold a new family member when they are first born...not realising how it upsets a routine put in place by the new mum..Being you..

Changing nappies will become second nature to you, after a few weeks of constantly changing them...The first few weeks I remember being to scared to fit them securely and the would come off....in time I learnt and I’m sure you will as well...

Your baby can feel the love you have for him, the protection you have for him each time you hold him in your arms....You are doing great and each day will become less stressful for you, in things like holding him the right way, changing his nappy...feeding him, etc...

Please don’t ever think you are a bad Mother, you are not..your feeling concerned about him....and that’s because of your love for him..

My kindest and most caring thoughts for you and your new precious little son..🦄🧸

Grandy..

Petal22 · ‎29-01-2022

Hi Kim1988,

Congratulations on the birth of your baby boy.

You are a great mum I can see how much you care for your baby.

I understand that having a baby can bring great challenges for the mum.

When I had my babies I experienced severe anxiety with both…. I seeked professional help for this.

If you feel as though you are constantly worrying about things I recommend that you make an appointment with your gp and discuss how you are feeling. You could do a mental health plan together this will enable you to see a psychologist.

There are perinatal clinics in some areas that have a psychologist and psychiatrist that run out of the same clinic that specialise in perinatal conditions.

It’s a huge life time change becoming a mum, please be kind to yourself.

We are here to support you if you need.

white knight · ‎29-01-2022

Hi, welcome

I was a nervous new dad. Our first born had cholic which meant constant crying for the first 3 months. The ONLY relief for some reason was my daughter place don my chest on a 45 degree angle- she then slept for about one hour then crying again.

Our doctor told me- "I've never had a child die by crying". That really helped me with reality. Secondly, all those things you mentioned- nappy changing, feeding etc all comes to you over time- you will be ok, really, you will.

Over time you will also grow closer.

TonyWK

Not_Batman · ‎29-01-2022

Hi kim.1988

congratulations, for becoming a parent, and for reaching out. Both are daunting tasks, and its ok to not know what to do.

my understanding is that after a c-section, its not exactly easy to be mobile, and running around after a helpless baby. So keep in mind that you need to give yourself time to heal.

I dont remember us sleeping for the first 6 months, but we did a bunch of teamwork, and got through it. It is very important that we took turns so the other could rest, or just get out of the house.
i could change a nappy in 20 seconds, about as long as i could hold my breath, but there were so many things that i just couldn't get, but its ok to not be the best.

Parenting is kind of like studying. You can read all you want in a book, but until you actually do you understand a bit better. Then the more you do it the easier it will become. We went to pre natal classes, read a lot about what to expect, but on the first night home we just had no idea what to do next. By the time our next child was born, we were far more confident.

My parents seemed to have it all together when i was young, but something i learned as my kids got older was that i had no idea what i was doing with parenting and neither did they. They (and we) just do the best we can, and take it as it comes sometimes.

Try not to focus on the whatifs right now, just bond with your child, and help to get your child the best start you can (love, compassion, warmth, joy)

keep practicing, and the rest will come in due course.

all the best.

Not_Batman

Butterfly20 · ‎31-01-2022

Hi Kim1988,

Firstly, congratulations on your baby boy!

What you are experiencing is very normal. Parenting I believe is a constant learning journey and every stage will have it’s challenges and make us question if what we are doing is right. Also, mothers guilt will always be there no matter how old your child is. From your post it sounds like you are a caring and loving mother and that is all what your son needs. You can only take it day at a time and surround yourself with people you can trust and talk to. Its great that you have a supportive husband who is a hands on dad. I also found that talking about my struggles with my best friend really helped me during that newborn time and also now that my son is 2 and other challenges are appearing. Also joining a mothers chat/group where you can share experiences can also help as you can share things as well as realise that many others go through similar challenges and feelings.

Trust yourself and know you are enough for your baby. Also, I remember those night times as if it was yesterday, i can still feel the anxiety. However to reassure you, your baby will start sleeping longer and eventually sleep through. Things will also fall into place, wou will bond more and you will feel more confident.

missep123 · ‎31-01-2022

Hi Kim1988,

Congratulations on your bundle of joy! Can I say, when I was reading your post I can already see that you are an amazing mother. The love you have for your child is so incredibly special and sadly there are a lot of children who are not loved. I have no doubt that you will find your groove. It takes everyone different amounts of time and does not reflect their ability to parent! You've got this, we believe in you!

Juliet_84 · ‎01-02-2022

Hi Kim1988,
It sounds as though you have a strong bond with your son and love him very much, so be thankful for that. Some mothers can have a hard time bonding with their child at the start, so it’s good that isn’t a problem for you. The rest of the stuff, the nappy changing, correct way to hold the baby etc will come. You are only 8 days postpartum, so please be gentle with yourself. Those things will come with time and practice, and to be honest, your son won’t even notice the difference. It’s good that your husband is picking things up quickly and being a help to you. But everyone learns at different paces and in different ways. Even if he likes going to other people at times or won’t settle, you are his mum, and he will always need you. You sound extremely loving and I have no doubt you are amazing, it’s clear that you just want to do a great job for him which is lovely. But if he is loved and cared for then that’s all he needs xx he won’t remember this stage anyway lol

missep123 · ‎14-02-2022

Hi Kim!

I just wanted to check in and see how you were going!

We are definitely here for you!

Kim1988 · ‎16-02-2022

Hi missep! Thanks so much. Things are getting easier by the day in regards to the basics. The nappy changing is okayish now. I still put a lose one on him every now and then and his clothing ends up being a little wet. I can burp him easier now and finding comfortable ways to hold him is getting there to. I’m realising that I can do things at my pace and in my own way. I’m his mother, and if other people don’t like it well that’s their problem.

I just have to make sure that things don’t reach boiling point with my husband. He was really helpful to me in the hospital because I had just had a C-section and for that first week after giving birth I was in still in quite a lot of pain. He still helps a bit. He’ll do one feed during the day.

I’m doing pretty much all the other feeds. Luckily my parents and my in-laws are visiting at the moment so I do have a lot of help besides him. My parents are going back to Sydney next week though and my in-laws will be going back to France in March. Sometimes my husband will say to me “oh my Mum is happy to assist with this or that”. That’s all good and well, but after she’s gone he’s going to have to help

He doesn’t help much with either of the late night feeds. I do one feed at about midnight and another around 3-4am. He just snores away and I get little to no sleep. Unfortunately this is when my little one is the most unsettled. I did kind of have a conversation with my husband about it. I said once our parents return home we need to divide the feeds up more. At the moment he has 6 feeds a day, so if I do 3 and he does 3 it’s fair. My husband goes back to work in early March. He’s a bus driver and he usually does late shifts, so he starts quite late in the day at about 1pm and he finishes around 10ish. Obviously during the time when he’s at work I’m looking after our son. I suggested he do one of the night feeds like the 3-4am one, but he said he’ll be recovering from work. While I do understand that he’ll be recovering from work if he gets home at 10pm he’ll have 5-6 hours to recover. That’s plenty of time to recover and allow me to rest a bit after having to look after the baby the whole day.

My husband has the luxury of falling asleep at night, and thinking “if the baby cries my wife will get up and deal with it”. Yeah I will because if I don’t tend to him nobody will. My husband will just continue to sleep I’m sure. Will see what happens in the next few weeks if he steps it up. If not I’ll need to talk to him.